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  From SST November 6

  To make it stand, You wet it!
  
  To make it wet, You suck it!
  
  To make it stiff, You lick it!
  
  To get it in, You push it!
  
  Damn !!!!!!!
  
  Threading a needle when you're older is a BITCH!

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  From SST September 19

  Afternoon Sex
  
  The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quickie' with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
  
  He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
  
  - 'There's a car being towed from the parking lot,' he shouted.
  
  - 'An ambulance just drove by!'
  
  - 'Looks like the Andersons have company,' he called out.
  
  - 'Matt's riding a new bike!'
  
  - 'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'
  
  - 'Jason is on his skate board!'
  
  - After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are screwing!!'
  
  Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called out, 'How do you know they're screwing?'
  
  'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle.'

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  From SST June 18

  A little known fact.....
  
  
  The first testicular guard "Cup" was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.
  
  It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important.

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  From SST January 31

  A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Cabela's associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says,'Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?' He says, 'Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.' She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, 'That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around combination; and it's on sale this week for only $20.00.' She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!' As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. 'Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,' he says. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who farted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. The man rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $34.50 please.' The woman is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?' He replies, 'Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50.'

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  From SST January 9

  Never take someone for granted Hold every person close to your heart Because you might wake up one day And realize that you've lost a diamond While you were too busy collecting stones

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