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tazgore 
6:25am Friday
This may not make any since to anyone reading this, but i am about to just write a bunch of random stuff.
The way to get over this is by not going over it, or around it, but right strait through it. I need to let people that i personally know, know what happened. I need to push through the shame and stop greiving over what happened. I need to stop living the lie. I was raped. it should not have happened but it did. I should have told someone but i did not. These are things that are in the past and cannot be changed. I must deal with them as they are. i have deep rooted feelings of shame that i will get past. For me, i think the only way i can get past them is to tell one of my friends what happened. The big test, to tell one of my male friends. For me that is where so much of my shame lays. To be a male raped by a male and 34 years later tell one of my male friends what happened. if i can do that then i can start holding my head up high, and stop being ashamed. But who to tell.... There is one person that i can think of. Some one i feel that i can trust. I feel that i must do this to move on to the next phase of healing. Right now i just sit around feeling sorry for my self. It is affecting my marriage, my relationship with my child, my work, and my life. I want my life back. He will not take that away from me!!!
Comments
It's good to see your detemination, and You are so right, we have to move straight thru this, I think telling one of your male friends would be a healing step for you, I felt guilt, shame, anger at myself, i didn't want to tell anyone because of these things, but now that I have 3 close friends I talk to about this they Balanced out my thinking, they reinforced the truth for me, and to see them still love me and be angry at the abuser and protective of me, and tell me how he was wrong, I can see it from there point of view and in shows me another angle of truth. This shame is not yours, Step out of it. YOur friend may help you. Let me know what you decide to do. You deserve to be honest and still loved, you deserve to be free of this trauma. You will be. I can see it =) for both of us
AZVegan
you are doing so much good, deep, healing work, Taz. i am SO PROUD of you. please take a moment to acknowledge the steps you've taken. even just THINKING about revealing your abuse to a friend - and a male at that - is such a huge step!! like AZVegan, i think it will be immensely empowering for you to do this. let me know what happened... (of course this is your fabulous friend Jo, commenting on a YEAR OLD entry. i know, i know. sigh.)
iamjoey