negativity's Journal

i had the chance of going to a field school in Italy, the due date for registering was this coming Monday. I've been to Italy before and fell in love with it, the people, the buildings, the culture and the food. So going for eight weeks by myself, with no family just a close school friend and other university classmates, would have been amazing. However, whenever i think big i always get disappointed. I've always wanted to go abroad and study, especialy somewhere in europe. but being the youngest of the family kind of works against me at times. my older sisters thought i was joking at first, believing that i can't even go downtown by myself italy is probably out of question. But they always fail to realize that out of the four of us i have a good balance between street and book smarts. I remeber telling my family that throughout my university experience i want to go on a field school. It pisses me off that at first my mum and sisters all said yes, but now their backing out of it. at times i think that may be they don't want me to go because they never had the chance of doing something like this before. that they've only seen places like this after they got married, while i've seen so many different countries while being single. my second sister said that she thought i'd always have blonde moments and go to a club one night and drink a random drink and well everything will go down hill from there on. it's amazing that she's seen me grow up and still she has no idea who i am and what type of things i'm willing to do and not. meaning if i wanted to go to a club behind my families back whats stopping me from doing it here, at home. i would i waste all the money just to go clubbing and drinking in a foriegn country. there is no logic behind that. there are always advantages and disadvantages in being the youngest. This protective bubble that my family has be in is one of the disadvantages, meaning im 21 i'm old enough to take care of my self (to some extent). i have a strong gut feeling that i'm never going to be able to get out of here, on my own. well heres to wishful thinking, and to all those who have the complete trust of their parents. well that's not fare to say on my part. my mum does trust me, it's just the fact that my sisters have a huge influence over her final decisions. that's the only problem in being a widow, your older children begin to influence your thinking.