Journal

  Okay I am still waiting for a call-back from SACE and the Doctor's-both of which I had put off calling cause for SACE it would mean that I have to directly think about the issues I am having concerning the sexual abuse I suffered and my questions about Ninetta and the practice of private psychologists.  The Doctor's-well I finally had phoned them again (partly due to the fact that I was due to get my thyroid lvls checked again)-and anyways I mentioned the fact that I've noticed what I think are problems with hypoglycemia in the morning that I've never had before and asked my nurse to mention it to my Doctor-she phoned me back saying that she wanted me to come talk to her and my Doctor again.  I am a bit worried cause diabetes (both types) runs in my family and is an even greater chance of a person getting it if they have an autoimmune disorder.  I really hope that I don't have it. 

  I find it really frustrating that just when I am trying to get my life back together I get sick (especially with stuff that takes my energy lvls down).  I am also rethinking the advice that my Doctor gave me on taking a anti-depressant.  It goes against the grain but I am really thinking about it.  I think I will try one of the safer ones out there (on my Doctor's advice) hopefully to cure the hormonal side of depression-cause both hormones and how the spirit's doing affect the way we feel. 

  I am still trying to figure out my martial arts classes and tried to go yestyrday but it didn't work out so well cause I was a bit tired busy, and pretty depressed.  I don't know why I keep missing cause I love martial arts classes and they make me feel more confident in my ability to defend myself-I don't know maybe cause of the fact that I suffer from more social anxiety than most people do or I might be a little sick of them b/c maybe if I hadn't been abused as a child I wouldn't have been so keen on learning martial arts-but then again looking at it in a more positive way I might not have found out how good I am at wrestling-I still wish I could find a good wrestling club now.  When I do I will have to make sure I make some room in my schedule for it cause ideally I would spend 8 hours at school, work 6 hours a week, spend a couple of hours skiing each week, and would at least have to allow more tme for transportation (cause I go to school downtown) and chores, friends, blogging, and time for when my energy levels are on the low side. 

  Today I will go to work just before six, phone snowvalley for a make-up appt hopefully for Friday and try to clean up some, if I do well I will buy myself a small ornament (probably Mother Mary) that I want for my room.  Tommorrow I will try to see somebody at SACE, phone my doctor/nurse again, try to go to school and try my best there, work on cleaning up some more, and go to one of my martial arts classes.  If I do well that day I will buy myself an excersize mat or a nice scented candle-normally I wouldn't buy myself so much stuff in the short amount of time but I think I could use the incentive.  ;)

  So here's my journal entry update for the things I din't update in the other journal I wrote today.  My Dad's feeling better (after two weeks of not feeling so well and fluid in his lungs) and is attempting to go to work today-we think he had the h1n1 and we were a lttle worried about him cause he seems to get more sick in the last two years-but I guess he's doing okay now and probably has some natural immunity to it anyways.  He is also thinking about going on a mountain skiing trip to Banff this year (probably over the Christmas Break) and I was actually leaning towards a yes cause our relationship seems to be going better and my step-mom even though she hasn't changed at all and is still a pian in the ass I know how to better deal with her and take her criticism of me less to heart.  More and more I am thinking see is the one that has a problem not me.  As for scheduling an appt with ninetta gain well I still want to talk to somebody at SACE first before I make any major decisions. 

  As for Christmas well-on my Dad's side it might be delayed a bit cause Steph is going to Hawaii this year and Denise is going to be in Oregon.  I just wonder why Steph didn't plan to go to Hawaii till after Christmas-I wonder if she has a good relationship with Dad or even enjoys the aspect of Christmas at all (I think she's a narcissist).  Anyways for a my Christmas wish list (I made one finally this year cause I am tired of people asking me what I want and me not knowing).  On it included a Canada Savings Bond (cause I'm trying to be more finiancially savy), payment for the skiing lessons I am taking this winter, wiifit stuff/foldable trendmill, Christmas box for the needy etc.  I know I will not get all of these things but at least I will have some idea of what I want when people ask.  I have also started a shopping list of Christmas stuff to buy for my family and am even less sure of that-I try to get people more useful stuff like oven mitts for my sister for when she plans to move out. 

  For this week, well in school I plan to get things sorted out better (I am for various reasons nervous about school), get my martial arts classes sorted out, talk to people at SACE-other than Ninetta I also have some issues that I would like to discuss with them, get my appointments for this week done, and maybe buy some gifts for my teachers and friends at Shep and visit them.  I probably will not get this all done this week but I will try to maintain a positive attitude.