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freedomplease 
3:44pm, March 9, 2009
ugh, I don't feel like writing today, but I think I should.
Today I weighed. (every 4 days now.) And I'm officially 110 now. I remember when I was in female athlete triad when I got up to 110. Looking back at pictures of then I think I look skinny. But I don't look skinny now. I wonder why I looked so much thinner at the same weight.
Butttt I feel like I gained all the 18 lbs that I lost back today. I ate normally then found our my parents were taking me out for my birthday today. Though I ate a low cal meal (onion soup, salad no dressing) I had to do the whole birthday dessert thing. I split a brownie a la mode (with vanilla ice cream) with my mom. It was 1/2 a brownie (medium sized, so it wasnt too big) and about 1/2 cup of ice cream... maybe more. ughh I love that but I didnt even taste it really. I just kept thinking that this was about 500 calories. if not more. So today my calorie counter says I ate 1,600 cals. But I have no idea how accurate this is. It was my day off. No exercise, and I feel huge.
Now that I had sugar again (first time in like 45 days) I have that want more urge. But I will not binge. I can't. I have come way to far to fall again. Tomorrow I will eat healthy. Tomorrow I will exercise hard. I will eat lots of cleansing veggies and protien.
I'm gonna go, my stomach hurts. I feel like I ate a rock.
Comments
:( about your weight. I hope you start trying to get it up instead of continuing to restrict and lose. You ARE skinny now whether or not you can see it.
1,600 is still low for you I think. I'm glad you ate more today though even though you hadn't planned it.
sophie09
Yikes. This doesn't sound very good. 110 is low for you. You don't want to become sick and lose your period and all that jazz do you?
audgrl724
you look really skinny now, that photo you had up of you holding the camera in front of the mirror... you looked so skinny I couldn't believe it! I really think you should try gradually upping to your maintenance calories... & make sure you get a wide variety of foods like fruits, nuts, seeds, dairy & wholegrains - not only protein and veggies. good luck hun xoxo
PS you looked awesome in that photo where it said you weighed 122lbs, 110 or less is way too low
naomi683
alright...logical thinking time...u are an ATHLETE...u have amazing muscle tone...muscles burn more cals than fat...therefore u need more cals to maintain a weight than someone who sits around would...someone who is a non athelete is usually supposed to be eating 1800-2000 cals unless they are elderly or wheelchair bound...so think about it hun...yes u had a bit of sugar...no need to make it a ton of sugar by bingeing...THAT will leave more than a rock in ur stomach...that''ll leave a rock quarry!
missyS
Jamie, are you really reading the comments your journal attracts? Can you not see the warnings in each of the 4 previous comments? Before you ignore these comments or disregard them with a shrug realise that we all care and speaking for myself I am starting to dread reading your journals because you sound annorexic and out of control to me. Jamie, pull yourself right before you do yourself harm from which you may never recover. I am sorry if my comment makes you mad but I have to say it as I see it. Take care my young friend - Laraine xxx
Ziporah
you dont sound like you overate at all, in fact you underate. I think you overestimate calories too. Please dont lose any more weight, you will start to look ill
DancerJ