Join Now
dallasheather 
1:13am, April 16, 2009
Four days after I had been told that things were finally settled and it was safe to return to Houston after the hurricane, I found out that my job was changing from Fulltime to Seasonal (with the "season" being over). We took about a week and a half to try to figure out what to do and to get things packed up... Ultimately I decided that if I had to be jobhunting again, I'd rather do it in Dallas where I have family around to help out more. So we packed up as much as we could fit in our car and the little trailer I rented, and what wouldnt fit got thrown out. (Survival of the neediest ~ LOL)
We've been back about a month now. My aunt offered us my Grandparents house (since both my Grandmother and my Mom, who had been living here for a kajillion years, both passed away this summer). It was a really nice offer, but its really strange still being surrounded by so many of their things. My grandparents have lived in this house since 1978! And my mom had lived here with them for about the last 12-15yrs or so. So I made it a point to move absolutely everything to a different spot so that it didnt look exactly the same as if they would walk right thru the door at any minute ~ plus added a few of my own things to the decor around the house to make it more familiar. (Those were probably the best things I could have done too to keep it from being so gloomy!)
Anyway, that brings me to my current problem... (and I would really like some advice or pointers if anyone has gone thru this before): HOW DO YOU JOBHUNT AS A SINGLE PARENT WHEN YOU DONT HAVE A GO-TO BABYSITTER?? My Mom and/or my Aunt were my go-to babysitters when I had to jobhunt last summer... but now Mom's gone and my Aunt works fulltime now (got tired of being retired). There is a drop-off center that is awesome for being able to go to the movies or go get my hair cut, etc.... but to pay $15/hr for each and every interview??! That just adds a whole new dimension to jobhunting that I had never experienced before! HOW DO YOU MAKE THE *RIGHT* CHOICES FOR INTERVIEWS WHEN YOU'RE TAKING INTO CONSIDERATION THAT YOU HAVE TO *PAY* TO GO TO EACH OF THEM??! The reality is that each interview I accept will cost no less than $15 for the drop-off daycare center, and could be more like $60 if its a long interview and/or if I have to drive very far. ~ A little perspective: last year it took 5mos (exactly the national average) to find a job, which amounted to about 1-4 interviews per week, totalling somewhere around 75 interviews, before I found what I thought was the right job.
Do I try to change the type of jobs I'm looking for? Do I stop looking for HR and/or Admin jobs to look for something that doesnt require a lengthly interview process (like retail or restaurants) or what?? The stress and worrying over this is actually preventing me from even trying (which will only make the jobhunting process longer, I'm sure). Why cant we just tell our potential employers "I'm a hard worker, I'm dedicated, I'm a quick learner... just give me a chance!"??
I'm open to any advice or suggestions.... Hope to hear from some of you!
~heather
Had to go back to Dallas a couple weeks ago after getting the news that my Grandmother had just passed away. Have not felt up to getting on here and talking about it to anyone until now. While she was elderly and not at all in good health, it was still a big blow to our family because of how close it was to Mom's passing. (My dad and his mom, my Mema, passed away only 5wks apart back in 2001... now my mom and her mom, my Grandmother, passed away only 10wks apart!)
I'm having a really hard time coping with the concept of having NONE of them around anymore... No parents OR grandparents to talk to or get advice from or hear stories about how my son is just like so-and-so... I found a group on here after my mom died called Adult Orphans, which is a sad but appropriate term. While I knew and pretty much expected them to pass before me obviously, I did not expect them to be gone before I ever even reached 40. How do you get over NEEDING them??? When I get stressed out and overwhelmed with sadness over all this, I want to call my mom and have her tell me everything's gonna be okay. My birthday is coming up in a few weeks, and will be my first one where I wont here "the birthday story" of the day I was born told to me by my Grandmother. :(
.... gonna cut this off now. Too hard to write about this anymore.
I need some advice, some pointers, some suggestions... anything to help me get thru to my son. (I posted this in two of my groups too, so forgive me if you've read this already, but I need all the help/suggestions I can get.)
He has always tended to be a bit of a grazer... eating little bits of his food as he gets hungry. But as he's gotten older I have made a much bigger effort to get him to eat his meals at the table when everyone else is eating (especially important for going out to restaurants).
Things have just gotten completely out of control these past few weeks. (Little background explanation needed here: we moved 5hrs away and are currently staying at my cousin's house. He and his wife have a humongous house and EIGHT kids ranging from 12yrs-1yr old.) He has picked up the habit of eating any time he wants to whenever he finds some food, and holding out snacks or treats or other munchies and completely refusing to eat at mealtimes (specifically lunch and dinner). I am working out of the house for my cousin as an admin assistant for his three small businesses, so my son is watched most of the day by his family, and while they mean well, they dont keep him out of the food. With 12 people in the house, there is almost always someone in the kitchen every few minutes... and he has taken to eating off of the floor, going in to the pantry and eating whatever he can reach, pushing chairs up to the countertops to reach for food there.
Up til now he has been a very well-behaved kid. But its literally like a kid in a candy store: he cant control his impulses ~ he sees food or sees someone eating something and he wants it too. And being only two and a half, I cant get him to understand that its not okay.
I've tried being calm and rational and explaining to him that unless he eats what he is served for lunch/dinner, there wont be any snacks or anything else during the day ~ but that just goes in one ear and out the other. I've tried putting him in time out and then making him come back to the table to eat his meal ~ but that just goes round and round and mostly just stresses ME out. I've tried forcing him to eat: telling him to open his mouth and then feeding him one bite at a time ~ but that doesnt stop the bad behavior, usually results in screaming fits. I've even tried swatting his bottom for being blatantly disobedient ~ but that just makes him cry for a few seconds then we're right back where we started.
To make matters worse, he's completely charming! He'll smile and bat those long eyelashes and hug me and say "I'm sorry Mama". (My cousin's wife always has to fight laughing at that point because its so cheesy.)
I dont know how to get through to him. He hears me, and acknowledges what I'm saying, but doesnt change his behavior one little bit! I dont want to be one of those moms with the uncontrollable children, but seems to be the direction I'm headed at the moment.
Any help???
He has always tended to be a bit of a grazer... eating little bits of his food as he gets hungry. But as he's gotten older I have made a much bigger effort to get him to eat his meals at the table when everyone else is eating (especially important for going out to restaurants).
Things have just gotten completely out of control these past few weeks. (Little background explanation needed here: we moved 5hrs away and are currently staying at my cousin's house. He and his wife have a humongous house and EIGHT kids ranging from 12yrs-1yr old.) He has picked up the habit of eating any time he wants to whenever he finds some food, and holding out snacks or treats or other munchies and completely refusing to eat at mealtimes (specifically lunch and dinner). I am working out of the house for my cousin as an admin assistant for his three small businesses, so my son is watched most of the day by his family, and while they mean well, they dont keep him out of the food. With 12 people in the house, there is almost always someone in the kitchen every few minutes... and he has taken to eating off of the floor, going in to the pantry and eating whatever he can reach, pushing chairs up to the countertops to reach for food there.
Up til now he has been a very well-behaved kid. But its literally like a kid in a candy store: he cant control his impulses ~ he sees food or sees someone eating something and he wants it too. And being only two and a half, I cant get him to understand that its not okay.
I've tried being calm and rational and explaining to him that unless he eats what he is served for lunch/dinner, there wont be any snacks or anything else during the day ~ but that just goes in one ear and out the other. I've tried putting him in time out and then making him come back to the table to eat his meal ~ but that just goes round and round and mostly just stresses ME out. I've tried forcing him to eat: telling him to open his mouth and then feeding him one bite at a time ~ but that doesnt stop the bad behavior, usually results in screaming fits. I've even tried swatting his bottom for being blatantly disobedient ~ but that just makes him cry for a few seconds then we're right back where we started.
To make matters worse, he's completely charming! He'll smile and bat those long eyelashes and hug me and say "I'm sorry Mama". (My cousin's wife always has to fight laughing at that point because its so cheesy.)
I dont know how to get through to him. He hears me, and acknowledges what I'm saying, but doesnt change his behavior one little bit! I dont want to be one of those moms with the uncontrollable children, but seems to be the direction I'm headed at the moment.
Any help???
Comments
Past Entries
| June 2008 |
Thursday, 6/12
 |
Monday, 6/02
|
|
Sunday, 6/01
|
|
May 2008 |
|
Friday, 5/30
|
Thursday, 5/29
|
|
Wednesday, 5/28
|
Goal Updated
I have always found the most important thing when disciplining your child is consistency.Don't give him an "if...then..." that you know you cannot carry through. For example, don't tell him that if he doesn't eat his meals, there will be no snacks, when you know others in the house will give him whatever he wants. Call a family meeting and tell them all that while you are thrilled to be living there, for the health and well being of your son, he can have snacks only when you say he can. Put a chart on the fridge, get some stickers that interest him, and when he eats even part of a meal, one sticker, that he can put on the chart. A whole meal eaten gets 2 stickers and a snack. I had a defiant lil boy of my own who is now 16.I know just how trying those times can be, multiplied by a move, new living arrangements, etc. You hang in there. You are a good mom, and as they say, this too shall pass!!!!! I am always here if you need me! xxxSheri
sadsheri
I learn with my Sons and Daghter Not to let them have a snack till bed time if only the eat when they are told to I have a 4 year old who thinks he dose it have to eat unless its Junk food cause of grandma so now he is not allowed to go to grandmas house intill he eats in the Daytime he is only allow to see grandma if he eats now cause if I don;t he won;t eat when its time to eat and if he don't eat he don't see grandma that day so he eats also I belevie in disciplining a child but the only when nothing else is working and living with other fammly is really Hard to to keep a child on a chore list is what I call it one cause even when you are sicking to your roots everyone else is not I know how it is I use to I finf it so much easyer to live by your self
AudYou5