I have only been here a few days …
I have only been here a few days and already received so much love and care. It helps make my heart sing. This in turn …
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Ozarksgirl 
9:10pm, July 8, 2009
So... lately i've been really cranky and emotional which I know is largely due to the pain and prednisone. Everyone and everything has made me pretty dang angry. First of all...the roommate. A few months ago my best friends little sister moved in with me... my best friend passed away 3 years ago (Now her family sees me as one of their own which is good but in some aspects bad). I do love her and I do feel blessed to know that they care about me and consider me family. Since she has moved in I've had this responsibility of being the "big sis" and I feel like I should have to look after her. To top that off she has a pretty strong personality and sometimes we clash. I know she doens't mean it and some things that annoy me I don't think it even registers to her that i'm upset.
For example... being 23 and crippled with RA doesn't necessarily make me want to go out and find a man. So yea i've been living a pretty lonely existence. A while back I started talking to a guy at work and we got really close. About the same time she started calling him and texting him. She would ask him to fix her car or help with other stuff. We all three work together so I know its impossible for us not to all see each other or talk. Well today she calls me and says that he was being so sweet and texted her asking if she wanted to come over and bake cookies with him. What the hell. Why on Earth would he invite her and not me and why would she brag about it. He's dumb. He had his chance with me and he blew it.... he even admitted that he was falling for me but he was scared. I guess I should probably mention that he has a girlfriend of 5 years and for some reason I believed him when he said he was unhappy and was in the process of ending it. Stupid boys.
So then there is my ex-fiance. We've been together off and on for 7 years. He's in the military so we had some problems basically the frustration of never seeing each other. Then he had a drinking problem which being an adult child of an alcoholic didn't sit to well with me. He went to rehab and is says he's clean now. He's also an attention whore so there has always been the fights because of other women. I do love him and he's been one of my best friends. He is very supportive and really understands what i'm going through because his dad has RA. Some days he'll write me and they will be all lovey and sweet then the next letter will be all straight forward and won't write the "I love and miss you's". I might just be over analyzing it because i'm a spaz.
I'm just so dang lonely. I want to have someone in my life. Not really to take care of me but just to have some sort of emotional support or something to look forward to. I have to deal with so much alone now that i'm sick. No one understands what its like to have this so its like your fighting this silent battle. I went from being cheerleading captain, homecoming queen, and sorority girl to a disabled hermit.... i'm not really adjusting so well. So here I ranting...rant rant rant. Oh and work sucks... I hate my job. You would think being a petcare specialist would be great and all until you work in a hell hold where you are under paid and under appreciated. Not to mention i have a hellish boss that likes to make snide comments about how I "don't look sick" or that I should take an alieve and stop complaining.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... ok I feel better now
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hun, let me start by saying sorry for your pain and your worries just want to let you know that iam here to talk when you need me so just drop me a message. sending hugs your way and prayers that the pain is less .
smlngclds
Rant away! If it makes you feel better, get it all out. There will always be crap to wade through. It is what people used to refer to as character builders. Its that "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger" philosophy. You are going to be (probably already are) one tough mama!
saavik
Rant away - we can take it because we have all been there. I agree with saavik - get it out; you'll feel better if you do.
We have a chronic, sucky disease that we have to deal with daily. You are right, people don't understand. I often get strange looks when I come out of the handicapped stall in the bathroom because I don't look disabled (yes, I do need the handrails to get up some days). I'm thinking about getting a handicapped plate but have not done it because of the bias against health issues in my profession. There are some days I would kill for one!
I'm sorry that you are in pain and that you have so many worries. Right now, you need to be your main focus, not your best friend's little sister. If she knew you were at all interested in the guy, then she stepped way over the friendship line. Many years ago, I had boyfriend and discovered he was dating and sleeping with my best friend. I dropped both of them.
The first thing you need to remind yourself is that you are worth of respect. Yes, you may have problems doing some things and you may be in pain at times, but you are a person and a worthwhile person. I'm sorry that your boss is a toad, maybe he needs a copy of materials about the accommodations employers need to make for employees with issues like RA.
I hope this week goes better for you. Again, feel free to rant because this is a very safe place to do it.
Many hugs,
Lynne
lycesq