Journal

So in my last journal entry I mentioned that we are buying, or attempting to buy, a house.  It has been one of the hardest processes that we have gone through.  People are just so wrong and unethical.  We put in a bid at $210,000 and it was accepted by the sellers and their attorney and the offer was submitted to the bank for final approval.  Well the listing agent calls our agent and says that the bank wants $215,000 and it's firm.  So at this point Ryan and I think the deal is off because we cant come up with another $5000.  Our appraisal came in at what we needed, we got the financing for the amount we needed,  we submitted a down payment and signed contracts and this was just like hitting a wall.  So my attorney (who I LOVE and can totally understand why he gets paid what he does) sends out a very strongly worded letter to the sellers attorney (in NY state you have to have an attorney for any real estate dealings) and the sellers attorney in turn forwards the letter on to the rep for the bank.  The rep for the bank calls my attorney and says that they knew nothing about the different price.  Apparently the listing agent took it upon herself to say that the bank wanted $215,000 and would not accept anything less.  At this point Ryan and I are pissed and kind of upset.  In this market, why would they kill a deal for $5000 when ours is the only offer on the table and we are all ready with the financing and everything.  So the rep from the bank confirmed what we thought, that they arent willing to let this go for $5000 and they are definitely seriously looking at our offer.  So things are back on and hopefully we can get this resolved and we can close before Christmas.  I am keeping my fingers crossed.  This has been a roller coaster ride and kind of a nightmare.  Not exactly what I was expecting our first time home purchase to be like. 

My stress and anxiety hasn't gotten any better.  Things are still super hectic with work and with the coming holiday season, it isnt going to get any better.  The holiday season at the bank is usually very busy and very demanding.  Customers are assholes, plain and simple.  They want what they want, when they want it and if you dont give it to them, it goes very badly.  I work in a very rich and affluent neighborhood.  Customers come in looking for large sums of cash and our gift cards go out the door as quick as we can get them in.  LOL .. sounds great doesnt it??  I have to be fair though .. not all customers are bad,  most of my usual customers are wonderful and the constant business will make the days go by faster.   

Soooo .. my stress has not gone down any.  This past week had been awful.  We were supposed to go to a Halloween party on Friday night and I had really been looking forward to it.  When Friday night came around,  I was so exhausted, physically and emotionally/mentally, that I just couldn't do it.  Hubby was wonderful and told me that he wanted me to be there with him but would understand if I didn't go.  I wanted to,  I really did,  I just couldn't do it.  So he got dressed up and went to the party.  I grabbed a book and curled up on the couch with one of my cats.  We didnt have any trick or treaters other than the 1 small group before hubby left.  I bought all this candy too .. lol .. figures.  If I hadn't bought any candy they all would have shown up.  Oh well.  So I fall asleep on the couch while reading.  Wake up a couple of hours later and get up to go to bed and stop at the potty first.  What do I find?  My ever rotten, 5 days LATE, curse!  I am to tired to react at this point.  While I had bought candy I also had bought a PG test.  Should have known better,  I really should have.  Didn't get to use it,  it's still in the original wrapper sitting on my table.  I should return it. 

Did I mention that we are trying to buy a house??  Have a I also mentioned the thought of it makes my anxiety level sky rocket??  I have the utmost faith in my hubby and he assures me everything will work out and it usually does.  But in the meantime, it's a very stressful time.  I just want to crawl into bed with my cats, pull the covers up over my head and come out when it's all over .. lol .. but I can't.  So with hubby's help I will get through this and it will all be ok.  We'll be homeowners and then we can focus on getting pregnant. 

Earlier in the year I decided to seek help from a therapist.  I went for a few weeks but she just was not doing it for me.  She was listening but not really listening to me.  Basically, it wasn't a good fit.  I was in a really bad spot in my life and needed someone to talk to but I needed more.  So now here I am .. in almost the same boat.  Not in a good spot in my life mentally or emotionally.  All the stress is really taking a toll.  I have never stressed well.  I either make myself really sick or I make myself really depressed.  Lately, the headaches that I have been able to control in the past with over the counter meds, have been getting worse and more frequent.  I went to an urgent care place and they prescribed fiorcet (sp?) for me and that worked well.  The Dr told me that I needed to follow up with my primary care physician.  I didnt have one but had always meant to find one I could rely on.  I think I have found her.  I broke down and made a Dr appt today.  I need help,  help dealing with these headaches and help dealing with the stress and anxiety attacks and always feeling anxious.  So I made this appt and went in this afternoon.  I really liked her and I felt totally comfortable with her.  She actually listened and didn't try to rush me.  She prescribed me xanax to take when needed and scheduled a follow up appointment in 3 weeks.  She made me promise to call and make an appt if anything changed or if I got worse.  So we'll see how that goes. 

On another note .. DH and I were talking tonight and we decided in January to go back to our RE and try a few more rounds of IUI.  It makes the most sense to us right now.  Neither one of us can wrap our heads around IVF right now .. especially me.  Puts me in knots thinking about it.  Originally I wasnt going to go back to my RE or the lab cuz we are having issues.  But its with the insurance, not the Dr or lab, that we are having issues with.  We know and trust our RE and they really are good.  We are just hoping they can help us finally have a baby.  Well .. thats my ramble for now.