Journal

I have completely quit watching my food portions.  I dont want my health to suffer, but ill get really fired up about making better decisions for my health, then all the sudden im back eating the way i was.  The other addictions (with gods help and the help of others) have been kept at bay.  The food is still a thorn in my side though.  It's not that i dont want to do the work in order to lose the weight,  I just keep falling into this damn rut.  I ask myself am i sad about it.  The answer to that is not really, just so frustrated that I cant stick to this shit.  I am completely powerless over food and cant seem to get a grip on how to control it.  I am happy and greatful today though.  I have been taught by certain spiritual principles that there is hope, and one day if i really want to get a handle on this thing that I can.  I have come so far.  I have progressed so much, and I dont want to, and will not repeat the mistakes of my past.  To do so I have to learn from them.  There is also a positive side to all of this, in goin through my own self-constructed disaster, I can help others and thats what I have to strive to do if I want to be successful.  Also on the bright side, i hardly ever eat fast food anymore, (besides the dredded buffets) and I dont drink soda much anymore either.  God grant me the serenity to accept the things that i cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Well I found myself being fearful and depressed from a recent weightgain.  I have decided to do an overhaul, and try the lifestyle change thing once again.  I am trying to accept myself for who and what I am.  Trying not to call myself bad names because of the way I look and feel.  Trying not to give a ratsass what other people think about me.  Is this an overnight job?  I can answer that with a resounding NO.  It is something i am striving for today.  Things are good today, and I thank God most of all for that.  Thank you God.

Certain things going on are a bit bothersome to me.  This is nothing new.  Im also greatful in so many ways for everything I have.  Not depressed or sad really, but other issues in my life have troubled me a bit lately.  Life is good though.  One things I have to stop doing in order to get make things a little better is to stop over-analyzing things.  I am greatful today though.  Greatful that God has given me another day.