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freedomplease 
3:44pm, March 9, 2009
I'm going so well guys. With God's help I think I'm close to recovery! BUT in all honesty. I'm super scared of gaining weight. I am at a healthy but thin weight now. I don't want to gain any! I hope I don't. On the positive side I have not binged, restricted, counted calories of weighed myself in about a week. The thought of weighing myself makes me sick. I don't even want to know. I bet I am at 125. Thats my natural weight. The weight my body loves. I have to really work to get to 120. and really binge to get to 130. I hate what I look like. Yesterday my sister was talking about getting her belly button peirced. She wanted me to get mine done too. I said "No way, I don;t have a flat enough stomach to pull that off." She got angry with me. She said "You're the type of person who wants people to say- Nooo you're so skinny! And you think you're not so you make me feel bad about myself" I was like "No I don't want you to say that, I just think it's really hard to pull of the whole belly button peircing thing, and few people can do it. I'm not one of them. I don't care if you say I am- I still am not going to get it done. You are so much thinner than me anyways, so don't feel bad about yourself" She said "You have such a screwed up image of yourself. You are one of the skinniest people I know, and you don't even know it. You pretty much look like (insert name of our really skinny model friend with a perfect body here)" I didn't say anything. Honestly I'm not looking for compliments. I'm don't care what my sister thinks. But sometimes I wonder... do I really look different than what I see? Is that even possible? That would be amazing if I'm actually skinnier than what I see...
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Well, first and foremost, congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so proud of you for doing so awesome. Secondly, I do think we don't see what everyone else sees. My ex bf used to beg me to gain weight, because he thought I was too skinny, and my friends that didn't even know about my ED said... "Go eat something. Geez. You're making all of us feel bad." But I don't see myself as a thin person. It's one of ED's lies.
GiselleSylphide
I think it's very possible that you have a distorted perception of yourself. Lots of people with EDs do. It's unfortunate that we can't see what other people see at times.
Congratulations on resisting the binges! You are coming along so well with your goal. : )
Actress01
Good job; keep it up! I agree with Giselle and Actress, we definitely have different perceptions of ourselves than others around us. But, maybe to avoid situations like those, you could instead just say you don't want a piercing and not give a reason.
Keep it up : ]
polgttam
Yeah, I know what you mean about people thinking you just want to be told how skinny you are. Once my freind screamed at me across a crowded cafeteria until the whole place with 200 kids was silenced : "You wanna be told how skinny you are? Well, here: You look like a disgusting skeleton and it makes people absolutely SICK to look at you. Now sit down and eat your apple before you DROP DEAD." Charming, eh? I think people assume we want to make THEM feel bad about their bodies by being so super obsessed about dieting and weight, but it's simply not true.
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MermaidSinger
wow, a week free of ED symptoms is awesome! keep it up! I know that whole thing about seeing yourself differently... I still can't see myself as 'thin' - I just see all the things that I want to change. Its ED's distortion of things - sometimes other people's opinions are more accurate than our own.
naomi683
125 is a good thin weight. So is 130. If you want the piercing you should get it. I had always wanted one and when I had the chance when I was at a normal weight I didn't do it because I thought I needed to be thinner. Once I relapsed and got a flat belly I got the piercing but I never show it off because I'm too thin and it doesn't look good. I think you are probably perfect for one if you really want it.
skinnygirl2525
My dear this is what an ed is a definite distorted image of what you look like. YOu cant trust your own eyes. 130 pounds sounds like a very thin healthy body.. If you want a belly ring go for it.. and iam sure that you have a perfect belly you just don't see it.. and besides that there are many many girls who have a piercing in their belly and their bellies arent perfectly flat but it still looks good.
alexa21