iloverabbits's Journal

so last night i i got to go to the grocery store. that was good. our van failed inspection in early sept. so the last time i got to go ANYWHERE was on sept 9. then we had so much trouble getting the van fixed so it would pass. it finally got a temporary sticker. it failed on emissions but the guy gave us a temp sticker. anyway, we went to the grocery store. it went great and i didn't feel anxious at all.

then we got home and we had gotten invited to a party(when i say "we", i am referring to my boyfriend jeremy and i). i would have gone but jeremy wanted to drink and we would have had to get a ride home by vinny. getting rides from other people tends to make me anxious, especially when i have been stuck in my 600 sq foot house on the mt for 50 something days. so i said i wasn't going and jeremy went. then he never even came home and didn't even call! i couldn't believe. he came home this morning at 9 and looked like hell on earth. he got really drunk. but he never drinks and is always really considerate of me so i let it go. 

at 11, vinny came here insisting jeremy should go fishing. i said no b/c i haven't been able to do anything for months and i want to get out as much as possible to prepare for a huge baby shower i have to attend and (shiver) thanksgiving. thanksgiving makes me really nervous b/c we have to travel and hour and a half to get there. its jeremy's family and they do thanksgiving in a very formal way. we have to eat at the table and say what we're thankful for, one at a time. it even makes jeremy nervous! 

anyway, i told jeremy i did not want him fishing. every weekend is his weekend but for once, i wanted to be able to do something. i wanted to go somewhere and do something cheap but fun. so they insisted it wouldn't take long. they finally got back and it took them 4 hours! 4 hours to go and get stupid things at the store.

jeremy just interrupted me and apologized. i appreciate the apology but i'm still mad. hmmph! i don't ask for much at all. and believe me, i don't get it.

so another thing, jeremy's mom wants us to go down to newburyport and visit everyone. i would love to. it would be great exposure therapy BUT her dad was just very, very depressed for a couple months b/c he had an enlarged prostate. he had surgery on wed and is up and walking but not in the greatest shape. it would be so sad to see him. i don't wanna go. feeling sad makes me feel anxious that i may be becoming depressed. don't ask. i told jeremy and he said we won't go. but i don't wanna always avoid things. and i told jenn we would come but the she started telling me how steve isn't doing that good...ugh. what a day. i have a headache.

jeremy promised we would do something fun when he gets home. hopefully i can get out of my bad mood later. 

5:36 p.m.

uh oh. jeremy just got a letter in the mail saying he has to go to a hearing on dec 1 to determine whether his license will be suspended b/c he has so many points on his license...damn speeding. i have anxiety and don't even have a license.he supports both of us. if his license got suspended, we would be screwed. i'm not as frantic as i sound. just concerned. i wonder if he knew this was coming...he'll be home later from fishing. maybe he should take a defensive driving course to get rid of some of his points...maybe htat would show the court they shouldn't suspend his license.