Journal

I've been struggling lately with voices and it's not been an easy thing for me to deal with. It's stopped me from doing alot of the things that I used to normally do such as church, walking and enjoying nature, going to the library alot.....and the voices seem so real when they first happen that I react to them and hide. Then when they have subsided I feel stupid for having reacted. The voices are degrading, telling me that I'm stupid and worthless; and whats real scary is when I take my meds, the voices will taunt me to take them all. I resist taking them all of course, as hard as it is when the voices threaten me that I'll die if I don't......so things have been rather difficult for me.

My doctor has me on an injectible form of medicine that is supposed to soften and quiet the voices down, a medicine called Rispedal. I pray that it will continue to work, it has started to work already....slowly, but surely.

I'm still getting over the loss of 3 friends of mine, each day is getting easier; I went to a recovery group and finally let go of my pain and gave it to God. My depressive moods have been off and on lately, when I get into a depressive mood, it's as if I don't want to do anything; I can feel a big surge run through my body when I get depressed ( I don't know how to explain it ), but I've missed church several times, and also other activities that I used to be involved in. Its frustrating, but I try my best each and every day to do what I can to make the most of the day.

The doctor started me on the injection form of Rispedal, and that seems to be helping better to slow the voices down from what they were, Thank God!!

I pray that everyone has a great weekend, and that everyone is doing well.

I'm slowly getting over the loss of 3 friends in less than a week ( a week ago ). It has been a difficult process, but I keep reminding myself that God will never give me more than what I can handle---although at times it seems like it. But I'm slowly gaining my bearings again. We had a real nice backyard memorial for one of the clients that lived in the apartment building who passed away. His actual service was more than 2 hours away, so it was more of a chance for the apartment tenants to find some closure.

This past weekend was quiet for me, although I am still having problems with voices. I had a ticket for a baseball game here in OKC, and as I was walking to the baseball game, had voices that were degrading and threatening...so I turned around and went home....never did use my ticket. That frustrated me. I noticed also that I get depressed more easily and I don't understand why.

But I did see the doctor and they adjusted some of my medicines to help with the depression and the voices....so hopefully I will see some positive effect from that.

Have a blessed week everyone and God bless you richly.