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tazgore 
I've been out of it for some time now. Work has been real slow so i have a lot of time on my hands. It seems that i should be able to get a lot of stuff done. Instead, i just have been sitting around being depressed. Well, I don't want to do that anymore. I miss being on this site. Getting support from others, giving support to others; it just makes me feel better. Also i am going to start getting up and doing things. I have to tile the floor. Not only will i go ahead and do that, i will turn it into a father son project, and teach him how to do it.
Where did all of this sudden umf com from? I guess it came out of my therapy session yesterday. She informed me that i was clinicly depressed, and that i should be on meds. The problem is, is that i cant afford it. I cant afford the therapy that i am recieving either. The catholic church is paying for that, but they wont pay for the meds. My therapist also informed me that the church is only willing to pay for three more sessions. She was kind enough to offer me 6 more sessions from those 3 remaining payments. After that... well i guess i will be on my own. She recomended a state run facility that would see me, and also offer meds at a huge discount. I have mixed feeling about the meds though. I am the type of person that doesnt turn to medication very quickly for anything. but i am tempted by the promise that i would have better concentration, and feel more motivated to get things done. Its strange, when work is real busy, and i have no time for myself, i feel more motivated to do things. When i have huge amounts of time on my hands, all i want to do is sulk. well after next week sulking time is over for the rest of the fall. Once again i am headed off around the country. First to Miniapollis at the end of August. After that i head over to Phoenix for a week, come home for a week, and then back to Scottsdale for a week. The Phoenix trip should be interesting. For about 6 months i lived there back in 10th grade. I would love to find some time to look a round and see how much has changed since the last time i was there. Of course the old neighborhood was not a very good one back then. It's probably worse now. i lived close to W Pima and 7th ave. I am at least going to try to get the crew to agree to go to Casa Garcia's which is the only restaraunt that i remember, but i had real good memories of that place. Well after Sept I have a few shows here in New Orleans so i can be home for a while. I like to work and be busy but i like to work at home more than working out of town.
Well its time to go now and bring my son to shcool.
Comments
Good for you for getting it out. I am sorry you tend towards depression. I agree with you that when work is busy and there is not much down time, motivation comes easily and when work is slow and all that time to oneself seems to never end? of course it is so easy to get sucked in to our own person. I would go nuts if I didn't have something going on as I tend to dwell on the past and get lost in it and it really has a great tendency to bring me way down! I understand your mixed feelings with the meds. I was on antidepressants 3 years ago after a lot of really trying times came my way and I just couldn't eat, or ate too much, I lost interest in friends and family and was so tired and I stopped exercising and just cried all the time and could not focus for. And I was just about to start school full time and was in a horrifying situation with my daughters father that was sucking out all my energy so I did the pills for one year. I told myself one year and I stuck to it. I have no regrets and must admit I enjoyed my excellent focus, energy, positivity, and so on and so forth. I would still get very down about what was happening with my little girl and her mean selfish father but I just didn't hold on to it as long and yes, I prayed every single night for God's strength and love to hold me up and carry me through and help me. I never went to church, never read the bible, but found my own God during a very profound moment in my life and believe this to be my greatest resource for strength. Drugs come in handy from time to time so don't totally write them off if indeed perhaps you have something that is chemical and is out of your hands. When we get so depressed it does throw the balance off and for me that is how I knew I was in trouble and the pills helped me for the time I needed and I have not gone back. I have also quit drinking and 6 months in to it I feel pretty good most of the time. I cannot believe I was drinking so much! And for 6 years! so much pain in life and I didn't want to deal but wow, its insane how all those years are rushing back in now and dealing with it clean and sober is the best thing I could have done for myself. There must be some other way for you to get help without paying so much it? Many people will do a sliding scale. I would not have been able to see my therapist if she didn't slide down from her standard 100 and hour down to 40! It helps a lot every now and than but I am so poor right I cannot see her and sonnow I just pray harder and try to remember that it could be so much worse and my life is a blessing. I work at a medical clinic and see so many injuries that people will never fully recover from and they just are so sad and discouraged and really hard up for money and I look at my life and just feel so lucky.
Sorry I am rambling here. I haven't been on board with this much either as I have been blue and busy and really miss writing so when I do write someone back I tend to go off so I apologize for that. Anyway, welcome back! I hope you are having a great time with your son and that you have safe journey's on your travels. Bring a camera and snap some beautiful places. Peace to you!
keeta35