Cory5's Journal

   I got drunk the other night and blacked out and somehow drove my friends car and wrecked it.  My boyfriend was worried sick, I guess I hit his car.  He was so hurt that I would do something that stupid.  He broke up with me and said he needs time before he can speak to me again.  Im so heartbroken.....I lost an amazing guy and I can never take this back.  I dont even know what happened.  I swore after what happened to my Son I would never drink and drive.  I hate myself so much....I broke a promise to myself, my son and hurt many people in the process.  Luckily I didnt physically hurt myself or anyone else and did not get arrested.  I just want to crawl into a hol and never come back out.  I now am living with the consequences, I havent left my house since this even other than to go meet my friend whose car I wrecked, I dont mind paying their deductibles however the fact I lost this wonderful amazing man is what kills me.  I have been praying all weekend and thinking about my actions, Im swearing off the bars for a while whether Im driving or not.  I just cant put myself out there like that.  I dont know if I will ever forgive myself for 1) drinking and driving and 2) hurting James.  I just dont want to go on anymore even though I wont do anything stupid.  I am leaving it in Gods hands and Im hoping he softens James' heart and helps him relaize because of one mistake it doesnt make someone a bad person if he took away this one mistake he would realize Im still a good person.  I wont blame him if he doesnt forgive me and take me back however I will never forgive myself.....