Join Now
tazgore 
6:25am Friday
another flashback this morning. My day started at 4:30am. I got into the shower and turned on the water and just stood there. I stood there for about a half an hour doing nothing. just reliving, wondering why. I hate these images that flash through my mind. The pig farm... the pond... the field. Tall grass, weeds. I just want these memories to not exist. if I think about it to much i want to throw up. I know it wasnt my fault but still... I feel helpless; at fault; dirty; and unable to hold my head up high. I really do feel like throwing up.
Comments
Tazgore what are you talking about? I have been offline for awhile and must have missed some entries? I am sorry for memories you have that are sad and troublesome. What happened? I don't want to relive it so actually you don't have to answer that. I wish I could take you memories for you, all the ugly ones, and throw them away and make it better. I so do not like memories that suck. just focus on what is good now in your life and not the past. its over and done and nothing can change it. do your best and live your best and surround your life with good memories to look back on. If I sit and obsess about my ugly memories I totally want to puke and die and curl up and tune out. and I tend to be totally thinking about them way too much! ugh! so we'll both just have to let the past go and embrace our wonderful selves and be good and kind to others and on and on the story goes. much support from me to you wherever you are.
keeta35
Tazgore what are you talking about? I have been offline for awhile and must have missed some entries? I am sorry for memories you have that are sad and troublesome. What happened? I don't want to relive it so actually you don't have to answer that. I wish I could take you memories for you, all the ugly ones, and throw them away and make it better. I so do not like memories that suck. just focus on what is good now in your life and not the past. its over and done and nothing can change it. do your best and live your best and surround your life with good memories to look back on. If I sit and obsess about my ugly memories I totally want to puke and die and curl up and tune out. and I tend to be totally thinking about them way too much! ugh! so we'll both just have to let the past go and embrace our wonderful selves and be good and kind to others and on and on the story goes. much support from me to you wherever you are.
keeta35
Sweet Tazgore, I'm sorry your feeling such intense emotions and confusion over this. Maybe your brain is trying to fill in the gaps for you, and that's why the flashes are there? I'm So sorry this is all so confusing I know, I'm going thru similar shit right now. We have to know that we were the innocent children, There is No reason for Us to feel dirty or wrong, What They did to us was wrong, But we are beautiful, Lovable, Worthy people, Who deserve Peace and to be Ok. I've physically felt like throwing up too, My therapist said this can happen when what happened goes against what we believe so much that it's our bodies saying "I can't Stomach This." I know how you feel please try to be gentle with yourself and work thru it, I know this shit is So painful, But we can get to Ok. I don't know how long it takes, but we can. Hold your Head up, You deserve Happiness in life, The Sun shines for you, the Food grows for you, your heart pumps, You are Sacred, Own That. Message me anytime you like.
Peace and Love
Pamela
AZVegan
i've never had a "flashback" as such, with pictures... maybe because i've always remembered what happened to me (the picture part of the memory anyway)... i don't remember the feelings... i'm sorry you have to deal with all that. it's amazing how a few minutes (although it seemed like a hours i'm sure) can fuck up your life so severely. sigh... ((hugs))
iamjoey