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freedomplease 
3:44pm, March 9, 2009
Guys, I am taking a break from DS.
I'm sorry, I love you all dearly but honestly I have come to realize I am more triggered by this site than anything. You all are very honest and loving, but just being on here keeps my focus on my ED and takes my focus off God and others. I have become very self centered and ED focused. I am losing everything. I am giving up EVERYTHING for nothing. Absolutely nothing. My relationship with God is weaker. My relationship with my boyfriend is strained. My parents are worried. My grades aren't as good. All for nothing. Absolutely nothing. So I am making changes. I want to grow in the Lord, I want to be close with my friends, I want to be with my boyfriend who I love dearly. I want these things more than I want to be the idea of "thin".
Me and Vin (the bf) had a long talk last night. He can see in my facebook pics I am losing a lot, though he wouldn't know the extent of it unless he saw me in person. He doesn't find that attractive. It's gross to him. He's worried for my health. He's mostly worried for my spiritual life. I am too.
So I am making changes. Not when I hit XXX weight. NOW. Before I lose everything.
1) I have deleted my "thinspo" off my computer.
2) I have deleted my chart of cals, weight, date and goals.
3) Now I have to get off this site for a while. I need to get my focus of ED
Now I must replace these ED activites with other things. I am going to first and foremost focus on getting right with God. I want him #1 priority in my life. I want to know him more. Secondly I am going to spend more time with my christian friends. And work harder in school.
I am trying to up my intake but when it comes to eating I plan on continuing counting (while getting to a healthy level) so I can learn how to eat enough with out binging. This aspect will take a while I know. But small steps. Basically I don't want my focus on food or weight.
I plan on checking in in a month or so. I would love you to keep me as a friend. I will be back from time to time, but no longer on a daily basis. I LOVE you guys and I'm praying for you.
But I'm Done. Done with ED. The cost is too high... and I'm broke and broken. And I'm looking to Jesus my Lord and Savior to give me everything I need now.
I'm sorry, I love you all dearly but honestly I have come to realize I am more triggered by this site than anything. You all are very honest and loving, but just being on here keeps my focus on my ED and takes my focus off God and others. I have become very self centered and ED focused. I am losing everything. I am giving up EVERYTHING for nothing. Absolutely nothing. My relationship with God is weaker. My relationship with my boyfriend is strained. My parents are worried. My grades aren't as good. All for nothing. Absolutely nothing. So I am making changes. I want to grow in the Lord, I want to be close with my friends, I want to be with my boyfriend who I love dearly. I want these things more than I want to be the idea of "thin".
Me and Vin (the bf) had a long talk last night. He can see in my facebook pics I am losing a lot, though he wouldn't know the extent of it unless he saw me in person. He doesn't find that attractive. It's gross to him. He's worried for my health. He's mostly worried for my spiritual life. I am too.
So I am making changes. Not when I hit XXX weight. NOW. Before I lose everything.
1) I have deleted my "thinspo" off my computer.
2) I have deleted my chart of cals, weight, date and goals.
3) Now I have to get off this site for a while. I need to get my focus of ED
Now I must replace these ED activites with other things. I am going to first and foremost focus on getting right with God. I want him #1 priority in my life. I want to know him more. Secondly I am going to spend more time with my christian friends. And work harder in school.
I am trying to up my intake but when it comes to eating I plan on continuing counting (while getting to a healthy level) so I can learn how to eat enough with out binging. This aspect will take a while I know. But small steps. Basically I don't want my focus on food or weight.
I plan on checking in in a month or so. I would love you to keep me as a friend. I will be back from time to time, but no longer on a daily basis. I LOVE you guys and I'm praying for you.
But I'm Done. Done with ED. The cost is too high... and I'm broke and broken. And I'm looking to Jesus my Lord and Savior to give me everything I need now.
Comments
good for you. Best of luck- I was worried about you, but I know you have a strong head on your shoulders- coming on here too much can fuel the obsession, so it may be a great idea to take a break. xoxo
aliw515
hope things work out for the best.
sophie09
i think that's a good idea, and a positive step that i too have been considering. i waste so much time and this site definitely is trigering for me as well. i wish you the best of luck hun! :)
Jbird15
I believe in you and like you, I had this revelation last night. I prayed to God for strength and I found it in focusing on other things. ED's are so selfish and this isn't what God wants us to focus on. When we focus on ourselves too much we are bound to be self destructive, we need to focus on the outward world, and see how we can help those around us instead of relying on others to help us. The best thing we can do is take care of ourselves so that we might be able to help others and we can do this by not idolizing ourselves--ED's idolize the body and this is NOT the way to go. We can beat this by not even focusing on it anymore. Much love to you, you've been there for me through my ups and my downs and I pray nothing but the best for you. I'll keep you in my prayers, I know you can one day get to that happy and healthy place. Remember always that you aren't alone and that even in the most terrible times God is with you and he will never forget you--so don't forget him. Love you girl
livetolove03
i dont think this site is making ur ED more apparent...i thnk hes alwys there DS or not.but u do what u thinkk is best for u...remember im always just a text away
missyS
I totally think this site is a trigger. A few weeks ago I said I might get off too. I think your boyfriend is good for you. Know it will be hard but you can do it. Stay strong and God bless you.
audgrl724
You're making some really wise choices which is awesome. I've taken breaks from this site in the past too coz it makes me focus on ED a lot. I come on here less now, more to check out a couple of journals, but stay away from the MSG boards... especially the diet one. Good luck on restoring your walk with God... draw near to Him & He will draw near to you... what an awesome promise! Plus... He restores our soul! He can take us to a place of complete freedom & restoration... we've got awesome things to look forward to!
Take care hun xoxo
naomi683
I'll miss reading your journals, but I know this is a good choice for you. I love your new goals and I'm proud of you for doing what's best for you. :)
Actress01
Thanks for all your support on DS. I hope everything works out for you.
polgttam
You have been a wonderful friend on DS with such lovely and sicere things to say. Whatever is the right path for you to heal whatever aspect of your life, I fully support you and wish you all the success and happiness. Take care!
ajv357