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tazgore 
6:25am, November 20, 2009
I've been talking more. Ecspecialy to my wife. She seems to be a little happier nowadays. I've been trying to write more on DS and make new friends. I still have a lot of trouble drifting "away" during a conversation or when i am trying to write something. Dont know how i am going to kick that one. I mean i'll start to drift away, relize that i have, think about ways to stop doing that, and in the process start to drift away to a place where i'm alert and on task and every one can count on me, then snap back and relize all over again that i've drifted, and now i'm late. I tell ya if i did not procrastinate so much i could have written so many books from my daydreams by now... drifting again. sorry.
One thing at a time. I am talking more now, and that is good.
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work on dissociation
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not only are you talking more now (which IS good, like you say), but...
you are also AWARE of your tendency to drift. that in itself is a HUGE step. the awareness. do you know how many survivors don't even realize they do this?
one thing you might try, is to jot down (nothing fancy, just a phrase or two to help you remember) what it was you were SUPPOSED to be thinking about when you noticed that you had drifted. a lot of times you will see a pattern emerge. for example, you might notice that you always drift when you need to focus and write something ahout showing your feelings to your wife... or getting something done that you've been meaning to do. first find the topic or focus that triggers you to drift. write these things down. then look at the list you've written and see if there is a common thread... maybe fear of failure (in not being able to express your feelings to your wife... AND not doing whatever, correctly).
hope that makes sense and helps some.
FYI, you are really doing well with journaling. i enjoy seeing you ask questions, and come up with some logical answers via stream of consciousness or just in continued writing. you're really on a roll now with your healing.
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!
iamjoey