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WanderingVet 
1:08pm, October 30, 2009
I am a Viet Nam veteran, ... 62 years old, single, with no children. Everything was fine until the beginning of this year. I lived in a 3 BR 2BA lakefront home in North TX, outside the city limits of a small town. Even then, I was reclusive. For 5 years, I made no friends nor established any relationships. I was taking care of my mother who had MAJOR heart surgery very soon after my Father passed away in 2003. She owned the house and I paid her a reasonable rent. I NEVER expected to be there from 2003 until 2008, as living with Mother is not my idea of life (sweet as she was). In fact, at the end of 2007,she was in pretty good shape, overall and my Brother and his family lived next door, and I had procrastinated long enough. I needed to get "on with it", but could not decide where I wanted to move (actually, I believe now I was afraid (of I don't know what) to leave my little/comfortable hideout). Renting a house/apartment somewhere involves so much, … and often a 6-month or 1 year lease commitment. I did not want to "go somewhere", make that commitment and expense (furnishing it, mainly), then find I did not like being there so much. I mentioned this to family members and it was suggested I become a full-time RVer. Oh, how wonderful it would be to go anywhere, anytime. I bought into it, and without knowing what I was really doing, bought a new SUV and a "vacation trailer". Both are virtually brand new. A little before that, Mom and I got a Dachshund Mini puppy. I thought he would make a good companion for Mom when I left.
So, with plans to leave at the first of this year, everything was set. On Dec 14, Mom was in a serious car accident and after 3 weeks in ICU, she passed away on Jan 6. Her will left the house to my younger brother (I received 1/2 ownership of some commercial property, … shared with another younger brother). This means I must vacate the house, .. no problem, … I planned to do that anyway.
On March 1, in somewhat of an intense "daze", I packed up the trailer and the dog (who I am EXTREMELY attached to but never planned to RV full time with him) and headed for the VA hospital in Temple TX to get some "minor" work done before actually "adventuring out". They did a minor procedure (outpatient) while I left the pup at the RV park in nearby Waco (I was only going to be a few hours). They sent me "home" at about 9:30 am. At around 2:00 pm, I was feeling tired and lay down. At about 4pm, I woke up delirious and weak. I could not sit up or stay conscious. Kept passing out. Grabbed my phone and dialed 911 but passed out again shortly after they answered. They had to find me by triangulating the cell phone call and 2 hours later, I woke up to 2 EMTs trying to get me on a stretcher. Turns out, the VA sent me home bleeding internally and I was bleeding to death. I passed out MANY times on the way to and after I got to the local hospital ER. I woke up enough to tell them my Brother's phone number, and they called him and he came down from 150 miles away. He arrived at the hospital while I was still in ER. I was transferred to ICU and he went to the trailer park and got the dog and took him back to his (my brother's) home. 4 days later, I discharged myself, AMA, from ICU. Keep in mind, all this while just getting stunned with my Mother's passing away and leaving my well-established lifestyle.
I recovered from all the medical thing and went and got the dog, and tried to resume my plan. For whatever reason, I hit the road in a pretty bad mindset, not even sure where I was going. I was new to RV'ing, had a dog with me, shocked at losing Mom, and just recovering from almost dying. I was in a daze, and just started driving west from TX.
I VERY soon realized I had made a BIG mistake. The trailer I have is WAY TOO SMALL to live in full time. Great for weekend trips, but full time is out of the question. I am stuck with it though because the SUV will not pull anything bigger (weight limitation). Also, RV'ing full time with a dog is not good or easy. I cannot leave the dog alone because the trailer is too small and RV parks will not let you leave one unattended unless he is inside the trailer. Taking him with me to do anything, . get haircut, eat, take care of personal business, whatever, is not good because it is against the law to leave him in a car alone because of the heat (though I would not do that anyway). I have to be with him constantly, … at the RV park and when I go somewhere. I leave him in the car with the engine running and AC on when I MUST go out. To make a long story short, … I HATE living in this trailer and I DON'T like RV'ing full time though since leaving Waco, I have spent a month in California and another month in Arizona, and now, back in TX. I spend my time mostly inside the trailer which has about the same "move about" room as a penitentiary cell. My time in CA, AZ, and now back to TX is more like a nightmare than a "vacation", as massive anxiety keeps me "hiding out".
I am looking to buy a small house somewhere in or near Austin. This could take MONTHS to accomplish, but is my solution to a lot of these problems. I just don't know if I will succeed. It is a big project, and though I have talked to a couple of agents, it is not even in motion yet. Waiting to see if I qualify for a loan.
I am very near Bastrop, .. have ample income, "new" car (the SUV), my own place to live (though I am not fond of the situation).
It's ironic, .. Austin is my home town. My Mother and Father graduated from the old Austin High School. Though we moved to Houston when I was about 7, Austin was the home of about 3 generations of my family. My great grandfather owned most of E 6th street!! Yet, here I am and know NO one here. They are all gone now. I feel invisible. I am reclusive. I am depressed. I often have attacks of something horrible, ... terrifying.
Mainly, because of the dog, I cannot do much of ANYTHING, …like take care of business, have a social "experience", meet people, enjoy ANYTHING, but getting into a house will solve that.
I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for about 35 years. That is what took me to the VA in the first place, .. back in 2003. Their medication worked pretty well until all these changes happened. I am also diagnosed with PTSD by them. I have been in worse shape, several times in my life, .. and I know what depression can lead to,.... been there. This dog keeps me alive and functioning. I am extremely attached to him and he to me, though I was not a dog person before. Don't know what would have happened had he not been with me during all this.
I know I'm in trouble,.... that's why I am here at this website.
So, with plans to leave at the first of this year, everything was set. On Dec 14, Mom was in a serious car accident and after 3 weeks in ICU, she passed away on Jan 6. Her will left the house to my younger brother (I received 1/2 ownership of some commercial property, … shared with another younger brother). This means I must vacate the house, .. no problem, … I planned to do that anyway.
On March 1, in somewhat of an intense "daze", I packed up the trailer and the dog (who I am EXTREMELY attached to but never planned to RV full time with him) and headed for the VA hospital in Temple TX to get some "minor" work done before actually "adventuring out". They did a minor procedure (outpatient) while I left the pup at the RV park in nearby Waco (I was only going to be a few hours). They sent me "home" at about 9:30 am. At around 2:00 pm, I was feeling tired and lay down. At about 4pm, I woke up delirious and weak. I could not sit up or stay conscious. Kept passing out. Grabbed my phone and dialed 911 but passed out again shortly after they answered. They had to find me by triangulating the cell phone call and 2 hours later, I woke up to 2 EMTs trying to get me on a stretcher. Turns out, the VA sent me home bleeding internally and I was bleeding to death. I passed out MANY times on the way to and after I got to the local hospital ER. I woke up enough to tell them my Brother's phone number, and they called him and he came down from 150 miles away. He arrived at the hospital while I was still in ER. I was transferred to ICU and he went to the trailer park and got the dog and took him back to his (my brother's) home. 4 days later, I discharged myself, AMA, from ICU. Keep in mind, all this while just getting stunned with my Mother's passing away and leaving my well-established lifestyle.
I recovered from all the medical thing and went and got the dog, and tried to resume my plan. For whatever reason, I hit the road in a pretty bad mindset, not even sure where I was going. I was new to RV'ing, had a dog with me, shocked at losing Mom, and just recovering from almost dying. I was in a daze, and just started driving west from TX.
I VERY soon realized I had made a BIG mistake. The trailer I have is WAY TOO SMALL to live in full time. Great for weekend trips, but full time is out of the question. I am stuck with it though because the SUV will not pull anything bigger (weight limitation). Also, RV'ing full time with a dog is not good or easy. I cannot leave the dog alone because the trailer is too small and RV parks will not let you leave one unattended unless he is inside the trailer. Taking him with me to do anything, . get haircut, eat, take care of personal business, whatever, is not good because it is against the law to leave him in a car alone because of the heat (though I would not do that anyway). I have to be with him constantly, … at the RV park and when I go somewhere. I leave him in the car with the engine running and AC on when I MUST go out. To make a long story short, … I HATE living in this trailer and I DON'T like RV'ing full time though since leaving Waco, I have spent a month in California and another month in Arizona, and now, back in TX. I spend my time mostly inside the trailer which has about the same "move about" room as a penitentiary cell. My time in CA, AZ, and now back to TX is more like a nightmare than a "vacation", as massive anxiety keeps me "hiding out".
I am looking to buy a small house somewhere in or near Austin. This could take MONTHS to accomplish, but is my solution to a lot of these problems. I just don't know if I will succeed. It is a big project, and though I have talked to a couple of agents, it is not even in motion yet. Waiting to see if I qualify for a loan.
I am very near Bastrop, .. have ample income, "new" car (the SUV), my own place to live (though I am not fond of the situation).
It's ironic, .. Austin is my home town. My Mother and Father graduated from the old Austin High School. Though we moved to Houston when I was about 7, Austin was the home of about 3 generations of my family. My great grandfather owned most of E 6th street!! Yet, here I am and know NO one here. They are all gone now. I feel invisible. I am reclusive. I am depressed. I often have attacks of something horrible, ... terrifying.
Mainly, because of the dog, I cannot do much of ANYTHING, …like take care of business, have a social "experience", meet people, enjoy ANYTHING, but getting into a house will solve that.
I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for about 35 years. That is what took me to the VA in the first place, .. back in 2003. Their medication worked pretty well until all these changes happened. I am also diagnosed with PTSD by them. I have been in worse shape, several times in my life, .. and I know what depression can lead to,.... been there. This dog keeps me alive and functioning. I am extremely attached to him and he to me, though I was not a dog person before. Don't know what would have happened had he not been with me during all this.
I know I'm in trouble,.... that's why I am here at this website.
Comments
UPDATE: Have qualified and been approved for a loan. Made an offer on house in Waco. Accepted. Waiting for VA appraiser and inspection. Closing depends on the outcome from them. Things are looking good.
WanderingVet
I enjoyed reading this entry! Thanks for sharing.
jennilyn
my husband is also a vietnam vet diagnosed with PTSD
I am so glad to hear that you have your loan and have made an offer on a house.take care and keep moving forward....
RainyDey
Still trying to close on the house. Inspector found roof and electrical problems. Ball in seller's court. He will let us know Monday or Tues (today is SAT.) how much he is willing to pay to fix the problems. Thank everyone for the comments. I appreciate it.
WanderingVet
Glad to hear there is a happy ending....even if you don't get this house, you will get another one. Dogs can be a great way to meet people you know !!!
Marigolds
Yay!!! that's so great..being able to have your own home!!
NitaSue62
I'm sorry for your loss, I can't imagine what it must be like, Hopefully your dream of owning your house will happen soon.
luckchanges
I am sorry for your loss and all you have gone through. I hope the house works out. You and your dog will love it. It's a little hard with dogs having to be there etc. but so worth it. I don't think I would be here today if it wasn't for my dog. God Bless. Teresa
tmd1010
Seller and I finally agreed and we have a deal. RE agent said he thinks we can still close by Jun 30.
WanderingVet
Your story is very interesting. I am sorry for your loss. While I was reading your story, all I could think of is ''I hope he finds an affordable house''. The last entry says you found a home and closed the deal. Mazel-Tov. I am very happy for you and hope all is good or great from now on. Be stong. DS is a goo site. Use it if you need it.
LoveFloyd
im glad you found your house now mellow out and relax.
mike
mike08
I have been told so many times: "bad times that do not kill us, makes us stronger". Hasn't made me feel much better, but hoping it makes more sense to YOU!!! I could never have gone thru what you have and survived. I admire you greatly!!!!
SueNich
Hey, i hope things work out. thanks for replying to my post. really appreciate the support.
chili08
It' all down hill now
Lightnin333
Enjoyed reading your journal. Good way to learn about people. Yours is well written.
Since I was a kid I wanted to take off east and come back from the west. Just go where the road takes me. Guess I'd have to rethink that now. And I wouldn't have a do even though I love dogs.
Glad you found a house you like. You need some stability in your life.
andrews
Yes, friend, you are caught in a quagmire of anxiety, depression, and lostness. I feel for you on many deep levels.
c140cfi
What a nice read - I wish you nothing but the very best--"WanderingVet" and I am glad you are here at DS!
Kristen70
I enjoyed reading this entry, you've been through a lot and I hope good things come your way from now on.
jitterygirl
sounds like things have been pretty rough but your little dog is helping you through it all....things will even out for you i'm sure..xx
computerdiva
Wow, you've had some heavy stuff happen quickly, and i know that many vets from Viet Nam were not sufficiently thanked or treated well. I have had some vets in therapy(I am a counselor) and I have had some non military post traumatic stress / depression myself. If you can manage to be with people more, get out more, go to the park, walk the dog(great conversation starter), things will not seem so bad. We were not meant to be so solitary, and you have some grief issues to work through. They come out, over time, whether we want them to or not. Glad you have the dog, they are great unconditional love. Glad your health has improved. Austin sounds like a great idea. Bastrop? Is there one in Texas, or are you in Louisiana?
bayoulady
Wow, you've had some heavy stuff happen quickly, and i know that many vets from Viet Nam were not sufficiently thanked or treated well. I have had some vets in therapy(I am a counselor) and I have had some non military post traumatic stress / depression myself. If you can manage to be with people more, get out more, go to the park, walk the dog(great conversation starter), things will not seem so bad. We were not meant to be so solitary, and you have some grief issues to work through. They come out, over time, whether we want them to or not. Glad you have the dog, they are great unconditional love. Glad your health has improved. Austin sounds like a great idea. Bastrop? Is there one in Texas, or are you in Louisiana?
bayoulady
Hey WanderingVet - Just checking in. Hope you have moved into your new digs and are settling in happily. Glad I read your journal about the RV'ing thing as hubby and I have talked about it off and on. We still have one dog alive and didn't think about the small space and going out problems. Hang in the guy and best wishes - af
alicefaye