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freedomplease 
3:44pm, March 9, 2009
So my month away from DS was almost complete when Missy texted me the terrible news. :'(
numbers mentioned:
Today marks the month though, and I'm going to be around here again. So I guess I'll update you on how I have been doing...
So after I left I made a serious and intense attempt to recover. Trashing all triggering things, getting rid of my scale, and eating some unsafe foods- no counting. It was all good for a few days... until I ended up binging 2 weekends in a row and stressing and going back to the same ol' restricting. It wasn't all in vain though, I still have no scale in my room and only count cals on scraps of paper instead of the labor intensive computer program I once had. Apparently the binging didn't do much though, as when I weighed on the gym scale I am now 107 lbs. I really really dont want to lose anymore. My bmi is now 18.5 which is still normal, but if I drop even 1 lb I will be in the underweight range.
Since Lauren's death I have been putting in a new effort. She will not die in vain. I have increased my cals from 1,200 to 1,400 and plan on continuing this trend. I just don't want to do it abruptly so I don't stress out and either restrict again or binge.
I have been training for a half marathon! As well as skating... and it's going very well. I'm excited that I am getting better at running distance!
Spring break is coming! I'm going to visit the bf at his college and I'm soooo excited. Looking forward to warmer weather and such. I plan on letting my break be carefree and ED free and I'm not stressing about the food. I almost feel like my weight loss has given me a buffer so I really can eat what ever I want on vacation in moderation and not feel guilty. There is more to life than this anyways. I want to live to the fullest. I want to take chances that Lauren no longer has.
<3 <3
UPDATED GOALS
Comments
In answer to your question on my journal... I didnt know Lauren personally but she was a friend on here and I had talked to her a few times... her death reay shocked me... I have never known anyone that has died from ED.
Im glad that you are making positive changes, she definately wont have died in vain as I think alot of people on here will be doing things like you.
Good luck for the half marathon!!
DancerJ
Sad to read your weight is down but glad you're turning it around. Sounds like you are exercising a LOT. Make sure to nourish yourself.
Glad to see you posting again and that you're back :)
sophie09
i'm glad that you decided to come back and try to recover. i know it can be triggering on here sometimes...but i think overall it helps more than it hurts. i hope you are eating enough though...you exercise so much!
Jbird15
Jamie, you are making a lot of good changes in your life which will benefit you in the long run. Take care and God bless you and keep you, amen.
Ziporah
i think if just one person can recover due to this tragedy lighting a fire under their butt to do so, i think that it would have served its purpose
missyS
yay! it's so good to see you on here again! glad to hear you're making positive changes. 1400 is still pretty low, if you don't want to lose more weight you should increase a bit more I think. I maintain on 1500 and that's sedentary, not training for a half marathon... I know your stats might be slightly different, but we're similar weight and you're probably taller than me (with probably heaps more muscle!) take care hun xoxo
naomi683