Its almost been a year.
July 23, 2009 2:25pm
I think i've pretty well lost touch with everyone here on the site, its been almost a year, i've preety well lost touch with everyone and …
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susanX 
4:22pm, October 18, 2008
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About Me
susanX
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About Me
I'm morning the death of my mother, we were very close, i lost here to brain cancer and was her caregiver, i alone and now going throught the same tests for cancer and i am all alone in this, my older sister and i are not close and there is noone to help me. I've suffered from depression since i was 12 , been on every drug in the book, i am alone in this world, i'm very sick, and need to talk to people who are kind, i feel so alone , i've attempted suicide before and i think its a very scary place to be. I've just been diagnosed with Lupus, and in a whirl wind of confusion, any help would be greatly appreciated. I've suffered from chronic pain most my life, i've had Fybromyaiga for 10 yrs and Sjogrens symdrom and nnow Lupus, and in a great amount of pain and loss. "Death is not the greatest loss in life..its what dies inside us while we live". ======I just wanted to add this it is now November 21/ 07 and i've been writing since March 07, 2months ago i lost my father, at least he didn't suffer like my mother. 17yrs ago he had a masive brain anurism and had alot of mental imparment, and in the last 7yrs was very child like, so it was a different type of relationship, but there was no lack of love or admiration, and he will be greatly missed. I am very ill, and live alone and take care of myself, which is a struggle, and slowly lossing my independence , and that spirals me into depression.
I'm morning the death of my mother, we were very close, i lost here to brain cancer and was her caregiver, i alone and now going throught the same tests for cancer and i am all alone in this, my older sister and i are not close and there is noone to help me. I've suffered from depression since i was 12 , been on every drug in the book, i am alone in this world, i'm very sick, and need to talk to people who are kind, i feel so alone , i've attempted suicide before and i think its a very scary place
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Interests
I'm interested in art i used to paint , i also used to write , mostly poetry, but the drive just isn't there anymore. I love animals and have 3cats and they are all i have, the reason i get up every morning. I love music and the smell of lilac's. I've been searching for spirituality, finding alot in buddhiusm and the mantra's. Seeking out my spirit guide...anything to give me strength.
I'm interested in art i used to paint , i also used to write , mostly poetry, but the drive just isn't
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Journal
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Hugbook
Hug
Hi,thanks for the nice hug.I try to see humor in most things and like to joke around alot. Good friends help bring out the best in me too. Hope things get better for you & yours..Love & Peace,Missy
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Hug
so sorry for your loss.Hope you feel better and more comfortable soon.Love & Peace,Missy
Hug
Hi! It's been awhile since I've heard from you. I hope everything's ok. It will soon be time to smell those Lilacs! Write me sometime! I miss you! :) Cheryl
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Rainbow
Groundhog Day is almost here so lets spread some cheer and say some prayers Spring is almost here. I'm sending Rainbows with all those spring showers we are bound to see some and lots of flowers. Hugs
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Lupus
I was first diagnosed with Fybromyalgia, 5 yeas later it was Sjogrens syndrome which drys out all the mucus membrains in the body, a year later , they told me i had systemic Lupus. I have a long history of other illnesses, in 2004 i had a bacterial infection that shut off both kidneys , and had a fasiotimy leaving my left leg very damaged, along with my kidneys, and other complications.
Treatments
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionI've been suffering from depression for about 30 yrs and have been on many different meds and treatments, i don't know if the antidessents are working for me, i'm also physically ill. I'm wondering about other kinds of treatments?
Treatments
- Celexa Not Working
- Effexor Working / Worked
- Elavil Not Working
- Meditation Working / Worked
- Prozac Somewhat Helpful
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- it depends on the type and personality of the doctor.
- Seroquel Working / Worked
- Helped with suicidal thoughts
Open Fibromyalgia
When i was around 20yrs i started been tired and achy but back then they didn't call it fybromyalgia, they just passed me from doctor to doctor, they called it Epstien Barr disorder, then finally 10 yrs later i found a great doctor who finally diagnosed me with fybromyalgia,and i started getting some help.
Treatments
- Acupuncture Somewhat Helpful
- Effexor Somewhat Helpful
- That drug was more for my depression.
- Elavil Not Working
- Fentanyl Working / Worked
- Fine for a while, but lilke any drug, the body gets used to the dose and you need more, its was hard with them on my arm, and gave me a bad rash.
- Morphine Working / Worked
- It helps the pain , but has lots of side effects.
- Mobic Working / Worked
- Its a anti-inflamitory drug ,sometimes it helps.
Open Infertility
Type: Other Uterine IssuesI'm 43 now but when i was married and in my 20's we tried to concieve,it was my only goal in life,to have children. Both of us had problems, and nothing worked. Now divorced and without a family.
Treatments
- Artificial Insemination Not Working
- devistating,and husband had issures re anger.
- Clomid Not Working
- I grew very large cycts on my ovaries that had to be removed.
Open Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)
I was on a trip in Dominican rebublic and picked up 2 parisites and was serverly ill, and now have lots of problems with my bowel.
Treatments
- Avoid Certain Foods / Chemicals Somewhat Helpful
- The bouts between diareha and constipation have gotton worse with some of the meds for other problems.
- Colace Somewhat Helpful
- Psyllium Not Working
- Psyllium Not Working
- Lunesta Working / Worked
Open Self-Injury
i've been depressed since i was 12, i'm 43 now. I used to self cut or burn myself to ease the pain , i also have attempted suicide a few times in my life, its been a long struggle.
Treatments
Open Bereavement
Type: Loss of a ParentI lost my mother to a long battle of brain cancer, she was my best friend and i was her caregiver, and i feel like she took me with her.
Treatments
- Crying Somewhat Helpful
- Grief Counseling Working / Worked
- I joined a Berevment group and it was the best thing i could do, you realize your not so alone in your grief.
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- Talking is helpful, but often they put you on anti-depressants and it stops the feeling prosses.
- Writing Working / Worked
- I right letters to my mom and it helps just to write down your feelings to put them down so you can see them.
Open Sexual Abuse
When i was a child our usual babysitter couldn't come ,so she sent her older brother, and he abused me.
Treatments
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
Open Alopecia Areata
I was at the hairdresser about 5 yrs ago and she found a bald spot at the back of my head the size of a golfball, i freaked out and went to the doc, he sent me to a dermatoligyst who told me that i have alopecia.
Treatments
- Cortisone (Injection) Not Working
- It was a very painful injection in the bald spots and caused the inner layer of fat protecting the skull to disolve and it scared.
- Celexa Somewhat Helpful
- This i feel contained the spots from spreading, and helped the regrowth.
Open Eating Disorders
Type: BulimiaI became anorexic when i was 16, after a breakup with a boyfriend, that was like 30 yrs ago and it didn't have a name, and then once i started putting on weight i became Bulimic, i hid it from everyone. I'm 43 and still obsessed with my body, i don't do it anymore..but its always haunting me in the back of my head, if i eat too much.
Treatments
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- Back 30 yrs ago they didn't have a name for it, so there wasn't much help, my parents just made the family doc have weigh-ins.
- Self-help Working / Worked
- I moved out to go to college and was away from family stress , and that helped alot.
Open Sleep Apnea
Ive been alone for along time that knowone observed my breathing. I took the sleep test and found out that i stopped breathing 45 times an hour.
Treatments
- CPAP Working / Worked
- I have to were a full face mask because i have a blocked tear duct and can't recieve enough air, Mine is not from the throat, it is controlled by my brain.
Open Rape
It happened one night after i took my mom home after her radiation treatment,i went to a pub for a drink, a man put something in it , and said he would walk me home, he said he needed to use the washroom, i was all spinny, he forced me on the bed, and repeatedly raped me, i found 4 condoms the next morning, i just put it out of my mind because i had to take care of my mother.
Open Alcoholism
I started drinking at an early age,and it didn't catch up to me till in my late 20's i was going through a divorce and in alot of pain,and mixing drugs with it also just to numb myself, Pills and alchol took over my life after my mother died and it took me almost dying to giveit all up, i would drink and take meds forgot i took meds and many a time that led me to an overdose.
Treatments
- Cold Turkey Working / Worked
- I have some severe health issues and aalcohol would harm me, but i still abuse prescription drugs.
- Sleep Somewhat Helpful
- The doctors have yet put me on more pills to help me sleep...its ironic.
