Throughout my life, I have faced my fair share of challenges, but somehow I've managed to survive. Most recently, I became pregnant for the first time, and I was very happy & excited. However, I miscarried the baby at 9 weeks and had a D&C on May 28, 2009. I am completely devastated and extremely sad. I don't know how to grieve for the loss of my little Peanut. I wanted this baby so much! Also, I was abused sexually by an uncle for many years as a little girl, as well as by a male babysitter. And I think those traumas have turned me into vulnerable target. I was raped by a "friend" while in college and by a coworker about 5 years ago. I never told anyone about those 2 horrifying events. I've struggled with depression for 20 years and have tried almost every drug there is. I have attempted suicide twice. I cannot seem to hang on to any meaningful romantic relationship, and I have been married and divorced twice. Sex is either too much or too little. But mostly I despise it. Going on with life has proved difficult, especially since the end of March '08. On March 27, 2008, I was raped by a man from my church whom I thought was a decent, trustworthy Christian. Since then, every day is a struggle to even get out of bed. Anger, fear, and shame are ruling my life. I still feel very alone.
Throughout my life, I have faced my fair share of challenges, but somehow I've managed to survive. Most recently, I became pregnant for the first time, and I was very happy & excited. However, I miscarried the baby at 9 weeks and had a D&C on May 28, 2009. I am completely devastated and extremely sad. I don't know how to grieve for the loss of my little Peanut. I wanted this baby so much! Also, I was abused sexually by an uncle for many years as a little girl, as well as by a male babysitter. And
music, reading, outdoors, would like to try meditation, trying to start writing again or at least journaling, love modern art, gonna try scrapbooking, hope to become a mommy someday very soon!
music, reading, outdoors, would like to try meditation, trying to start writing again or at least journaling,
March 27, 2009 12:24am
This is a letter I've written to the head DA of my county. I am struggling with the decision of actually mailing it. Am I doing the right …
I'm gonna add another one just because I wanna be the one that has all your visible hugs shown. :D Love you ^_^
Here's hopes you got a bun in this present to put in your oven ;)
Always sending love and hugs to you. :) Miss you lots.
Chocolate's an aphrodisiac. ;)
I'm hoping to connect with other female rape survivors for compassion and support. Some days, I feel like it was completely my fault. I couldn't do anything to stop what was happening. I don't remember much about that night since I'd been drinking. I don't think I drank very much though, so I don't know how I blacked out so easily. I have so much anger toward myself. How could I have been so naive and trusting?!
Div #1- I married my high school sweetheart right out of college at age 23. 2nd anniv, he said he didn't love me anymore. Div #2- married after 6 mos dating. Chronic liar wouldn't get help for all his issues, incl infertility, which he didn't tell me about before marriage. Needless to say, major trust issues! Married 12/06, divorce final 12/07. What a wasted year.
Much of what happened to me as a child was "blocked" from my memory. My uncle sexually abused me as a little girl, often in the bathroom at my grandma's house or at his own house. Little girls don't understand that it's not right that your uncle is doing these bad things. If he says it's ok, then little girls believe him. That had set the stage for many years of failed relationships, including 2 failed marriages, low self-esteem, promiscuity, trust issues, several rapes/sexual assaults.
I have anxiety about everything in my life. My failures, my job, seeing my rapist in public, my body, my finances, finding a therapist, feeling like I'll be alone for the rest of my life
I lost my baby @ 9 wks and just had a D&C on 5/28/09. Thought we were ok since seeing a heartbeat @ 7 wks. This was my first pg. I'm heartbroken and devastated.
