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ShazzerInc 
4:33am
Yep I did miss the first half an hour but I got to see my hero Tom Brady, it was great to see him live in play, he is such a great player, I was glued to him, just watching him, he thinks all the time, you can see he uses every opportunity to learn. I love the guy, I was really happy yo see him, i saw him score 2 touchdowns, pity I didnt see the start of the game. Oh well. maybe thats too much to ask.
I have an important week now, I have a week off. the trip to london taught me a lot of things, for one I have to put my point across, i cant go through life trying to please people, playing to other peoples tunes, yes I dont want to be selfish but this was my weekend and I should have said this is what I wanted to do. So you live and learn, I am loving uni, as hard as it is. I want to get on with life, I want to graduate in three years and begin a career, I want to use the time I have now, im thinking of learning languages, plus beginning to get coaching badges to train young kids football (soccer) I know I cant spend all my life hiding away from anxiety, I will try and push myself.
Im waiting on an important text from someone, some of you know who it is, fingers crossed I get that text, if i dont, ive not lost the game, i just havent got the text and then we will see when i go back to uni and see that person. I like everyone has weaknesses, I want to be a good person. London was a hard trip but through adversary I got home by myself. You learn about people and you move on. I want to concentrate on "me" I will be 24 next month, its scary im freeking 24, but its a number, I want to be happy, something I kept whispering to myself when I was getting depressed in London. I did well, im proud of what I did. Its about getting this jigsaw into place, im thinking of going to the docs, to get depression and anxiety meds. I have three pieces of work due over the next two months, plus a presentation, three exams in January, thats what I live for. Its funny I need anxiety pushing me, I want to be happy, I loved watching Brady, a person who I love, who took his chance when he got the opportunity. He worked and trained hard, it never looked like he would be in the place where he arrived. so that gives me inspiration, its looks im a million miles away from where i want to be, but if I work hard, i will get there, fight this depression, anxiety and other issues, the most important is my self image and kicking this thoughts that im ugly. Fingers crossed (you all know who you are)
I just need some Hazel delight in my life........lol.
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well, I am glad to here you so positve! I wish you could have enjoyed london but I guess I guess the lessons learned are just as important...And am i reading this right? You are loving uni? That is truly great Shaz! I am so happy for you!
I want you to be happy to and I think going to the doctor might make it easier. I know what you mean about self image. It's probably the biggest hill to climb but you can get over it, I know can. you are an amazing person. Keep it up shaz!
EscapeFromHear
YES! FINALLY, you will take a look at anxiety and depression meds. Good on ya mate! Uni is hard enough without having to deal with anxiety and depression. Both of which take up head space you could use for something else or something fun.I take clorazepam for anxiety and it just helps take the edge off. Best wishes. Keep us posted. Sorry your orange face is up.:-) Listen to BEP I gotta feeling. It is such a good song. Puts joy on my face,anyway.
OJewel
Hi shaz, are you referring to Tom Brady, quarterback of the New England Patriots? I also think he's a nice guy, and a great athlete. I've never seen him in person, but I've heard that he's a pretty good role model. I don't understand the game of football, but I do love to cheer on the players. lol
I wish you all the best in pursuing your dream career. You have the determination to make it a reality, what really makes it special is having the passion for what you do. It's quite obvious that you have the passion, but be prepared for challenges and obstacles. The way you deal with them makes all the difference in the world. Don't worry about the depression and anxiety....I think you can overcome whatever stands in your way. Keep smiling, and be happy, my friend.
Sabrina
Sabrina15
Shaz chalk it up to experience
I understand your traumatization
I too have felt "abandoned" it was
actually at an airport though by an
ex and it was totally harrowing
actually freaked out silently in the
bathroom although ppl could see I was visibly
upset and offered me a "ride" the person finally
showed but will never forget the feeling of fear
of being in a strange unfamiliar place.
I know that there are two sides to every story but
I also know that I have known you for over a year here on DS and you have always been there for me even in the lowest depths of your depression you still were there for me with words of wisdom and encouragement-
To chalk it up my friend
not everybody is compatible and there will be
disagreements amongst friends but how you work
it out that matters.
I know ppl need support and an ear when they're upset but to put it all out on a blog in a certain support group and the things that were said about you were totally vindictive and out of line and definitely weren't indicative of the Shaz I have come
to know and love-in other words this is a private matter between you and this friend that doesn't need to be aired on public boards ok they could pvt msg friends for support but I disagree with the manner in which they went about it-that's all consider myself a fair person and know that if someone came full on verbally attacking you I would be right by your side but some ppl that weren't there and only are hearing heresay should pick their words a little more carefully-always here for you Shaz-
Love Ya
Chris
cookiegurl
I'm wishing you all the best Shaz and i'm so glad you are looking into some meds. Like one of your other friends said uni is very hard work for people without anxiety, but for us with anxiety it's even harder. I know you can achieve all your dreams. Hugs x
stix24
listen to the others Shaz ,go see the doc,then carry on carrying on,i have enough faith in you for both of us,you know you can do it and i know you can do it,three cheers for Shaz ,hip hip hooray,hip hip hooray ,hip hip hooray,for he's a jolly good fellow ,for he's a jolly good fellow ,for he's a jolly good feeelow,and so say all of us.
witchnell