mirramjr's Journal

Ok so it's been two days and because I think this will only work if I am completely honest, with you guys and with myself, here goes the truth the whole truth and nothing but the nasty ugly truth.

Ok so day 1 starts off awesome, I find DS, join and get really motivated. I eat a healthy breakfast, a sensible lunch and then my daughter calls and says she's going to spend the week at her aunts house. Now, in order to understand why this is important info you need to know that I have been raising my daughter on my own since she was 10. There was a 4 year period where I was in a relationship with someone and she helped but mostly it has been just me. My daughter is my best friend. I hate being alone. She left for the week. I'm an emotional eater. Starting to get the picture. So I am driving home and feeling panicky about going home to an empty apartment. SOOOO I go to Nathans and pick up 2 chili cheese dogs and a small fries. I go home and wash that down with a glass of whole milk. Nice right. Now i'm feeling like shit for fucking up so soon into the diet. So what do I do? I have 2 ring dings and some more milk. SWEET!

OK Day 2 - So I am now determined NOT to mess up again. I have a healthy breakfast, a sensible lunch and then my dad (who owns our family firm and is therefore my boss) comes to the office and tells me there is a Gala I will need to attend the following evening. GREAT, I am too fat to fit into any of my suits so I tell him hoping I can get out of it. No luck he says go buy, rent or shit a suit but I better show up to the Gala. So I go to Mens Warehouse 2 blocks from my office and end up spending $3500 in new clothes (4 suits, 6 dress shirts 4 silk casual shirts, 3 silk pants, 8 ties and 4 pairs of shoes). God i'm so fucking pathological. So I don't even wanna go to the Gala in the first place and I make up for feeling like a fat slob by buying lots of fat clothes that gives me an excuse not to lose weight. Then to top it all off on my way home I stop by Taco Bell and get more fatty unhealthy crap to stuff down my big fat face.

Alrighty so day 3 is here. So far so good. I have forgiven myself for the past two days I had 2 cups of coffee with 1% milk and a breakfast bar. Will have a fruit in a little while, salad or a sub from subway (you know the kind Jared ate to lose weight) for lunch and I WILL NOT NOT NOT give in to temptation at the Gala or on my way home!!!!!! Also I need to start going to the gym. I have a membership at NY Sports Club for the last 2 months that I haven't used but once.

So...please guys I need a good talking to, some encouragement, feedback, advise blah blah blah. Just gotta know that someone out there knows what I'm feeling/going through.