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SafeNSerene 
9:18am
Well, let's see, what is the word for what I am feeling? Worried, stressed, scared, depressed, sad, angry?
Maybe a little of all of the above. My friend here on DS wrote that "depression could be anger, turned inwards". Oh yeah, I can believe that.
My husband has decided to take the "early buy-out" plan that his job is offering to retire early. All about reductions, at any rate.
It is frightening to me, to know that he will not be having his regular check come in every two weeks. Besides, the health insurance benefit is confusing to me. Oh no, not when we are at the age we are now and the need for health insurance is so very important.
It did help me to see things a little more clearly when I read "Phil's" journal from DS. Phil has Alzheimer's at age 59. The way he put it, that he had sat down and just cried recently when he had to be placed in a 'home' that was not his home, or the home of a relative, but one of strange surroundings. Phil was inspiring to me, as he said that it was just another part of his journey, and though it was new and uncomfortable, at the moment, that this part of his journey could very well turn out to be a good thing. To be surrounded by people with conditions such as his, medical staff if needed, meals prepared and served, still having an apartment to himself, etc. So, his words were inspiring to me, as we never know where our new journey will lead us.
Friday, at work, we had "Fun Water Day, Friday" and we did have such a great time with the kids and a couple of sprinklers, and a few containers of water and sponges and bubble wands. I splashed and played as if I was a four year old, gently tossing wet sponges at the kids, after they had 'soaked me' with their sponges, lol. So, I don't really want to give up my job.
My husband does have some ideas of how he wants to make extra money to supplement his base income, and he can be quite resourceful. Do I trust that he will actually "Do IT!" yes, I am somewhat apprehensive about that.
Right now, I am just in the beginning stage of processing this drastic change, and who knows how long this stage will last, as I have never been on this journey before. Can't re-live the past and don't know what the future has to offer (as Phil reminded me)
, so all I can do is live in the present. And, the present isn't so bad, even though my body doesn't always cooperate and allow me to do the things I long to do. I have been 'adjusting' to that journey for quite some time now and after the grieving process-- have come to terms with it, and just do the best that my body will allow.
I can RETIRE from grocery shopping all together, he will have to do it for the next 31 years, lol.
Happy 4th of July to all my U.S. friends and a happy day to those friends who are not in the U.S. 
Comments
WOW that's going to be a big change - but hopefully he will find something to do and won't be underfoot. Maybe now you CAN take that trip you've been wanting - you don't have to plan around his job and his vacation time! You have such a sensible and grounded way of approaching things - I'm sure you'll do fine, and I'm equally sure the two of you will work out the new arrangement to serve you both. Happy Fourth!
PeaceN2You
Oh yes I know that you will make out just fine. All you have to do is start delegating jobs and not try to do everything yourself. Yep you are on the right track and will soon be dancing down it
KCJ
Thanks ladies for the support! I condensed this journal entry, as it was like reading a short book, lol
SafeNSerene
you are on troubled waters now, if hubby doesn't take the 'vacation' now, they will find a way to ''lay him off' or make him quit indescretely.
take the cash now n have faith.
cowboy357
Yes, you are right cowboy, as they have already announced that they will be laying off 200 people, and not filling any positions that are currently open. I feel for the remaining employees, they are defintely going to have to take on more peoples' responsibilities.
SafeNSerene
They say when God closes a door, he opens a window. Please do not be offended when I say I do not believe in God but I do believe is spiritulism, the powers of the Universe, destiny, law of attraction, etc. This is a new journey and meant to be. Try to see it from your husband's side. Maybe he has his own issues to solve and that's why he opted for the early retirement. I understand your feelings - especially the uncertainty however, this may be a great thing! Like you said, to have your husband home to help you with everyday stuff? You might actually enjoy this!
It's about putting yourself into a positive state of mind and reaping the benefits that that brings. Perception is huge. Listen to your friend Phil. He sounds very wise.
I wish you strength to accept this change.
Liane999