bonito's Journal

forget to write before, but it feels like my mind and body cant take anymore and wants to move on, i can feel its time for change (another words i dont need to or want to binge anymore) yet i just cant stop, like someone else is in control wen it comes down to it. so frustrating!! i can feel now that i am strong enough to move on and i really honestly do not want to use food like that anymore (iv never felt that before) but why do i keep doing it then!??

i am so close to just saying fuck u to food and food diary and plans, and jusat eating what i want (which is usually healthy food anyway) when i am hungry and thats it! start focusing on ohtewr things. i think i need to go out more, clubs and also see my frineds and other places like art class and dance class and the gym (wanted to do this for ages!)

im just sick of putting myself down and feeling like shit all the time. always comparing.... and being stuck in this cycle. im sick of caring bout food so much, my life revovling sround foodfoodfood!! all ive been doing the past couple months is fucking eating, working, coming home, eating/bingeing and hating myself. cant live like this anymore, every day is the same as the last

ok, now im done!