djbds1's Journal

Well, regarding Ami and my baby to be born...my pops knows...my mom knows...Ami's mom knows, HOWEVER...she has not told her "dad".

He is actually not her REAL father...Ami's real dad was in a fatal car accident when she was young, mom remarried this new guy...and they had a son (Ami's half-brother).

Problem was...this guy was verbally abusive, drank heavily, and eventually...he began beating Ami's brother...to the point of actually BREAKING bones.

What could make that any worse?? Well...the guy was a COP. He was discharged from the police force when; one evening, he decided to shoot off his handgun into the air (outside of their house)...his police co-workers arrested him and that was that. Ami's mom FINALLY got the sense about her to divorce him. No monetary settlement...no long divorce process...she just parted ways as QUICK AS POSSIBLE!!

Anyway...now that you all know what Ami's "so-called" dad (stepdad, I guess) was like...you can understand why she does not necessarily have him on the top of the list with regards to knowing about our baby!!

Well...I think things are looking up for Ami and myself...and our soon-to-be only child!!...that was, of course...until yesterday.

I am in SoCal for doc appointments staying with a best friend...

Yesterday,once I was done with my doctor appointment...I had 15 missed calls from my other best friend (Brian)...which NEVER happens...

For reasons still yet fully unknown...my best friend James was admitted to UC Irvine Trauma unit and subsequently into the ICU in CRITICAL condition. He is STILL unconscious, tubes EVERYWHERE, blood being pumped from the lungs and stomach, arm and legs swollen, and in general...one of the scariest things I could ever imagine looking at...my BEST FRIEND in serious condition.

James was BY MY SIDE through over 7 surgeries, he stayed with me at the hospital many times, he gave me rides to and from the surgery center, he took care of me and bought groceries when I was incapable of moving...he TOOK CARE OF ME when I was layed up in a HOSPITAL BED.

I CANNOT WITHSTAND looking at the most amazing friend I know...laying in a hospital bed unconscious...it HURTS ME INSIDE. I feel responsible...he MIGHT have overdosed on medications that came out of my travel bag! I have accounted for ALL of my medications, however, the POLICE seem to think I am to blame.

I know James would NEVER take medications from my bag. He is NOT that person...however, now I think I have some type of responsibility for his condition...WHY? Why cant I shake that feeling? I HATE IT! I dont want to be the "friend" that the family looks at to point the finger. I feel like everyone is blaming me...I DO NOT feel good about myself right now. I feel absolutely helpless, hopeless, and worthless.

What makes this situation worse?

Ami is NOT with me, she is battling horrible morning-sickness, debilitating pain from her incisions (from her disc replacement of almost 2 years back), and I have NO power to help.

What else could possibly make this situation worse??

I can DEFINETELY answer that...

Last week, after my father was bit by a dog (about 10 days after the bite), he went to the doctor because he had a painful rash, some small sores, and severe burning/itching skin...located on his arm, armpit, and chest. His regular doctor was NOT in, he was told the doctor would NOT be in until much later, and pops was then seen by the Physician Assistant.

First thing she does...

She goes ONLINE to figure out what the symptoms represent!! Come on!!! What the hell do these people go to decades of med school for if they are gonna use WEBMD.com to diagnose?!?!???

Her diagnosis...

"Well, I am fairly sure that it is NOT shingles..."

OK, if you CONSIDERED shingles as a possiblity...wouldn't it be right to assume that shingles is a strong possibility? The thing was...she was "sure" it was not shingles, however, she did NOT have a specific diagnosis other than that!!

So...she treated it as if the bite just happened that day. He was given multiple STRONG shots/pills of anti-biotics, charged $420.00 (no insurance, of course)...and sent home with NO instructions for care. Oh, and on the way out of the exam room...who was standing there?? Yea...the DOCTOR was there the entire time.

2 days later, the rash/blisters had spread, became more painful, and irritating...so he went BACK to the doc (who was there this time).

What do you think the VERY FIRST words out of the docs mouth were regarding a diagnosis??

Give up? He said..."100% positive that this is a case of SHINGLES..." Pops was instructed to immediately discontinue the anti-biotics (because they were actually making the shingles WORSE). He was sent home with NO new instructions or medications...

Well, I just found out this morning that my dad is bedridden...he CANNOT move from laying on his side. The blisters are nickel-sized and have spread violentely into his armpit.

He is explaining the pain to me as the WORST PAIN he has EVER EXPERIENCED. Put it this way; over his lifetime...my dad has accidentely put a nail through his thumb from a nailgun, he has broken 4 ribs in the back region, he has endured 2 horrible hernias, his Achilles tendon was SEVERED, and that is just the tip of the iceberg with regards to pain...

If my dad is saying this pain is the worst...I could not begin to imagine HOW bad it actually is.

He is explaining the pain as hypersensitive burning/tearing/ripping of his flesh...aching/dull/sore...shooting/stabbing  of the skin.

Basically, my dad is experiencing the pain I have (daily in my groin), although, he is feeling it in TREMENDOUSLY strong doses all at ONCE.

Shingles is a crippling recurrence (awakening of the dormant chicken-pox virus) of what most of us remember from childhood...but 1000% worse. I have ACTUALLY HAD shingles back in 2003...although, I was given an IMMEDIATE anti-viral med. Thankfully for me, I healed up with MINIMAL pox scars.

The thing is...shingles can (if not treated properly in the first 72hrs) cause BLINDNESS, DEAFNESS, LOSS OF FACIAL MUSCLE CONTROL, ORGAN DAMAGE, PAINFUL SCARRING, PERMANENT SCALE-LIKE SKIN LESIONS, BACTERIAL SKIN INFECTION, POSTHERPETIC NEURALGIA (AN ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE NERVE PAIN), AND ONE OF THE WORST PROBLEMS...

Shingles can lead to ALLODYNIA: pain from the slightest touch of the skin such as a slight breeze over the skin or contact of clothing on the skin.

I HAVE ALLODYNIA in my groin, right thigh, and genitals...I would not WISH THIS TYPE OF PAIN on the world's worst evildoers...NEVER.

I CANNOT keep my composure right about now...I am like a little child lost in the woods with no sense of how to get out, why I should leave, or if there is ANY hope of finding escape...EVER.

I really do NOT understand the mentality of a doctor who sees their patient, diagnoses them with a VERY severe condition, and then just SENDS THEM ON THEIR WAY with NO INSTRUCTIONS/DISCHARGE INFO or sense of what is going to happen!!! WHO DOES THAT??? I know who...a doctor who obviously cared about one thing...and ONE THING ONLY...$$$. Yea...that doctor made $600+ dollars off my dad for a grand-total of 10 minutes face-to-face consultation/examination...just 2 visits...$600???

Whats worse?? YEA...it DOES GET WORSE.

My buddy James has NO INSURANCE. He has already gone through paramedic care, critical ambulance transport/care, critical ER care, and now he is working on DAY #2 in the SURGICAL INTENSIVE CARE UNIT (for trauma patients).

Do any of you know what ONE ambulance ride can cost a NON-INSURED individual??? Well, I can tell you this...medical insurers charge upwards of $2000 for ambulance care. God knows a night in the ICU probably costs $10,000.

Well, I am signing off...

If anyone has some support...PLEASE send it my way!! ANY PRAYERS are MORE THAN WELCOME.