Journal

 Wished it were otherwise ---- I'm finding it difficult to make the many adjustments that become necessary when ones life is shattered by the loss of the person who was so much a part of you is no longer there to hold your hand .

 Having talked to others and having shared their experiences I know what is happening to me is happening to many . We  were fortunate enough to have had "a match made in Heaven", as the friend who introduced me to Carly, described the relationship he envisioned when he first introduced us 10 1/2 years ago. Carly made life so much fun and life was never dull ...we did so much together and theres so much I miss the Vacations, the phone calls , her sense of humour and most of all her compassion and kindness to the less fortunate in life including the patients who were seriously ill at the Hospitals she worked at.

Kindness are special words and Carly was the kindest  person I have ever met ...she took compassion on so many including the dogs and cats she adopted from the Humane Society. I have a Poodle named Toby who Carly loved so much . Toby is so special to me as I know he misses his Mom but somehow I think Toby has ESP and is spiritually connected to Carly as she loved him so much .

Its hard not to cry when you realise how much you had and I have several weeks of timeshares booked moving forward and I have doubts as to whether when the time comes I'll actually be able to go to the places we as a couple enjoyed going to so much.

Well its hard not to think about these things but I'm trying to do the things Carly would want of me.....most importantly making sure her 21 year old son Chris leads a productive life. It actually helps me counselling him by taking him to the Holiday Inn most days for a swim . He is schitzophrenic but is doing really well with the right medication , the only problem is he needs to lose some weight and the exercise he's getting really helps to this end.

I guess the secret is to keep busy, keep our minds occupied and do the things our loved one would want to do and try to stay close to them spiritually as they will always be a part of us.

Just a few of the thoughts going thru my mind that I wanted to share with my friends . I hope  that each of us can try to bring some purpose back into our lives....I'm sure we can all help each other with God's help and  also wanting to do what our loved one would want us to do.

Always remember that talking about things really helps and also try to do things that you would normally want to do but are finding it difficult to do because of the grief inside.  Communication is a key word and keep in touch with your Family and friends.