Ozarksgirl's Journal

How is it that you can feel so alone when your not technically alone.  Everyone around me seems to be so happy.  Either they are running around with all their energy that I wish I had or they are getting married and have found this person to love.  I'm alone.  My ex has recently talked about how he regreted not marrying me and missed me.  A few days later I recieve an email from his apparent girlfriend.  He once again lied but it felt worse than that... I feel like not only did he lie he needed more like I wasn't enough.  Then this other guy I was seeing has backed off...he said he was burnt out of me and my sickness.  He really sat there and told me he was tired of me.  Now I have no one.  I know that this is for the best because they are both toxic to me but part of me just feels like I need someone even if they are bad for me.  Maybe thats the daddy issues popping up on me again.  There is no big surprise that growing up with an angry abusise alcoholic would skew my perception on what is acceptable.  I've really never had a man in my life that didn't hurt me.  I'm 24 now and everyone around me is getting married and starting families and i'm just back to square one.  I just wish I had someone because i'm going through something so horrible being sick and I have no one to turn to.