I feel sad.....Identity crisis
November 4, 2009 8:04am
I had a moment of happiness this morning and now its back to the numb, trying suppress those bad feelings. My last journal wasnt …
Progress
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shaz191185 
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About Me
shaz191185
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About Me
Hi I am shahzad. but people call me Shaz. I wonder where people get that from, imagine the time when people are called by one letter or even numbers. like if two people were called Cody, they will have to known as CO1 and CO2, imagine in a science class when people keep answering carbon dioxide to every answer. but lets hope it never comes to that. That was me going on a tangent. Wow are you ready? as the heading says I will tell you about me. Well first thing is that i was never bullied as a kid but people just basically treated like crap which led to me growing up with no self worth, no self esteem and basically no belief in myself. People used me and then spat me out, people laughed at me, still do this has led me to lock myself in my bedroom all day and night. I have no friends in the real world basically either I have pushed them away or they have gone away, have major problems with that. I have massive social anxiety, I have had to learn how to talk to people, still find it hard to. I would not harm a fly but being to withdrawn people can mistake that foe being rude. apologises first if I come across like that. Whats next, well I have never had conversation with my dad ever, no emotional relationship with him which hurts even more when he swears and shouts alot. People may see that I have alot of female friends and think "hey that guy is using this place as a dating site" well not really seen as this is a support site I cant really open up to guys, I have an odd relationship with my older brother where we talk alot but nothing emotional. So if people think that then apologise again. I want to help people, I find it hard to ask people to ask for help thats my life in a nutshell. Anxiety is probably the biggest thigs I have had to deal with, anxiety with people, in social situations. That is my biggest problem and trying to work on those things is a daily 24/7, anxiety comes up upon me even when I may be doing anything even nothing. Basically life has led me to been really depressed at times, very lonely which shows that in real life I dont have any friends they have left or my insecurities have pushed them away, I feel apathetic. I also feel like I am a robot because somehow I have cut off my emotions and its only when I watch a film (on my own dare I say) where wounds open. but then a few minutes later back to no emotion. I am here to help anyone who needs it. I have great friends on here who mean the world to me.
Hi I am shahzad. but people call me Shaz. I wonder where people get that from, imagine the time when people are called by one letter or even numbers. like if two people were called Cody, they will have to known as CO1 and CO2, imagine in a science class when people keep answering carbon dioxide to every answer. but lets hope it never comes to that. That was me going on a tangent. Wow are you ready? as the heading says I will tell you about me. Well first thing is that i was never bullied as a kid
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Interests
Well I love comedy, all my life I have enjoyed it, I have 95% strike rate on getting a joke. I love sport, massive Manchester United fan. At this moment I have fallen in love with American Football cant explain (aren't you supposes to say that when you fall for a girl) New England Patriots are my team. I love reading, I will read anything, have a great imagination, I have so many ideas in my head think I have a book in me not literally well that would not be good would it? Massive film fan, love all kind of films (wow this is beginning to sound like a dating profile next I will be saying i like socialising) I really like socialising, even though I have found it hard with people I think people like me, why not eh. People interest me too, I'm not a weirdo, just like knowing about people. Im very approachable, so come dont be scared.
Well I love comedy, all my life I have enjoyed it, I have 95% strike rate on getting a joke. I love sport,
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Journal
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Progress Report.........
November 2, 2009 11:34am
Well what can I say, except I'm not saying things are rosey in the garden but things are progressing. the great work with my …
This entry is private
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Just keep looking forward..........
October 27, 2009 12:24pm
Yep I did miss the first half an hour but I got to see my hero Tom Brady, it was great to see him live in play, he is such a great …
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Cant think of a headline title.........
October 18, 2009 8:00pm
Im bloody supposed to be asleep, what am i doing writing a journal in the middle of the night, listening to One by U2, I think that song …
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Hugbook
Hug
Forgot to tell you, you remember that kitten with broken leg I found about a month ago, the girl I took it to texted me tonight to let me know someone finally adopted it, woohoo:) xx
Hug
yeah, thanks.
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Little Love
thank you, I know you are here for me and I am forever grateful...It is just that having lost my faith has been very hard on me.
Hug
ummmm yeah -that is finally me
in the pic-know the quality is a little
grainy but the most recent pic of me I could
find-is it horrid or something? :)))))))
xx
Chris
Hug
lol, jet-setting? funny. Glad to hear you are doing good, keep in touch shaz!
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Depression
shaz191185 hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Close Anxiety
shaz191185 hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Loneliness
i have no friends at the moment, even with people i have felt loneliness, if that makes sense.
Open Agoraphobia & Social Anxiety
shaz191185 hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Physical & Emotional Abuse
shaz191185 hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Shyness
shaz191185 hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Fitness Goals
shaz191185 hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Healthy Eating
shaz191185 hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Open Nutrition
shaz191185 hasn’t entered any details for this support group.
