Don't expect
October 27, 2009 7:21am
I wrote this over a year ago and thought I'd post it again. Perhaps someone will be helped....that's my …
Goal Completed on Apr 23, 09
RememberKala 
6:43am Yesterday
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About Me
RememberKala
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About Me
Life was incredible. Married to the man of my dreams. My kids healthy, happy, and so loved. Then, on Jan. 2, 2007, our world disappeared. An officer told us that my precious 17 year old daughter, Kala, had not survived an accident. How to go on?? How to survive this?? I couldn't find any answers. Then I found DS and wonderful moms who know this pain as well. My healing began. My sons healing is taking much longer to begin, and by much harder means. He turned to heroin to sedate his pain. I was blind to it all. He is currently in jail, awaiting transfer to prison, for stealing for heroin. Again my world turned upside down. How to help him?? What to do?? How to survive this?? I'm slowly accepting that this is his journey and only he can decide which road to walk. So, I must once again allow myself to live the blessed life I have with my husband and enjoy the gifts he brings into my life each day. His love, his truth, his spirit, his smile...all bless me. I must live my journey despite my heartaches. I must allow joy to be a part of my journey. It is.....
Life was incredible. Married to the man of my dreams. My kids healthy, happy, and so loved. Then, on Jan. 2, 2007, our world disappeared. An officer told us that my precious 17 year old daughter, Kala, had not survived an accident. How to go on?? How to survive this?? I couldn't find any answers. Then I found DS and wonderful moms who know this pain as well. My healing began. My sons healing is taking much longer to begin, and by much harder means. He turned to heroin to sedate his pain. I was blind
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Website
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Interests
My children, Brice, Torrey, and Kala. My husband, Roger. My best friend Tammy. My "moms" on DS. Nature. Puppies. LIFE.
My children, Brice, Torrey, and Kala. My husband, Roger. My best friend Tammy. My "moms" on DS. Nature.
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Recent Activity
Recently:
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24 hugs given, 21 journal comments, 16 hugs received, 4 journal posts, 2 photo uploads
Yesterday
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RememberKala gave BJsMom a hug 4:14pm
I STILL love you!!!!!…
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RememberKala gave Leosmommy a rainbow 4:11pm
Hey girl! Need the address to send bells for Leo's playground. Please let me know as soon as you can.…
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RememberKala gave davidjsmom flowers 4:07pm
Thinking of you and hoping these simple flowers can put a smile on your face, if only for a moment or…
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RememberKala and MaGeesmom are now friends 9:51am
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RememberKala gave nasgl5 a rainbow 9:02am
Hello and welcome. I'm sorry you need a group like ours, but glad you've found us. I encourage you to…
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Journal
This entry is private
This entry is private
This entry is private
This entry is private
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Hugbook
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I’m With You
Hi Teri,
I was just getting ready to get off the computer and i noticed i'd missed a comment you'd made about my journale post. I went back and read it and was so glad I did. I loved how you called our children's deaths just the "death of their bodies" That is a very good way to think of it, because I think most of us really do believe their spirits are all still very much alive. That is a nice thought to go to sleep with tonight. Thank you so much for sending it my way. Cherie -
Hug
Teri,
Hug hughughughug!
We will just have to keep talking! Much of what you just told me sounds familiar...I've ofter wondered if certain kinds of people become addicted, or if they become addicted much earlier than we realize and it turns them in to these people we don't recognize? Either way, it's heartbreaking to watch someone you love so much turn into someone you barely recognize. Don't lose hope!
Cherie -
Hug
it was nice to share Troy's memorial with you all. i needed to have it for me. many nice friends came. we just miss our children so much. it is so overwhelming. our lives are so diminished without our precious children. love to you, my friend
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Thanks
Thanks so much for your kind welcome. I read your profile and see that we have much to talk about. i will be sending you a private m essage. (probably lots of them--we have more in common than you can imagine.) Big hugs, Cherie
Gold Star
Right now we are both where God wants us to be; I left you a comment on your latest journal and NO, NO, NO you don't.......Will be praying for you to find a comfort zone - a place to feel happiness to distract your weary mind. I am so with you - Grab my hand, it's a bit sweaty right now, and ooops.......didn't have to cook tonight because Josh went out so I'm having frosted flakes with bananas - easy clean up - I need a napkin, looks like something squashed on my finger......love you. Strength - you have it Teri,
and everyone here is backing you up with unconditional love.
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Bereavement
Type: Loss of a ChildKala Christine is my daughter. On Jan 2, 2007, three weeks before her 18th birthday, her body was killed in an automobile accident. I'm completely lost. Angry. Hurt. Empty. Kala is every mothers dream child. Honor student, friendly, honest, happy, courageous, sincere, giving, loving, PERFECT. Not typical, not ordinary,SPECIAL.
Treatments
- Crying Working / Worked
- Some days I cry all day. Some days it comes and goes. Some days...after months of endless crying...I do not cry. Crying is cleansing and necessary, but I'm finding smiling is just as cleansing and perhaps even more necessary.
- Getting Angry Working / Worked
- I think some of the best therapy and healing I've experienced has been out of anger. It sounds ridiculous, because so many mistakes are made out of anger. But when you're dealing with the passing of your child...you are angry...and allowing yourself to express that anger is very freeing, comforting, and healing. Anger works for me.
- Grief Counseling Too Soon to Tell
- The biggest help is talking about Kala. The more I tell others about her the more I realize just how much I have to be thankful for.
- Helping Others Working / Worked
- I could have NEVER imagined I'd help anyone. I came to DS in search of help for myself. I needed help, I needed comfort, I needed hope. How could I possibly help anyone else??? But, help I have. I've been told over and over that my sharing, my honesty, and yes, even my outbursts, have helped others. It's amazing really. And in helping others I have come to know a pride, a responsibility, a gift that I have. Helping others is probably the best thing we do for ourselves.
- Prayer Somewhat Helpful
- My initial prayers were not answered. I prayed daily for the safety of my children, thinking God could and would keep them safe. I prayed, begged for this news to not be so, for my child to be alive. I now realize that prayer can not change the situation. I am learning what prayer truly means and how to truly pray. It is different than what was taugh to me in church. God is different, prayer is different, and I am different.
- Reading Working / Worked
- I've learned so much as I've read numerous books on grieving and more importantly for me, communicating with my child.
- Scrapbooking Working / Worked
- I've begun scrapbooking. It is painful at times but very healing too. I enjoy the challenge of making every page as perfect as Kala is...even though I know they never can be.
- Support from Friends & Family Somewhat Helpful
- Ironically, it's family and friends who understand my grief the least. They love me and want "me" back. What they are unable to realize is that "I" am forever changed. Only another mother can understand that. Family and friends try, but honestly I spend more time and energy trying to make THEM comfortable than they do me.
- Support Groups Working / Worked
- Joining DS is the single greatest thing I've done for my healing process. The women on this site are incredible and keep me sane. Without DS I know fully I would not be here today.
- Talking Working / Worked
- I talk about Kala all the time. I tell everyone I can about her. Mostly they listen. And that is a therapy for me beyond all else. Someone caring enough to listen to me share my daughter.
- Time Working / Worked
- Time...oh how I hated people telling me that time would help. I couldn't believe it in the beginning. I could not imagine anything helping in the beginning. But I've discovered that time does heal. Time does not take away the love, the memories, or the pain. What time does is allow me to find my strength, my focus, my plan for my continuing journey. Time allows me to go through the necessary stages. Time does work.
