xxmadxx's Journal

Yesterday i went to the free clinic, because i dont have insurance and i cant afford to pay for my meds...and someone told me that this free clinic around here could help me out, and i was informed that they do not treat your like dirt because you need help, you know how most places do that....anyways i went with a good attitude, i get there, i go on, go into the exam room, they ask all the questions, and i tell them what is wrong with diabetes & high blood pressure...so they check those and yes they arre both, and they ask what meds on i was before i tell them my diabetic meds, but i cant remember HBP one because i was only on it a month, my previous doctor had told me to try and lose weight and that would help, but after that month, i couldnt continue the HBP meds because, i needed to lose weight, anyways that was that, i guess it was ok to put my heart under strain until then...so the nurse leaves and says the doctor will be in to see me, so i wait & my mom is in there with me, and the doctor comes brusting in and almost knocks my mom out with the door, wierd i know, but i thought maybe hes joking around....so the first thing he says when he sits down is wow your 19 and your falling apart how does it feel??

So he starts with the questions, and he gets upset with me, (see my mom says my sense of humor is sarcastic and what you would call dry humor)  so for a while i thought he was joking with me, and then he asks if me if im as angry & hostile as the personality im sending through, so i said no im really not an angry person im sorry i came off to be that way...and then i looked at my mom jokingly and said did you hear that he thinks im angry?? so me and this tim dude  go back and forth like this for awhile, and out of nowhere he starts saying i have a horrible outlook on life, and he started bashing me about weight ( see i know this will sound conceited, but i live in an area where lots of people are what you would call overweight, so in school and stuff, no one was really ever made fun of for being fat, and my parents never put me down for my weight, although im slightly insecure about it, its not something that gets me down a lot, me being big is something ive always accepted) And he really lays into me about being overweight, mom was trying to calm me down because i was getting upset, he hurt me, so i started getting hot, my face was turning red, and yes i could tell my BP was going up but i didnt say a word....so he finally shuts up long enough to say let me hear your heart, when he touched my back he couldnt believe my body heat, so he yelled in at the other to turn on the air conditioner, and they checked my pulse again and he said it had went from 100 and now it was 130, yes its very high, but i was very pissed....

So then the wrost thing he could have ever done....he wants an EKG done right now, i have to get undressed, i paniced, so i was like i have and undershirt on, can i just wear that, of course not, so i get down to my bra, and the nurse comes back in, and i have a sheet over me,she pulled it back and starting sticking electrodes to me, im SA survivor, you dont fuckin do that without warning, so i started getting clamly, and the electrodes wouldnt stick to my sweaty, so im trying to calm down, and she says dr. tim will be in before i can do anything, he brusts through the room again and pulls my sheet off, i didnt have a shirt on, omgsh i about puked, so then he starts looking at the monitor reading my EKG and is complaining that my heart rate is going up....

So out of nowhere he says Ya know i wont back down on anything i said earlier but we can re address it now if you would like, so i said, what has been said has been said, and what is done is done, so he asked me the same thing again and i replied with the same answer, i mean this guy made fun of me because he didnt think i could even pronounce the name of the meds i used to take, and also said since im laying around all day doing nothing maybe i should get out and exercise...

so back to me being exposed on the table...he starts again about my heart rate going up, so i pretty much yell, im freaking laying naked in front of 3 people what in the freak do you expect, he slipped out of the room, so the nurse pulls of the electrodes, and i raise up and just jerk my clothes on with her in the room....

So this nurse now turns to me, the only one who hasnt pissed me off yet, and starts preaching about my weight, and then says since you are a little heavy, there are so many other things about you that you could emphaize, she said oh like your hair it has wonderful color, so i guess then my hair wasnt good enough for her, and no joke i toned her out thats the last thing i remember her saying...mom told me later she kept asking if i was listening to her, and i didnt answer, i really didnt hear her ask any of that, so she rubbed my leg to get my attention, (i dont like to be touched)...so i snapped back, and shes like you did get pretty angry today, have you ever considered anger management? (toned her out again)

then sweet dr. tim pops back in and gives me prescriptions and a glucose meter, we said we knew how to use it even though we didnt, then said i should go to the ER, because with my heart rate like that i should be having a heart attack, like i can afford and ER visit, so finally i get to leave knowing im not taking his advice, so on my way out tim is like it was nice meeting you, and i said its pleasure as well....

then i get leave (YAY!), and behind our car when we leave is a huge chocolate lab, beautiful dog, and it immediately comes to me and i started petting it, i calmed down a lot, animals calm me, it was a sweet dog, i didnt make it 5 mins down the road before the tears came, so mom pulled off at a little store, and she HUGGED me, it felt so good, and she told me she loved me, and i apologized for embrassing her, and she said i didnt need to apologize i had done nothing wrong....it felt good

so that was my visit to the free clinic, and even though im supposed to go back next thusday, its not going to happen....i want to take the prescriptions and the glucose meter back to him and tell him i wasnt just sponging because it was free, but i really need the meds, and i didnt go through hell for nothing....