all the ways he's hurt me
August 7, 2009 2:56pm
grabbed me by my hair and threw me into a wall, grabbed me by my neck and lifted me up against a refrigerator, put his face millimeters from mine and …
heartstring 
4:32pm, September 11, 2009
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About Me
heartstring
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About Me
i am a recovering alcoholic/drug addict. i've been clean/sober for almost three years. meth was my drug of choice. i grew up as a daughter of an adult child of an alcoholic, so my childhood was chaotic. i have 3 beautiful children. well, 2 of them are grown now age 23 and 24. my youngest is 10. i lost custody of my older kids to the state when they were 7 and 8 years old. by the grace of god, i still have a very close relationship with them. i think part of that is because the state did work so hard to pull us apart...and god just wouldn't allow that to happen. my little one (not so little....saw me high only a short time when i relapsed for 1 1/2 years. i'm engaged to a wonderful man who i met in recovery about 10 years ago. we got together 5 years ago, relapsed together, and got clean together again. now, i'm just looking for some contact with people who are trying to stay clean one day at a time and just trying to learn to deal with life....because that's harder than staying clean sometimes......
i am a recovering alcoholic/drug addict. i've been clean/sober for almost three years. meth was my drug of choice. i grew up as a daughter of an adult child of an alcoholic, so my childhood was chaotic. i have 3 beautiful children. well, 2 of them are grown now age 23 and 24. my youngest is 10. i lost custody of my older kids to the state when they were 7 and 8 years old. by the grace of god, i still have a very close relationship with them. i think part of that is because the state did work so hard
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Journal
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again and again ad nauseum
August 3, 2009 3:24pm
well, it happened again. another horrible fight. one of the worst ones in a long time. just when i don't think he could stoop …
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it never fucking stops
August 1, 2009 7:32pm
yeah, he was just waiting for an excuse to pick a fight with me. and he did it when it was convenient for him. he wanted me to get a swimming …
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faults
July 31, 2009 5:12pm
what i've done wrong today so far according to the word of mike:
got the wrong kind of deoderant, didn't get food he could eat because of his …
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Journal Entry for July 30, 2009
July 30, 2009 5:00pm
i can't seem to relax. haven't been able to for about 2 weeks solid. everything is on a low ebb right now. we're not even …
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By the way, my granddaughter lives in Post Falls, just over the border from you.... and my new great-grandson Alex. He's a funny lookin' little guy! LOL
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Hi Heart, my name's Dan. I'm not a die-hard AAer but I am an AAer. I think you may get responses from some "old-timers" in AA but I'm sorta on the "outs" with some of them today because I am not a rigid stepper. I've asked the same question in meetings about resentments and taking my own inventory and on and on. What I've been most often told is that for a rule it's true that we cause or set up our own resentments. But of course, I'm told, there are almost always exceptions to the rule. So, I'm admonished, shut up and sit down and let someone who really wants help speak.
I use the steps as my HP leads me, and I take from the program what works for me. I'm told that's why it took me so long in AA (twenty-seven years) to get my first two-years of solid sobriety in. Maybe so, but I tried and tried to work the program just exactly like my sponsors did. I didn't always agree with them but I tried my ass off to "follow these simple suggestions" until I was so frustrated I used it for an excuse to drink. Oh shit! That reminds me, I haven't called my sponsor lately and I need to call him now. I'm afraid he'll get drunk if I'm not there for him to save me! 
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thinking about you
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hope all is well
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Support Groups
Close Alcoholism
heartstring hasn’t entered any details for this support group.Close Codependency
i'm 44, in a domestic partnership with someone who i rescued almost 6 years ago. that's one of the first signs of codependency. i also don't feel worthy of his love unless i'm doing everything for him he should be doing for himself, of course, what happened after 5.5 years of that, i became resentful because i was doing all the work while he sat. pretty dysfunctional, huh? yeah, i know. anyway, i need help. here i am.
Treatments
- 12 Step Program Considering
- i've done al-anon before and i just feel like i don't belong....but i am thinking of trying it again and maybe get myself to open up my mind a little more
- Celebrate Recovery Somewhat Helpful
- it helped a little, but i ran into a lot of people who preach about the 12 steps, how to work them, etc, but don't do any of the work themselves. pretty hypocritical.
- CoDA Not Working
- only went to one meeting
- Music Working / Worked
- i listen to music when i can
- Reading Working / Worked
- the ones i can find usually help quite a bit
- Talking Considering
- i'm always afraid of being judged, because it's always happened before.
- \"Codependent No More\" Working / Worked
Open Anxiety
i'm 44, 3 special needs kids (24,23,11), one hubby who loves me a lot, had anxiety issues since i was a kid, always feel as if i have to look over my shoulders when i'm walking, have ocd also that goes perfectly with anxiety as far as i'm concerned, graduated with honors from school in medical assistant program, looking for a job, frustrated and anxious because i haven't found a job yet, i graduated 3 weeks ago.
Treatments
Open Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
i'm 44, have3 beautiful kids (24,23,11), a great hubby and am trying to deal day by day with my past. i've been sexually, physically, emotionally and mentally abused and if affects my present and how i deal with my kids, my hubby, people in general, my friends. i've learned (not healthy)that people are not to be trusted, if you let your guard down in any way, people will take advantage of that and hurt you. so, i have a lot of unhealthy ideas to overcome.
Treatments
- Effexor Working / Worked
- gave me pancreatitis
Open Meth Addiction & Recovery
i haven't used meth for almost 3 years, but the 12 step stuff didn't work for me, i just made the decision i didn't want to lose my life, my last child like i did my other 2 kids who are now grown, and almost my hubby. he and i met in an aa meeting, became friends in recovery, got together, used together, almost killed each other, and we both decided to change our lives.
Open Food Addiction
5'2", 209 lbs (small for me) favorite foods: everything, fat all my life, tried weight watcher, dexatrim, don't have the money for the "diet foods" out there because they cost too much and i know i would abuse them by eating the equivalent of 2 or 3 portions in one sitting. i would really like to change not just how i look, but take all this pressure off my feet because they hurt all the time. i walk all the time, and i feel bettr when i do it, but it doesn't make me any smaller.
Open Families & Friends Of Addicts
i've been attaching myself to the wrong people my whole life, people who were addicts and not safe for me. my parents were alcoholic, my grandparents were alcoholic, and so to me hooking up with someone like that who are addicts was normal.
Treatments
- Abuse Counseling Working / Worked
- still doing it
- Al-Anon Working / Worked
- still doing it
Open Financial Challenges
always broke
Treatments
- Budgeting Working / Worked
- does't work because i have a very expensive man in my life who wants everything he sees
- Cut Up Credit Cards Working / Worked
- Debt Consolidation Working / Worked
Open Physical & Emotional Abuse
abused physically, sexually, emotionally and mentally my whole life
Treatments
- Abuse Counseling Working / Worked
- Divorce Working / Worked
- Forgiveness Working / Worked
- Leave Working / Worked
Open Breakups & Divorce
been divorced
Treatments
- Pets Working / Worked
- baby kitty and tigger, my lifesavers,
- Reading Working / Worked
- self help books
- Support Groups Working / Worked
- ds,
