Once a cheater always a cheater!
September 8, 2009 1:42am
This is probably one of the hardets journals ive had to write since the girls died. …
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nurse23
11:52pm, May 18, 2009
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About Me
nurse23
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About Me
"When a catapillar dies, a butterfly is born" I am here to support and help others, who have lost their loved ones as well. I was diagnosed with PTSD shortly after stopping to help at a fatal accident on I-75, in tampa, on in Feb 11, 2007 at 3:55 PM. There were five people traveling in a mercedes, three were ejected, one survived. A 17 year old mother and her 18 month old baby- died in my arms as I tried to save them. I am only 23. The guilt, and anger I carry on a daily basis are almost too much to bear. I have since become very close with the family-and often feel guilt for not being able to do more to save their girls. I know in my heart that their injuries were just too extensive. I am so angry-- angry with god, and have lost a sense of who I am. I am trying to deal with the flashbacks, nightmears, sounds and smells that trigger those memories-- but hoping that someone here has something they can offer, as well as something I can offer them. http://crystalandcadence-torres.last-memories.com/
"When a catapillar dies, a butterfly is born" I am here to support and help others, who have lost their loved ones as well. I was diagnosed with PTSD shortly after stopping to help at a fatal accident on I-75, in tampa, on in Feb 11, 2007 at 3:55 PM. There were five people traveling in a mercedes, three were ejected, one survived. A 17 year old mother and her 18 month old baby- died in my arms as I tried to save them. I am only 23. The guilt, and anger I carry on a daily basis are almost too much
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Website
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Interests
I am currently working on my BSN in education / social work. I do yoga regularly, go to church, enjoy reading and writing poety, and looking for good books, painting pottery, lay out on the beach, go to comedy shows, draw, have martini's with the girls..have wild crazy nights on the town, spend the night ordering in and watching movies, and especially spend money-- which I rarely have.
I am currently working on my BSN in education / social work. I do yoga regularly, go to church, enjoy
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Recent Activity
Recently:
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4 hugs given, 3 hugs received, 1 journal comment
Friday
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nurse23 commented on Toshigirl’s journal entry Job 11:13pm
Ive worked in many hospitals for the past 6 years. First of all.. what is your status? Are you pt, ft,…
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nurse23 gave mommysw a little love 11:01pm
We'll be here for each other. I miss them every holiday, and look at the empty place where they would…
Thursday
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nurse23 gave mommysw a hug 7:45pm
I just relized your husband died, just a few days after the girls. 2/11/07, 5 days . Know that ill be…
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nurse23 gave mommysw a little love 7:41pm
Thanks Sharron. Im doing a lot better. I guess it just hurt too much ... and the relization that i couldnt…
November 1
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nurse23 gave solostmilla a hug 1:11am
im ok now.. and you know milla i never foget you.. I overdosed on 35 klonipin and a half bottle of ibeprohen…
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Journal
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Hugbook
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I’m With You
thank you. I cant believe it will be 2 years in Feb. and Im not looking forward the holidays again. I heard christmas music today in the grocery store, i just wanted to bolt out of there. The tatoo sounds really nice. Big hugs, Sharon
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Hug
I read your story about taking the pills. I am so sorry your struggling. I hope your feeling better. You have been there for so many people here on DS and I just want you to know I am here for you. Big Hug, Sharon
Sorry
Hi, Just letting you know I care and deeply miss our chats. May God give you the peace and comfort in your time of pain. Hang in there and know I am here whenever you need me!
Hug
hi hope you are well thinking of you.
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Shout Out
Hope you are doing good. Just recently came back to DS. See your still hard at work.
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Photos
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Goals
View all in progress Goals
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Support Groups
Close Bereavement
Type: Loss of a ChildThis year marks the second annivarsy of the most horrific day of my life. I stopped while driving, on the side of the interestate as a first responder, to help in a bad accident. The mother 17 and baby 18 months were ejected and killed. The other 3 passengers survived with serious injuries, which I helped to triage, with no supplies.
Treatments
- Art Working / Worked
- Painting potery, scrapbooking , making picture frames- helps me channel my negative energy in other direction.
- Crying Working / Worked
- A good cry always make me feel better!
- DailyStrength Working / Worked
- Would not be here without the support of all these amazing people!
- Getting Angry Not Working
- Is a temporary fix, for something that cannot change the actions of the past.
- Grief Counseling Somewhat Helpful
- Seeing a LMC specialized in PTSD. Talking about and reliving the situation over and over only sets me back!
- Helping Others Working / Worked
- Started several support groups in their memory, and gives me something postive to focus on.
- Keeping Busy Working / Worked
- Yoga, Exercising, Sharing poetry and writing my own. All help to positively share what im feeling, and reflect on it in a positive way!!
- Music Working / Worked
- Love songs that glorify God, and uplfiting songs that make me smile and drum to the beat.
- Pets Working / Worked
- The affection of a pet is proving to be calming and help with healing.
- Positive Thinking Working / Worked
- Trying to understand Gods plan rather than question it.
- Prayer Somewhat Helpful
- FINNALLY Hearing you God! And understanding you plan!!
- Reading Working / Worked
- Books on understanding chrisitianity and PTSD. 90 mins in heaven, 23 mins in hell... Learning to embrace life's dissaointments, hello from heaven.
- Remembering Not Working
- Flashbacks are perhaps the worst part of this. So I try to do all of these thing to NOT remember the day.
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- IS ESSENTIAL. The overwhelming support of my friends on here, and those who are in my life, are essential to understand the ups and downs in my life!
- Talking Working / Worked
- Has become my purpose. To talk about my experience no matter how difficult, and get others through the tough times, and and spread awareness of seatbelt education.
- Yoga Working / Worked
- Yoga Slow Breathing 2x daily and running 1 mile 3 times a week. Slows down the heart rate. And helps with muscle tightness. I have noticed a big change in anxiety and mood change.
Close Accidents
Treatments
- Yoga Working / Worked
- Positive Thinking Working / Worked
- Making the most of a Horrific Situation
- Art Working / Worked
- Helps me to keep my mind active, and not think about the past.
- DailyStrength Working / Worked
- Helping Others Working / Worked
- Talking with others on the network and at work ( in nursing ) who have lost loved ones in Car Accidents.
- Ultram Working / Worked
- Relieves lower back pain immediately. Causes some drowsiness.
Open Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Treatments
- Art Working / Worked
- Love painting pottery, scrapbooking, picture frames-- anything that occupies my mind
- Effexor Not Working
- Horrible Side Effects. Bad Headaches, if you miss a dose. Causes suicidal ideaiation.
- Music Working / Worked
- Paxil Somewhat Helpful
- Psychotherapy Considering
- Reading Somewhat Helpful
- Talking Working / Worked
- Going to a LMC specialized in PTSD.
- Topamax Working / Worked
- Memory loss, Weight and appitite loss.
- Positive Thinking Working / Worked
- Not focusing on the negative
- DailyStrength Working / Worked
- Helping Others Working / Worked
- Talking on the network with others who have been through similar experiences, and knowing that im not alone.
Open Insomnia
I have worked night shift in the medical field for about 4 1/2 years, but suffer from PTSD after wittnessing a fatal accident involving a teen and her baby, about a year ago. The Flashbacks and nightmears, make me not want to sleep, or wake me up in the middle of the night, with rapid pulse, and tremors.
Treatments
- Ativan Working / Worked
- Not Strong Enough -- Moved up to Klonopin and OTC sleeping pill which still dont always cut out the nightmears.
- Lavender Working / Worked
- Bath and Body Works has a great spray and calming lotions.
- Meditation Working / Worked
- Yoga Every night, and in the morning for at least 15 mins, with deep breathing.
- Music Working / Worked
- Relaxing, but wont make me fall asleep.
- Reading Working / Worked
- The best have been - Hello from heaven 90 mins in Heaven A Purpose Driven Life
- Restoril Working / Worked
- Good Shit. 15-30mg.
- Trazodone Working / Worked
- Not strong enough, but a great alternative to a non narcotic/benzodiapine drug and is also used as an anti depressant.
- Ultram Working / Worked
- OTC Sleeping Pills - Fast Asleep 50 Mg X 2. Works Amazing!
Open College Stress
I am attending school for nursing and am able to apply for the nursing program in july of 08. After wittnessing a fatal accident i feel i may be having a change of heart in career direction, and am considering a change of direction. I am interested in a lot of different areas of health care, counseling, social work, and community outreach-- but would like people with unique jobs to approach me with new ideas, and encourage me to seek other opportunites out there.
Treatments
- Sleep Working / Worked
- Just Sleep it off.
- Support from Friends & Family Not Working
- My family is not much support!
- Positive Thinking Working / Worked
- Mentally preparing myself for success
Open Parenting Newborns & Infants (0-1)
I am not a mom YET. I am a 23 year old nursing student, who loves working with children, but my true passion in life is working in truama . I joined this group b/c I stopped at a fatal accient last year in 2007, where three of five passengers were ejeced in a rollover. One was an 18 month old baby, who WAS in her carseat. Her mother died in my arms as I tried to save her. I miss them both and am working hard to try and educated as many people as possible about car seat saftey!
Open Pregnancy - Teens
Ive worked with adolecents as well as on labor and delievery for sometime as a health care worker. So Im here to offer my support.
Open Bone Marrow Transplant
Im 23, and b pos, just signed up to be a donor and was recently accepted and registered. Waiting for someone to need me..
Open The Financial Crisis
Hmmmmmm.. Where do I start. I wont blame our president..but Ive been through 6 jobs this year. After experiencing a tragic accident, and getting Post traumatic Stress Disorder, I have had a difficult time keeping a job, working in the medial field as many of my jobs force me to face life/death situations, and makes it almost impossible to keep a job in my field. I have been working hard to find other jobs in different fields, but my depressions affects me daily.
Open Acne
23, normal to oily skin. Still breakout prone in t-zone . Have to use a regular regiment.
Treatments
- AcneFree Working / Worked
- Awesome product! Works better than ANYTHING out there. 19.99. for the full set.
- Benzaclin Not Working
- Proactiv Not Working
- Too Weak.
- Retin-A Not Working
- Tetracycline Not Working
Open Jealousy
nurse23 hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Anxiety
Treatments
- Ativan Somewhat Helpful
- Breathing Exercises Working / Worked
- Breathing through Yoga
- Klonopin Working / Worked
- Positive Thinking Working / Worked
- Xanax Working / Worked
Open Career Changes
nurse23 hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Bereavement - Teens
nurse23 hasn’t entered any details for this support group.
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Groups
Ghosts Fact or Fiction
post traumatic stress
Learn to love yourself
Yoga For Therapy
Thinking of suicide or hurting ur self
writer stories of Gods Grace
Power in Prayer
Surviving the death of a loved one
Poems written in Tears
Bereavement Mentors
Fallen Heros Never Forgotten
Grieving Hearts
Dont Give Up
PTSD for Health Care Workers
Open Discussions About Life
Cooking with the Girls
Daily Advice
Penny Pincher Ideas
Our Daily Bread
Unsolved Murders. A Survivor Group.
Giving it over to God
people we have lost
Suicide Lookout
Dying to Quit!
Dream Interpretation Group
Seatbelts Save Lives!
Christian Church 24.7 Ministry
HearttoHeart
Angels.
Survivor syndrome or guilt
Hello From Heaven
What Now?
A For Real Depression Support Group
GrowingTHROUGHGrief
