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  squEARL (10/27/08)

  Hey Brian: I read your journal entry and I am sorry to hear you aren't getting the treatment you deserve. I think it is another example of the stigma associated with HIV and AIDS. It's like they no longer think we are human and that our suffering is ilegitimized because we are poor, black or gay. I know exactly what you mean about missing your doctors in Seattle. I do too. My numbers have been disappointing. My CD 4 count did nothing since it was last measured three months ago. I have been on Atripla for 4 months, now. My viral load increased 17-fold. My doctor added Issentress (raltegravir) to my regemin in the hopes it will get my CD4 count up. It's still only 150. I just got out of the ER and had an abcess drained from my face. They think it's MRSA, but won't know until the culture comes back. I go back tomorrow to have it redrained and repacked. They may give me more Vanco when I'm there. I'm still unemployed and fighting it with the state of WA. They have determined that I left the Cuff due to illness (they confirmed that with Puppy). Now, they want a note from my present IDD that I am able to work without restriction. I think that's pretty obvious, considering I've been doing temp drywall jobs over the past few weeks. I'm tired of doing everything I'm supposed to do and over-and-above, for that matter. I'm to the point that I am letting my student loans default and I refuse to pay income tax any more. I claiming Exempt from now on and I will never file taxes again. I feel I am owed too much and as far as I'm concerned, it's time to collect. I REALLY HATE THIS FUCKING COUNTRY! If I didn't think David would kill me, I'd become an escort. I hope you are able to get your pain under control (I wish I had any advice). Will your insurance cover acupuncture? Are you with Basic or the ADAP? Does VA have an HIV/AIDS activist/ombudsmun? I know this much: If you were wealthy, this wouldn't be an issue. It seems there are doctors lined up at the rich and famous's doors, prescribing pain pills. If you don't believe that, I have two words: CINDY MCCAIN. Now, that's one pill-poppin stepford-wife, fembot, bitch, if I ever saw one. Hang in there. I'm going to take my pain medicine and going to sleep. David is taking me to get my face cut on again tomorrow. earl
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  squEARL (09/07/08)

  Hi Brain: Got your message. Thanks. Going to the beach, today (kind of a date, I guess...). I basically just found out that not only am I pos, but that I have AIDS. I spent half of April and all of May in the hospital (In Everett) with PCP, crypto, and MAC. I was working PT at the Cuff, when all of this happened. It really threw me because I have been celibate for the past 4 years after getting Hep B (which, I cleared). I wrongly assumed that I had been tested for HIV when all of that happened with the Hep B. It is usually standard because you ARE typically coinfected with both. Treating Hep B when you have HIV can also be dangerous and is why I assumed they had tested me. Anyway, the Hep B was my wake-up call and is why I swore off all sex/drugs. Here, all along, I thought I made it through without being infected. The whole time, I had it and didn't know it. I pretty much know how and when I got (whent he Hep B thing happened) because I was into some pretty self-destructive behaviour that involved depression, meth and sex. Anyway, a long story, short...Almost dying in Seattle, alone, taught me that I have taken a lot for granted, in life. I am here in Panama City getting my health back while being with my family. It seems to be working. My medication seems to be working. It was hard for my mom to get to Seattle being so far away. My dad is not in good health such that he can even travel. It is hard having him be by himself when my mom has to come to Seattle. So, it made more sense for me to put my house on the market (yes, it is still on the market, too) and come here. Eventually, I plan to move to Kansas City to be with my little girl, again. She is 8. Anyway, me in a nut shell...earl
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  Venus7 (05/28/08)

  Hello,I've been diagnosed for a long time too.I've been on lot's of meds also.If you need someone to talk to I'm here.