Ozarksgirl's Journal

I am angry.  Such a shame too because it started out being such a lovely day.  It all started last week.  My ex-fiance was home on leave (Navy) and had planned on coming to see me.  We have remained friends and we always see each other when he's home.  I had been "seeing" someone but I have grown tired of his games so it was going down hill fast.  As soon as he heard my ex was coming all of a sudden I "Mean the world to him."  Uh huh.... that's a joke.  We work together and my co-workers think he is dating my little sister because he flirts with her and they take lunches together.  He has never told his family about me or his close friends.  But all of a sudden I mean the world to him and i'm the most important thing in his life.  So my ex starts acting shady (no big surprise there).  Before he flew in he was talking to me every day and had even sent texts saying he loved me.  But.... he didn't see me while he was in.  This is the first time he has been on leave that he hasn't stayed with me.  It is probably a blessing...yea it was a blessing he didn't, always makes things more painful. 

So once the other guy realizes the ex is a no-show he pretty much goes back to his old ways.  Not long after I caught a virus and seeing that I have an autoimmune disease thingy naturally my immune system kicked my ass instead of the virus.  Oh it was horrid.  Well...while i'm down for the count I don't hear anything from both of them.  The co-worker/man friend was apparently walking some girl to her car and talking to her everyday I was gone from work and he stopped texting me.  So I spent 5 days in bed with bad tv and barely anyone to talk to.  When I asked about the girl he said I was crazy....uh huh if it was nothing I wouldn't be crazy.  So today i'm back at work and he starts his texting.  He is in a bad mood...he is feeling sorry for himself and wants me to send him texts to shower him with attention so he can feel better.  Screw that.  If i'm stuck in bed in horrible pain and he can't even ask if i'm feeling ok, why would i go out of my way to make him feel better.  He has nothing to be depressed about he is just a drama queen.

He makes me so angry I just want to scream.  I can't understand why someone who is so rude to me, so insensitive about my illness, and a self-proclaimed cheater would expect me to drop everything to worship the ground he walks on.  I'd rather die alone as the crazy cat/lizard lady.  I would like to have a man in my life but I don't need one.  Especially two like these losers who have no compassion or manners.  Sometimes i just want to shake them and tell them to get over whatever crap they are feeling sorry for themselves about because it could be worse.  They could be sick.  They could be fighting like hell to keep their lives together.  I'd kill to have to worry about things so trivial.  I wish they could understand what its like to be sick.  I think if they could relate to me then these stupid little things wouldn't matter.  I'm so done.  Ugh stupid boys.