LouiseB's Journal

Today is Sunday April 13, 2008.  It has been a very long time since I wrote in this journal.  I really didn't have the time or the inclination to do so.  But here I am.  I think my last entry was November of 2007.  On December 12, just 3 days after my husband turned 60, he fell in the shower (we're not sure of the cause) and broke his ankle in three places.  He managed to crawl to the phone and after several tries he got hold of me at work.  I called the ambulance and headed home.  The EMT's were trying to get into the apartment when I got there.  When I unlocked the door they went to work getting him stabilized and onto a gurney for the ride to the hospital.  I was left with the problem of a flooded apartment because somehow the shower head, water still running, was outside the tub.  My husband has quite a number of medical problems, so he has a shower chair among other things. 

When I got to the hospital he was still in ER.  They were trying to get ahold of the surgeon, but in the meantime they had to manually put his ankle back in line so it wouldn't start healing in the wrong position.  I watched as they pulled it back into place.  The 2 nurses and I held our breath.  He never even whimpered!

The surgery had to wait a few days because xrays showed possible pneumonia (he had just gotten over a bad cold).  Once the surgery was completed and he was as stable as possible they moved him to a nursing home for the duration.  They needed the room in the hospital and his Medicare would cover a nursing home while the ankle healed.  He could also get care 24-7 and physical therapy.  I went to visit him whenever I could.  I had to wait for transportation to visit him because I have my own medical problems.  Parkinson's Disease (we think) causes my head to shake so much that I gave up my driver's license several years ago.  So I got to see him 3 or 4 times a week.  Over Christmas, New Year's, Valentine's Day.  Our granddaughter Brittany's birthday.  I couldn't bring myself to take pictures of any of this.  He wasn't there so it just never happened. 

In the beginning of March I had an appointment with my neurologist for Botox shots in my neck for the shaking.  When he saw how bad the shaking he asked about the stress in my life.  I had not told him about my husband's "excitement", so he was shocked when I told him.  And he told me right then and there that FOR MY SAKE I SHOULD NOT BRING HIM HOME FROM THE NURSING HOME!  It will happen again!  This is the same thing that my husband's one doctor said, too. 

When I got home I called the nursing home.  I had been told about a week before that he could be released soon.  We had made arrangements for him to come home for the day on Easter.  But after talking to my doctor, I told them that I just couldn't do it.  They said no problem.  He could stay there.  With all his other medical problems it was probably best.  I hung up the phone and started feeling guilty.  He was a person after all.  And he certainly didn't fit in with the others in the nursing home.  Two days later I called them back and I told them that I was bringing him home on Good Friday.  I think this shocked them, but they went along with it.  Arrangements were made for his release and homecoming along with Visiting Nurses coming in for about a month to help with his adjustment. 

I really am glad that I brought him home, but it sure is a lot of work.  I am doing all of the work around here in addition to working my job.  I''m tired.  Just plain tired.

He just had no concept of what I am going through.  Maybe the doctors were right and I should have left him in the nursing home.  But I just couldn't do that.  To me, at his age, that would have been inhumane.  But I need to wake him up to reality.  Somehow.

I keep going with the help of God and my friends (His angels).  I just keep putting one foot in front of the other.