takana's Journal

i went swimming again for the 4th time this week. before this week i had allmost compleatly given up on my draems of pro water polo first the fybro, then the misscarage, and now seaziures? It feels like everyday im getting futher and futher away from my dream goal. I don't even know if ohio has a femail water polo team...

Its my passion and I know that im good at it, but health problems keep steping in my way for i guess my freedom.

I don't know what to do. I was raised strict christian by my grandmother, but God just seems on vacation for paryer. The last time i was in church wes 6 years ago when my friend died and after that i never wanted to set in a church. I rebelled so much I went budist which taught me that even though every religon has its Taboos and what not. That in some way they are all connected. Their is no right or wrong way to ask your higher power for help. I feel like im going to get pushed over the ege with the next ferther that falls on my back. I can't stand another blow I feel like the next will be my last. A persons heart can only be stabed so meny times before it stops beating. It just hurts. Im at my wits end at 18? how do so meny people keep finding the will to get out of bed the next day?

And im sitting here at my coumputer at 1:18am typing a journal so compleat strangers can read the pain in my words? Ha... What has the world come to where you ask for help from people you don't even know and they care more about you then your own mother and father do. Im not much of a bloging, journal, diary person, but i keep comming back here... I don't know what it is about this site but it keeps pulling me back.