RememberKala

Close Bereavement
Type: Loss of a Child

Kala Christine is my daughter. On Jan 2, 2007, three weeks before her 18th birthday, her body was killed in an automobile accident. I'm completely lost. Angry. Hurt. Empty. Kala is every mothers dream child. Honor student, friendly, honest, happy, courageous, sincere, giving, loving, PERFECT. Not typical, not ordinary,SPECIAL.

Treatments

Crying Working / Worked

Some days I cry all day. Some days it comes and goes. Some days...after months of endless crying...I do not cry. Crying is cleansing and necessary, but I'm finding smiling is just as cleansing and perhaps even more necessary.

Getting Angry Working / Worked

I think some of the best therapy and healing I've experienced has been out of anger. It sounds ridiculous, because so many mistakes are made out of anger. But when you're dealing with the passing of your child...you are angry...and allowing yourself to express that anger is very freeing, comforting, and healing. Anger works for me.

Grief Counseling Too Soon to Tell

The biggest help is talking about Kala. The more I tell others about her the more I realize just how much I have to be thankful for.

Helping Others Working / Worked

I could have NEVER imagined I'd help anyone. I came to DS in search of help for myself. I needed help, I needed comfort, I needed hope. How could I possibly help anyone else??? But, help I have. I've been told over and over that my sharing, my honesty, and yes, even my outbursts, have helped others. It's amazing really. And in helping others I have come to know a pride, a responsibility, a gift that I have. Helping others is probably the best thing we do for ourselves.

Prayer Somewhat Helpful

My initial prayers were not answered. I prayed daily for the safety of my children, thinking God could and would keep them safe. I prayed, begged for this news to not be so, for my child to be alive. I now realize that prayer can not change the situation. I am learning what prayer truly means and how to truly pray. It is different than what was taugh to me in church. God is different, prayer is different, and I am different.

Reading Working / Worked

I've learned so much as I've read numerous books on grieving and more importantly for me, communicating with my child.

Scrapbooking Working / Worked

I've begun scrapbooking. It is painful at times but very healing too. I enjoy the challenge of making every page as perfect as Kala is...even though I know they never can be.

Support from Friends & Family Somewhat Helpful

Ironically, it's family and friends who understand my grief the least. They love me and want "me" back. What they are unable to realize is that "I" am forever changed. Only another mother can understand that. Family and friends try, but honestly I spend more time and energy trying to make THEM comfortable than they do me.

Support Groups Working / Worked

Joining DS is the single greatest thing I've done for my healing process. The women on this site are incredible and keep me sane. Without DS I know fully I would not be here today.

Talking Working / Worked

I talk about Kala all the time. I tell everyone I can about her. Mostly they listen. And that is a therapy for me beyond all else. Someone caring enough to listen to me share my daughter.

Time Working / Worked

Time...oh how I hated people telling me that time would help. I couldn't believe it in the beginning. I could not imagine anything helping in the beginning. But I've discovered that time does heal. Time does not take away the love, the memories, or the pain. What time does is allow me to find my strength, my focus, my plan for my continuing journey. Time allows me to go through the necessary stages. Time does work.