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tazgore 
6:25am Friday
nothing in my life is good. Its all my fault i know, so i can't really complain about it. I just cant seem to make anything work right. i think that my wife is going to divorce me. I can't afford to keep my son in a good school, i will probably loose my house by the end of the year, and I owe a butt load in taxes from my failed buisness attempt. there is nothing left. no reason to go on.
I just got off of the phone with my Mom. i made lite conversation and pretended like every thing is going well. I dont want her to worry. but even with her, i just cant stand the thought of anymore tomorrows.
I'm begining to wonder if my SA really has anything at all to do with the way i act. Cant remember to do important things, cant concentrait, isolate myself, push people away, incapable of being a good husband. Thats just me. I know that i have some friends here at DS, but you guys dont really know me. I mean if you had to deal with the chaos that i leave in my wake yall would'nt like me. I'm just takeing up space, and everyones valubale time. If i have ever said anything to any of yall that was upseting or wrong please know that i always have the best intentions. I just can't seem to anything right.
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work on dissociation
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hey there, i understand that you feel you're a failure, but i think it's because you are too hard on yourself. i think that someone, somewhere in your "real life" social circle believes in you. but you are hurting so much right now to see that. also, please know that the aftereffects of SA are very far reaching with tentacles that touch EVERY area of our lives. in fact, it's not uncommon to see SA survivors join other self-help groups, such as financial, etc. please send me an email, and let's talk about this. don't do anything rash, ok? just talk about it first. there is ALWAYS a silver lining on EVERY dark cloud. ALWAYS. hang in there! - xxoo
iamjoey
btw, ALL the behaviors you mentioned: "Cant remember to do important things, cant concentrait, isolate myself, push people away, incapable of being a good husband"... these are ALL symptoms of PTSD. just so you know... you are NOT alone. why don't you check out the PTSD support group, here on DS. it might help to see that how you act, although not healthy, is common for SA survivors with PTSD, and that you CAN change. but it takes time. - xxoo
iamjoey