Join Now
bcgradgirl 
11:45am
I have to say that I have been working a lot on my attitude and trying very hard to see the glass "half full". I am so thankful for all the wonderful things I have in my life and I'm trying to not take that for granted, but I cannot stop questioning why I seem to have so much crap thrown my way. Ive heard the saying "God only gives you what you can handle", but I have to say, I kind of think that is a crock. How much can I handle?? I know I have had a lot thrown my way and I have emerged stronger in some sense, but when will it stop? On Sunday night my husband was so sick again. He was hugging the toilet for hours vomiting which is not like him at all. It was like a flashback to July when he was in the hospital for several days because of a Crohn's disease flare-up. He convinced me this was not the same, that he may just have a stomch bug or something so I let it go. I was up every hour that night as I listened to him wretching in the bathroom. The next morning, on Monday, he was still really sick. He had a fever, massive pains in his stomach and was still vomiting. At that point I was beginning to get nervous. I called my Uncle who is a doctor and called Jeff's gastroenterologist who both suggested I take him to the emergency room. Now getting him to go to the ER is a whole other story. He is terrified of the hospital. I can understand why. He once spent almost a month there and had feet of his intestines removed. He almost left with a colostomy bag and at one point they thought he may not even make it. Thats pretty damn scary and I can completely empathize with his fear of going back to the hospital, but I did not know what else to do. After a massive lecture, he finally agreed to go. They immediately took him in and started an IV, pain meds, anti nausea meds and anti-anxiety meds. Within a few hours he was starting to feel a bit better thankfully. We spent about 11 hours in the ER and they decided to admit him. I stayed as long as I could and finally left the hospital around 11 pm feeling really nervous about the next day. As many of you know, my husband and I own our own business and my cousin also works for us. My cousin has been out for weeks because of heart problems and he will most likely not be back for months. Jeff and I have been working longer hours but we have been okay without him. Having to work yesterday all by myself was crazy! I kept telling Jeff it was no big deal, that I would be fine, because I did not want him to worry about work. My Mom and Dad both came over and I was trying to give them each small jobs to help me and we made it through the day. Thank God Jeff came home last night but his disease is scary. The doctor was up front with him and said he will have flare ups now and again his whole life and that eventually he may have to have surgery again. I know this scares him so much but we talked last night and I told him he should start to make peace with the fact that he has this disease and he will have some ups and downs forever. I am so thankful he is home and he is okay. Its so scary seeing your husband (a big, tough guy) reduced to tears from being in so much pain. I know I totally rambled with the long story....sorry.... I guess I just keep wondering how much more crap is going to be thrown my way????? I just want a little peace and quiet for a change so I can move forward, is that too much to ask?
Comments
I'm so sorry about your DH. I have 2 friends with crohns and it never gets easier, but hopefully the time between flare ups is LONG... You do have so much on your plate, I'm sorry you have so much "crap" thrown at you. I hope better times are coming soon. Glad DH is out of the hospital... peace to you both..
klimawife
I know how you feel...it seems that so many things are happening around me...stress is everywhere, I've worked at the same place for 17 years and now we're yet again, downsizing and I'm losing MORE hours...not good for my goal of paying off my visa. I can't see straight when it comes to financial burdens, then there other issues in my personal life with my best friend that keeps me up at night, and you know what...if I didn't have to think about IVF and IF and "what if", and "what if it doesn't ever..." and "what can I do?", and "maybe I'm not even able to..." and blah blah blah...if i didn't have that to obsess about ...i could deal with all of life's shittt! But it adds on that lovely little cherry of stress on the top of the cake! God has given me more than I can handle...because I'm not handing any of this well...I'm no fun, preoccupied, and depressed. It is a crock!
Katy1969
I'm so sorry you keep having to deal with so much. That sucks DH had to go through that. I'm glad he's home now and feeling better. I hope things start looking up, you deserve something good.
Jen2279
Better days WILL be ahead, just trust. You are doing the best with what is coming at you so be proud of yourself for that. You have a lot on your plate. Just take it one day at a time and before you know it this will all be a faint memory. I pray for the health of your DH and hope he starts to feel better. You are awesome and one strong cookie!!
shannonc111
Wow, it does sound like many things are being thrown at you. It also sounds like you are always coming out on top and that is a good thing. I always pray for you and DH and I know better days are coming your way.
RoxiesMama
Gosh, that is so scary and awful. I had a friend w/Crohn's disease when I was in college and to this day she still struggles. It's a horrible disease and I am so sorry that DH (and you) has to go through that pain and fear. I think it is perfectly acceptable to question why so much has to come your way. I have felt that way many times in my life. But it's true without the hardship and the pain we wouldn't understand the feelings of joy, happiness and bliss. I know it doesn't feel this way, but things will turn around and the clouds will go away. When that sun is shining, the smile is permanent and you feel utter happiness, you will remember that this long, painful road was worth it. Hold on to hope. Until that sunshine comes, I am pulling for you and praying that everyday brings you one step closer to your miracle and joy.
auntieweewee
Hilary, I am so sorry that I wasn't around to take your call the other night. It has been hectic here. Wow, I hope Jeff is feeling a little better. I know you are both scared & totally overwhelmed with everything that you have been thru. I pray everything smooths out for you soon. I will call you later. Just know that I am always thinking of you sweetie....friends forever, right?!? xxxxx
dulcylee
Oh my.. I am so sorry to hear about that! My DH's cousin boyfriend has Crohns as well... that is so scary! Hang in there through this very tough time and know we are all thinking and praying for you and yoru family!
MDB
I hope Jeff is feeling better! Hang in there.. praying for you and your family.
lvnikita
Oh man, you dont need anymore. So sorry Jeff was so sick. It must be so frustrating, scary, and so much more. Glad your parents came over to help you. I know you feel like it is never ending and you cant breath, but it has to let up soon. I will pray, send calming energy, and what ever I can think of that may help you get through this. Great big hugs to you.
CLynMomtoBe
it sounds like you have a lot to handle. i think you have the right attitude though (or maybe it was in a prior email) definitely see a therapist when you can. i went when i was going through a tough time (my divorce) and have gone back periodically (as needed). whatever doesnt kill you does make you stronger. i can honestly say that from all i've been through but you do have a lot to handle. i'm so glad your parents are helping. can you hire someone even part time to help - with your cousin out for who knows how long and since you dont know when jeff's flare ups will be? by the way i know people with crohn's and the flare ups are normal for crohn's. it must be very scary though for both of you. all i can say is hang in there. it sounds like you do have your priorities straight and we (me) are here is you need anything - a pal to vent to - an ear just to listen - a shoulder to cry on - whatever. hope your cousin and husband both are getting stronger and improving.
suzypsz
I'm so sorry Jeff had to go through all of that but hopefully he will have very long periods btwn flare ups. You were very strong for him and I'm sure that helped him. I agree with you that the saying "God only gives you what you can handle" is a crock. Without going into details, I've been given so much more than I can handle and even with 2 years of therapy, things keep coming my way and it stinks. But I honestly believe, and it's going to take several more years, but it's going to get better. It just has to. And I feel that it will be the same way for you too. I think we all go thru periods of angst but some longer than others..and some have better support than others. It's so wonderful that your parents live nearby and can be there for you. Hang in there..it may not be next month or even next year but things definitely will get better.
mich2
sometimes, does'nt it feel like, if it's not one thing, it's a motherf-ing 'nother??
i'm glad your cousin is better, but i'm really sorry to hear about Jeff. Crohns runs in my family, and most of the men have it. i know how scary it is, and i'm sorry to hear that you have to go through this. just one more thing on your plate...
i do think it is a crock(the whole only get what you can handle thing)
what are you supposed to do? not handle it? it's not like you have a choice...
the only way out from the bottom is up!!!
anyway... thanks for the message, and have a great 5 year!!
love, sandi
sandrad319
I am sorry DH was so sick but glad you got him to go to the ER. I am sure it is very scary but if he catches something early on then he may not need surgery (I am sure you told him that already). I think your advice of him trying to accept what he has and to learn how to live with it was great. I used to try to live like all of my friends and people around me and would get so angry and upset when I could not keep up. I lost friends because of my health issues (but I guess they were not really friends). Finally one day I had to tell myself that I am different, my body is different and I need to live my life within the limits of my health. When I stopped being so hard on myself and rebelling, things started to get better. Of course I still have days when I get angry about it and wish I did not need to eat different foods, take so many medications or spend so much time and money at doctors, but overall I have come to terms with it and it has made my life a lot easier.
I've also wondered the same thing about only getting what we could handle. I would joke that God must think I am really strong or wonder what He is preparing me for that I need to be stronger. I am not sure of the answer. Maybe God is using you as a tool and working through you to help others. In order for you to be able to really help someone, you usually need to know what it is like to live "through" some hard times and come out the other side, stronger, wiser and a better human being. There have been many times in my life when the only thing that made it easier to accept all the hard, painful things in my life was the belief that some day, at some point I may be able to help someone else get through something difficult (if that makes sense).
I will pray for DH to continue to get better and for less flare ups. I will also pray for God to continue to give you the strength you need to get through the hard times and to surround you with others who can help, if just being there to listen and let you know you are not alone. You are a wonderful woman and I believe God works through you all the time.
Lioness816
Sorry it has taken so long for me to read this. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with right now and I am sorry for that. No one deserves any of this. You are such a strong person I really don't know how you do it. Just please stay strong and you will make it through. I'm here if you ever need to vent to someone. XOXOXO Jessica
PreciousChild