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choasity 
Heavy day. Heavy days.been under a cloud of fatigue- diagnosed as depression for a few weeks.riding it out and feeling the onset of mania today. It was horrible but ds helped get me out.need to recognise and pull out but it doesn't come naturally to touch the root but even then I am by hitting the epicentre and cycling. Apparently if I have 4 in 12 mths it's rapid. Had 3 biggies so far.A young lord thru himself out of a bldg Dad said he couldn't deal anymore. Same as mamadi with panic attacks so guess with the same thing. US journalist also I read about all in the last few months. Want to survive, want to get better but I even considered hospital if I couldn't manage. It's real bad at the moment. I have years running down my face from writing this.
My life this week seems to be defined by one word - no energy and sleep - just sleep, sleep and more sleep - i feel i could sleep my life away at this stage. The days keep passing by and I need to do so many things and I seem to keep failing coz I get up and invariably go back to bed till mid-afternoon or the evening then am up and back to bed at midnight. What a life!
I feel I've recovered - and all is well - one doctor believes it but the other one - the one giving me the meds says although he's pleased with my improvement, I'm still sick and it doesn't mean I don't have the Illness anymore. So he won't reduce my meds which are alot.
Spent a few weeks or a month of real normality again - I don't care - I'm well but he says it's only becoz of all the pills that I am and I still have this illness and that's the reason. I think it's all the hard work I've put into therapy and finding my behaviour patterns and changing but anyway. Still they have helped alot too but I wish I could try and see how life would be without them.
I'm going to make more appts to see him - coz the other one knows me better - and see if I can somehow change his mind. I've put on 4 kgs since he increased the dosage a few months back and it has made me break through and I am also much better becoz of them but anyway - I feel well. I guess without them I won't be is his view. In that case - I'm not truly well but anyway.
I feel I'm normal again and life is - which is a new feeling after all this time and it's good to be back. I guess I just want it confirmed and to say I have recovered.
I suppose that's what I can say - I've recovered but I'm still on meds.
Past Entries
| December 2008 |
Monday, 12/29
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Monday, 12/22
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Sunday, 12/07
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November 2008 |
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Saturday, 11/15
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October 2008 |
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Monday, 10/27
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Friday, 10/24
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Goal Updated
