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I sit here and I constantly thin, I think all the time, I think too much, I am scared of the future, I wish I had a plan of what I am doing or going to do, but probably life is like this, I would say I am strong, alot of stuff I wroite in jourals, if there wasnt journals i wouldnt write.
The constant fighting with myself is taken its toll, the self destruction, I look at how the rest of the world is moving on, damn scared of what has happened and what will happen, scared that whatever I do, will never be enough, I think people leaving in life and even on here, its part of life, its hard because all i want in life is to have good friends, I try to be a good person, but i often fight with myself over everything, every hug, every comment, comparing myself to other people, hating the jealousy that comes into my head, im completely lost,.
U ltimatley no matter how many friends I have on here, it just doesnt count for the fact that i cant deal with life at times, actually thats wrong, i survive but thats all i know, i second guess people, i think im close topeople when im not, i am scared of some of my friedns, i am scared if i miss something, i hate what i have even become on here, kind of wish that things were different in my mind.
What do I do, i never push people, i mean like i maybe want to tal to that person, but i never impose, i have sometimes added someon MSN, to later dleete them, what they do think of me, i kind of know, they dont like me, i dont want to be a person, who it takes people to make the first move, friends, but i dont know hwat to do, the voices in my head, the fact that socially i am really bad, thats why people leave, people think i may be ignoring them, OR i have toi make the first move when we talk then he talks, i dont know hwo to deal with life, with people with myself. would i want it any other way because if life was easy, i would have shot myself years ago. life is hard, but i kind of love it, i want people to know that i find it hard with ypou, i seconfd guess everything, i wrote a journal comment today in someones journal and i wish i ddiint because i think i wrote was stupid, i wish you, my friends undertstand that.
Comments
shaz, big loves, we are all fighting the same battle my friend xxxxx
happychix
Shaz honey, I really feel for you. I have been in the same windstorm. All I can say to you is to be patient and try not to overthink things. Just let yourself be the wonderful friend that you are.
kuzy
I know how hard it is to second guess yourself and not feel well. Friends will accept you for who you are and not second guess you. You are a good friend. Hugs. Also, you talk to many people and know so many people it is amazing how you can do that and have so many friends. I think you are doing very well. I hope this will help. Hugs to a good friend that I am very proud to know.
fragileteacup
fragileteacup
Hey Shaz, the other day I was talking to a friend of mine here and telling him about what to do if he started to feel anxious in his work.
I wrote the following in big letters:
"DON'T OVERANALYZE"
and told him to stick it on the wall in his office.
I know this may sound rich comming from somebody who has overanalyzed himself too much in the past but it is true.
Stay positive and don't dwell on the same thing all the time, keep shifting your thoughts to different things that is how to deal with depression, a moving target is harder for it to hit.
SimonM
Although it maybe hard at times keep your spirits up and know that God always makes a way even when we are unsure of life's future.
ltaktosomeone
Hi Shaz - just chill - you are doing fine, no need to put any pressure on yourself to achieve, it's ok just to sit back and watch the world go by at times without feeling the need to do, say or think. Just allow to Be. Hugs
Breathes