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Journal Entry for August 16, 2008 Mood
Saturday, August 16, 2008

tonight i had the biggest binge i have had for a long time. lots of artificial food too. thats it iv had enough. i am sick of being controlled by food and how fat and ugly i feel all the time. i couldve gone out tonight and i shouldve but i didnt cos once again i ate waaaay too much, (and still am). so instead of enjoying myself in town with my friends i am, sitting here once again stuffing myself to oblivion and nausea and hating myself for it. i could feel it coming where i would finally have enough and tonight is it. if i didnt eat so much then i couldve gone out. but i thought fuck it, its late and noone wants to do anything, ill just binge. then my friend called and said she was heading out and i want to go too. but i binged.

thats what i mean when i say food is holding me back. i want to be able to what i want when i want and feel good. be ready for anything.

 so fuck this. no more. i dont recognise myself anymore.

iv gained so much weight and bingeing is making me a nasty person. for the past four days i binged and have had constant tummy pains and im so bloated. really heavy and i just dont feel like me anymore.... we have to beat this, i have to beat this

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Comments

  1. livetolove03

    I'm so so sorry... I know how you feel about bingeing making you somewhat anti-social. I'd hate when I had something planned and then I'd binge and feel fat and gross and just avoided my friend's... always "sick, too tired" to go out. I couldn't fight it on my own and I had to head home... it sucks. This ED is horrible on your body and self esteem. Keep with it though girl, try to stay positive... we gotta kick this to the curb, it's taking over our lives!


    livetolove03

  2. freedomplease

    Aw I'm so sorry, keep pushing, keep fighting. You can do it! I'm praying for you.


    freedomplease

  3. ClaireMac

    we can do this! i'm at where you're at right now and it friggin sucks. but let's keep battling together and make it through.xo


    ClaireMac

  4. Soph827

    YOU WILL BEAT THIS!!!!!!!!! i am beating it finally and i thought i never would! you can too


    Soph827

  5. naomi683

    you can beat this! just take it one day at a time. I'm rewarding myself (non food rewards mainly) for binge free days - gives me something to work towards. good luck xx


    naomi683

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