jsreichard's Journal

I am so mad at myself right now and could just cry. My dear darling husband gave me his last $20 bill today so I could go out and eat lunch with a friend. I really didn't need that much but as he kissed me to go to work he said just in case you want it for something else. ( now I am crying as i write this) He still had a few ones in his pocket he said to get soda at work. I am not saying this part for pity, so please don't take it that way, just saying so you can understand why I am so upset. When I say it was his last $20 I mean it was the last we had. Not in his pocket, the last. We have no credit cards to charge things or anything like that we live on his $300 a week with our 3 kids. So for him to give me his last $20 so i could have a little enjoyment means everything to me. Anyway, i wasn't feeling well this morning when he left for work at around 4:30. I had bad reflux and was sitting in my recliner eating tums and a yogurt to try and coat my stomach and the burning and the nasty taste. He came over kissed me and gave me the 20. Ithanked him and he told me to have a nice day. I folded the 20 and laid it on the stand beside me. I finished my yogurt, felt better and decided to lay back down until I had to get my kids up at 7. I woke up and called my kids and got some clothes out of a laundry basket of stuff i had washed yesterday and my littlest who is 6 came in my room. I asked her if her sister and brother were up. She said no. I told her to pee and then go wake them up. That I would meet her in the living room to help her get dressed. I heard the front door open and then close. During the summer my son's friend had a girl and boy cousins of his move in with them because theri mother could not care for them. The boy is 17 and the girl 13. The boy has since moved in with someone else. The girl is still there. She befriended my 11 year old daughter. I allowed My son's friend, A, to come in and out of the house with just a knock. because of my knee injury and my loud mouth Jug who barks crazy when someone knocks it is easier. Well, the girl, H, started to come in too. I was ok with it. When school started she started coming over in the mornings to walk with my girls to the bus stop. Again, fine. She has had a very troubling childhood and I wanted to befriend her and be a soft place for her if she needed it. I found out a few weeks ago she is sexually active, very active. It may not have been my place, but I tried to tell her about waiting and that she is special and worth it. I don't know if it helped, but..... I let her babysit my girls and paid her, even though I was only gone for a little while and my Mom was right next door and my oldest girl is almost 12. My parenst recently remodled their kitchen. My son helped, they paid him. They had my daughter help and they paid her. i daughter had a $20 in a T-shirt pocket. She went over to H's house after school one day and H gave her a tank top to change into, my daughter left her shirt, with her money in it over at H's. When she went back for the shirt the money was gone. I thought maybe my daughter lost it. I didn't want to think H had taken it. Later A came over and my daughter mentioned it to him and he said H was known for that. I let it go, again I didn't want to believe it and I had no proof. Now today H comes in the house, I am in my room. I come out, sit in my chair and talk with H while I help my youngest get dressed. H even calls me MOM. I lok over on the stand and the money is gone. I am frantic. I ask if anyone has seen it. Before I get the whole sentence out she blurts out, I didn't take it. I look and look and can't find it. She says maybe the cat knocked it down, ok, I keep looking, But the thing is I had a pile of crochet hooks under the money and my empty yogurt cup was sitting there with the spoon in it. I was too lazy and tired to throw it away. If the cat had jumped up there this stuff too would have been knocked over. I know she took it. I then said if anyone took it, please give it back, i used the excuse it was to pay a bill thinking maybe the guilt would get her. Nothing, except she jumped up and headed for the door saying the bus was coming. i wanted to ask her to turn her pockets inside out, but I just can't believe that she would steal, in my house, after how nice I have been to her. How stupid am I. I left that money right there, in the open. I have looked and looked, I can not find it. I know she took it, but a part of me wants it to be laying there and I just over looked it somehow. Now I will have to tell her Aunt and Uncle and I am dreading doing it. I don't know them well, actually wouldn't know them if I fell over them. Their son is so nice though. A has mowed my lawn and helped my husband and son move things around and he has eaten with us and spent the night with us. I have given him earrings for his girlfriend I made and bought him soda he likes just to say thanks. He is a good boy. I don't want this to ruin what my son and A have together. Will his parents even believe me. I need advice, what do I do. Tell, not tell, trust H and believer her, don't trust H and forbid her to come in my home anymore. Help!