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EvansMom 
Monday brought a letter from the insurance company saying, regret to inform you - blah blah blah - and your request for CyberKnife surgery has been rejected. I felt like they had just put an end to my life - I will not do chemo any more - period. Tuesday, I called the doctor's office to tell them to cancel it all since it's not in our budget to pay the God-only-knows price tag that all this will cost.
Not to worry, says his PA. Stop crying, it's okay. We have already filed an appeal with them and even if it doesn't get approved, we will still treat you! I can't afford it, I wail, in between tears. You don't have to, she says. All you have to do is settle down and show up for your appointments on time.
What the hell is this??? I do not understand. (Camille, this is not to be mentioned under any circumstances at work, okay?) I still think maybe I am part of the guinea pig pool but, even if that's so, it's fine with me. As long as it buys me more time, it's really just fine...
Anyway, tomorrow I get my gold seeds implanted. The following week, I get a body mold made and go for a CT that is in 1mm layers instead of the usual ones that are 5mm or 10mm layers. (Oh, yippee...) Monday, the 29th, the game begins: five consecutive days for 2 hours a day lying quietly while the machine delivers more radiation in that week than I got in 8 weeks the last time. My nerves are beginning to come completely apart. I am ready to admit it: I am well and truly scared...
If you don't hear from me for the next few weeks, count your lucky stars! I promise that if there are any problems at all, Teri will post it on FMO.
I love you guys!!!
Comments
You are a brave and wonderful woman. I'm sure there are many times that you would just like to sit down and quit, to not have to have been dealt all of this to handle. I pray for only the best for you and for strength and peace. It is so obvious that you have touched so many lives and there are so many people who love you and want you to stay here with us. Holding you tight and sending all the strength I can...love...Lynn
l8gra
Love you bunches, I agree with Lynn...you are brave and wonderful. You are a fighter and you will win this war. Look at how far you have come already. I'm not so sure I could have even gotten started. Sending you all the strength I can muster up and then some. YOU CAN DO THIS.....BIG CANADIAN BEAR HUGS
TracyW
Who you gonna calll?!!! CootieBusters!
Keeping fingers, toes and anything else crossed!
Love
Ann
AnnM
Love you Too!!! Hope everything goes well.
jrjm3050
I am so glad that they are going to treat you.. that is great news.. please know that I am thinking of you and sending you tons of love and support.. you are my hero..
munrogirl
Barbara thank goodness that there are still doctors in the world that will insure that you get treated whether insurance will pay for it or not...for whatever reason...guinea pig or not. I hope that it goes well and I can't imagine how you feel...so know how many people love you and are thinking of you each day. Love to you and prayers for strength and continued endurance...Karen
biowoman
Prayer is a powerful tool. There are thousands of people praying for you everyday...You are a true inspiration, and a hero to all of us. Love to you always, Pat
tomtom
You're in my thoughts and prayers. Love, Dawn
krausehouse
You are a hero. I am thinking of you and praying for you during this very difficult health issue. I have no idea of how you feel or what you are going through. I just read what you write and I know you are a fighter. Love to you, Belinda
BinkyH
Oh Barbara .... reading your journal sent goosebumps all over me.
I am truly in awe, and am speechless !
So happy you have some wonderful doctors and staff taking care of you.
I'm praying for you ... you are on my mind constantly. Love, Kelly
misshim
Not a word . Do not worry it will get approved be strong. I am sorry you have to deal with this stuff. Love you
MartinsMom
Barbara, please take care of yourself and my thoughts and prayers are with you daily my friend. Much love. Robin
Robin4
Barbara relax and let the power of God deal with it, you know he can. It's all right to be scared, I know I was and still am at times. Just relax and think of your 2 hours as a time to have a short nap, to think about the rest of your life, and to remember we have plans. Love you and will be with you in thought and prayer. Love and hugs Cathy
RockstarsMom
Sending love your way. I understand the fight and we are all fighting with you, you are not alone.
I LOVE YOU...SHAWN
sthornton5
my sweet Barb, please understand that these hopitals, Dr,s, and billing staff are very well aware of, and way ahead of time, how to deal with Ins. company and how to work it. Dr's usually get what they need to treat patients. They know this is new and the hassels the ins. companies will impose. The hosptial has a plan in place to deal with that. Its very political, we don't understand why, but it is. Like they said, your job is to show up. They are taking care of everything for you, and most of all, they are going to take the best care of you! Love and smooches honey, I love you!
If you are being used as some sort of CybeKnife study, there are papers you have to sign.
4meg
Barbara,
I so very much feel for you. I personally have had it with freaking insurance companies. Not that my situation is even close to yours but my doc won't do a knee replacement cause it is to soon . Here I am, can not get a real job ( I am an RN) cause I can't freaking walk and she says it is to soon. I have a shredded meniscus, I am bone on bone, I have inflammation of the bone and soft tissue and the bitch says I am " not ready" to have the procedure. She also denied a handicap placard for me cause my OA is not severe enough. The bitch is about 30 some years old and is clueless...
Sorry for my rant. Like I said my situation does not even come close to yours ...when you said the insurance company denied you , it just got me going...
I pray that you have enough stregth to fight this fight. Hugs, Inga
ihart