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muc7452 
7:49pm, September 28, 2009
Just a quick update on how I feel tonight.. We had a pretty good day during the day and my brother came over and then he left. My husband had cooked dinner and all and things were doing okay which I thought and then he starting getting depressed probably from a few drinks and started getting on my cause and making me feel so guilty and how he doesnt think anyone cares for him including me and how he helps everyone else out and their for everyone. I cant stop crying because I want things to be okay for us. We have alot going on in our lives now with my problems and problems he is having from work. He came home Wednesday because of some shit they pulled on everyone at work. He hates his job and I feel bad about that but there is nothing I can do right now. He left tonight in his truck about 8:00 and I am so worried about him because he is driving and drinking and I cant talk to him when he is like this. He is holding alot of issues in and I guess with my issues he is dealing with that much more. I told him he needs to go on some kind of depression med but he doesnt want anything like that. I am already depressed with everything going on with myself and I can deal with it. I really cant. I dont know what happening here and I need all your prayers to help me cope. I have never felt so down and now with my husband acting the way he is what do I do. Please help!!! I found out that my employer is going to retire me on disability. I just found out a couple days ago which I thought was good news even though I havent heard from SS and I think deep down it bothers my husband because I can retire early. I didnt wish this on myself but sometimes I feel so guilty that I can not have to go back to work and he does. My therapist thought that deep down it might bother him.. I hate having MS and putting him through all this and he has been so supportive but I feel that I am a burden on him and that I am not giving him the much support that he needs coping through his problems. Could I be doing that to him?? I dont know... I just cant write anymore because my eyes are filling up with water.. I just needing to vent alittle. I will write when I feel alittle better. I go in the hospital for a precudure on the 29th. I hope everyone is feeling good and I hope I didnt make you feel to negative..I love you all and please keep me in you prayers...xo Mary :(
Comments
I also think he is bothered when I am on the computer. Most of the time I usually go on it when he is not around. Maybe he is alittle jealous... I dont know anymore..I guess he is dealing with the stress more than I realize..Which I feel pretty bad!!!!
muc7452
Mary, let go of the guilt... It sucks to have to retire early--I KNOW, I'M ONLY 43 and retired early 7 years ago!
ddeadred
Mary, let go of the guilt... It sucks to have to retire early--I KNOW, I'M ONLY 43 and retired early 7 years ago!
ddeadred
Please let go of the guilt as you should have none. We don't wish this upon ourselves. Let your hubby deal with his own stuff (which of course requires hinm going to his "cave" a few times...LOL...
You have nothing to be guilty of because you were ROBBED of your normal life.. It is not your fault! (Maybe he is just jealous? I've had THAT from my partner...)
Just try to work through it, and it will all be fine--trust me! xoxoxo Cj
ddeadred
Yeah, Fred gets jealous of my computer time too...big babies! Mary, I'm soo sorry that tonight is so rough on you. It really sounds like perhaps you both should find some kind of couples therapy through the NMSS to deal with these new adjustments in your lives that MS has brought you. It's so hard to not be able to fix things or make things how others may prefer them to be, but we have to play what we are dealt...you know what I mean. I'm sure that he'll return just fine and you guys can work everything out together. And we're here for ya!!!!! XOXOXOXOXXOOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Julz
Oh Mary, I am so sorry to hear that you and hubby are going through a rough patch right now. You KNOW that, if he was drinking, it's the alcohol talking, don't you? It's not easy on anybody in an MS family, the ones that have it nor the ones who are related to it. My guess is that sometimes it overwhelms him just like it does you.
And it's a really hard time when you get to be our age and the health issues start cropping up in addition to the MS, and then earning a living becomes a critical issue on top of that. Sometimes it feels like it's too much to bear.
My guess is he needed a big pity party for himself tonight. That's okay, let him have one, I am sure that he deserves one every now and again. You know he loves you. He'll bounce back soon, hopefully.
The illness and his job probably just got him down and then after a drink or two, he got emotional. He's feeling trapped right now, between a rock and a hard place.
Happens all the time. Guys think they are supposed to be able to fix everything and when they can't, it hurts them deeply.
It's important for you not to feel guilty. It's not your fault. It's just life, honey, just life. Hang in there and try to be patient. It will pass.
Loveya,
M
LilMargie
Mary, Let that guilt go. You are the one being stressed and this is not helping your condition. Just think how wonderful to be not working and be able to take better care of yourself and that means being and having more time to spend with your hubby. He is in a hard spot. It is difficult to work at a job your don't like, but circumstances demand that at this time. With your employer retiring you on disability is nothing but a plus as far as SS Disability. I know how you must worry when he takes off after drinking. I have been there too. Some how it would be nice if the two of you could sit down and air all your issues when he is not drinking and tell him how you worry so much for him. Show him the positive side of your retirement, then he won't feel so indifferent to it. I know you too will work things out. I will pray for you and I am sure all will turn out just fine. Love and Hugs.
LeeAnn
Hi again Mary,
Forgot to tell you that Richard also doesn't like when I am on the computer so much.....He is just jealous and he says it is so wonderful you have so many friends to talk to...but does he really mean it? Hugs
LeeAnn
Bob didn't like it much either, but he talks on the phone all of the time and since I compared it to the telephone (and I am NOT a telephone gabber like him), it has really helped a lot. He doesn't seem to mind now, isn't that funny? Anyhow, whenever he gets on the phone, I get on the computer, LOL!
LilMargie
Dear Mary- so sorry things are going so rough for you. You need to talk to them when they are not drinking, 'cause the alcohol takes over when they're drinking. Also, the others are right about the guilt. What do you have to feel guilty about. It's not like you asked to have MS. They need to deal with it. You have MS, and this is the way you are and now they have to adjust their attitudes.
Please do not get down on yourself. You are doing wonderful, you are loving and supportive when you can be and LeeAnn is right, this added stress will worsen your symptoms and your down feelings. Please take care of yourself and know we are with you thru this.
Love dearly, Jani
janiM
Many many blessings Mary. I wish you all the best with everything, especially with the procedure you'll be having. Keep us posted...Hopefully your husband is just going through and adjustment period and I'm sure just like most men, gets jealous over everything. Have you tried the good ol Wapow! on his butt? JK of course, but trying to make you smile.
Lots of love and hugs....glad to see ya again.
Kat
xiola23
Hi Friends thanks so much for all your love and support. It really means alot when you at your ends wit and then you just dont how to cope.. Friends are the joys of our lives!!! Thanks again....
muc7452