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rememberthis1 
12:22pm
I finally made the decision to end my 8 year relationship. The relationship had been over atleast two years or so before now...I've just been trying to hold on and hoping my feelings would return as they were before. They did not! I've now moved out and now have the opportunity to do as I wish and have my freedom...but I'm fucking scared to death I'm going to fail!!!..Everyone expects me to do so, they don't think I'll be able to make it on my own...don't they know saying shit like that just really makes me want to commit suicide even more so!! I struggle on a daily basis to not think of suicide...and now, it's in my mind so often again!! I don't want those thoughts, I don't want the confusion....
Everything I loved before is gone..I don't want it anymore...I fell so deeply in the beginning, everything was so good...where the fuck did it go wrong?? I ask myself that all the time..why do I have this disease??? It's screwed up my life so much...in so many ways that I'll never be able to change again!! My God...I thought I was alone in a relationship, I'm really alone now...no family..there all 1200 miles away...my Children..gone..I lost those years with them, never to have again!!..I'm so MAD and ANGRY!!!....I feel like I have no control over anything anymore, I'm so scared!!....My meds,that's another story..I'm scared to take them for some damn reason at night..afraid of losing my mania? afraid of missing something something? not wanting to give up control?? I really don't know...if I fail this time as everyone thinks I will...there will not be another chance!!
Comments
You will not fail. You took the biggest step forward by moving out. As for your family you need to call them AND take their calls, you have to start that relationship back up with your family......BECAUSE I SAID SO. I am not everyone and I do not expect you to fail......so saying that everyone expects you to fail is false. Yes you need to take your meds.......you know that you are so much better on them.
Right now you are the one holding yourself back, and you are letting the negative control you. I know you had fun the other night and that is just the start of this new life, and you can make more great and wonderful memories. Do not let fear control you.
“Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.”
rennikc
Well... I think It's great that you are on your own now. It will take some time to adjust. You need to change how you think. I will NOT FAIL! I'll PROVE to everyone that I can do this!!!!! When you do, you will have everything to feel good about. As far as your meds....BIG NO NO!!!! You have to tell your pdoc!!!! You have to take it or else you just may end up 6 feet underground. You told me you did not want that for your sons. You could never do that to them! So....take your control back by taking your pills......
jeansmind
I tried to commit suicide once and let me tell you this stop whatever it is your thinking because I have been doing the same thing and if you think about it long enough you will probably act upon it. Your not alone please add me.
calmpaal
hey there sweetie, i know you are having it rough!!! i'm so proud of you, you are so strong:) wish i could be as strong as you and do the right thing:) you have so many friends here who KNOW YOU WILL NOT FAIL and we are here for u:) don't give up and listen to those crazzy people!!!! i'm here for u to talk to anytime i'm online:) i miss our chats and am worried bout you:( i don't wanna see something bad happen to u:( take care and hope to hear from u soon:)
misssassy