GinaBanina's Journal

i'm 18 and my 21 year old sister is mildy mentally challenged. its just always been so hard for me to be the younger sister but always have to play the role of the older sister. i've spent my entire life succeeding- in school, sports, frienships, love... as perfect as it may sound, its been just awful. i spend so much time feeling guilty, deperately wishing that she could out-do me just once. i've been away at college all year and i've felt just awful leaving her behind. she has the tendency to be socially awkward and doesn't get out much unless i initiate plans with our "mutual" friends. since i've been home for the summer, i've had a really hard time dealing with her... seeing her, listening her say all the things that make me feel so angry and so sad at the same time. i'm just trying to accept the fact that this is the way she is. i'm trying so hard to forget my hopes that someday things will be different with her, because they won't. i love her, i really do, but sometimes i find that loving her just hurts way too much. i'm not really looking for any answers because there really aren't any. just some support would be nice.

i'm really trying to have a better, more positive outlook on life. slowly but surely, its working. i hope everyone out there finally finds all that they are looking for.