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imtimsmom 
3:46pm, August 4, 2009
i am having a hard time writting journals here.... its seems all i do is whinn..and i am trying to find positive things to think and write about...
Yes , things in my life are ....ummmm very bad ... but i have to figure a way not to dewell on it...
or try to put a spin on it...soo i am not always dwelling in the stress....and to take some action .instead of just sitting there..frozen......with anxiety..
Things are in the works for me to get a new, cardiologist, One that speicalizes in arrhythmias, i was told He would get me in....in the next day or two..They are going to call me today... to set it up.. this is a very postive thing.. i had been getting the run around ..here. so fianlly things are going into the right direction. Everyone has agreed that my last surgery, has not worked , .or that maybe new areas are in my heart have devloped but none can say for certain..what is going on..but they also know..something needs to be done soon lol... since almost daily its getting worse . Finally ( yesterday ) got one to restart me on medication that i used to be on.. before my surgery.. ( its very difficult for a Dr who dont know you or isnt going to be monitoring you....to start you on a arrhythmia medication...because Most if not all arrhythimia medications..also have a side effect that can cause arrhythmia..) but since He said felt i was heading to this new Cardioglogist, soon and i had been on this medication before i could start on it...Thanks God !!...
Hubby had one infection after another with his last surgery. but the surgern stays on top of it..and been having him come to his office at least twice aweek. And He is doing well in his Pysical therphy.. He is now able to walk pretty confinantly with his cane.. And only uses his walker ..if He knows his walk...is going to be a bite further.... He is gaining balace and he seems to have less fear of falling...
His Ejection Fraction in his heart is improving. And his carlogist has rated Him in the low normal range!! this is wonderful..
i recieved Tims ,GED , in the mail a couple of days ago... Both my hubby and i stood there and cryed...... as we opend it and looked at it..... we didnt have to say it..we both no we both have such mix feelings.... we love our son and this was a moment we actually were very proud of Him and the work he had done...
i would love to go back and see him before this winter....but ...its not looking like we are going to be able to.....Money is very tight..and since they moved him , to the western side of Upper Michigan.. it takes us a whole day to drive there....that is one night stay...a day to visit..(another night stay) and home again... .if we only see him once......its a three day trip..at least..And with both our health problems.....too be up in the middle of no where........
We runs this over and over , But both wanta see Him...at least once more before..winter..
Comments
My son phoned me and said someone from this list send Him a card..and it had some puzzles in it...He seemed very excited about getting this.. and said to tell the one who sent it ..thank You..
( He couldnt remember the name of the person who sent it LOL so i am writting it here..so You ..who ever You are .. lol..knows He really loved the it and thanks you very much.. it made both
our days!!
He also Passed his GED. i am so proud of the work He had to do ..to get this..He has a learning disablity ..so the work on this was extra hard.......but His plans are to turn his life completely around and that is just one of the many hurdles He will have to get over.....
My husband had surgery again.. He is home and doing fairly good . He started physical therphy
on Friday...Hopefully to build up some musle .He is doing well with his walker.. He is learning how to walk with a cane... that is something that is harder than it looks..lol
As for me.. My surgery i had back in May on my heart..i guess wasnt successful ... and the Heart
arrhythmia , has returned.. The Dr says its because i stress my heart out all the time and its not liking it lol so i have been working in therphy on coping skills.. trying to learn ways to deal with all the stress i have in my life...( and i have a heaping amount) with out letting it effect me.
The Dr there (shink) put me on zoloft.. but then ..took me off of it yesterday..after He took my blood pressure..it was very high.. .He said ..i needed to go to my family Dr. and find out what was going on before He would give me any more meds.. i tryed to explain that it wasnt the meds that were causing it....its was just something that happens when my heart was beating to quickly....but....He said He wouldnt take any chances and needed a OK from my family Dr.
sigh.!! BUT He did say..it wasnt anxiety, that was causing the raised BP..because it was the bottom number that was extremely high...( i have never heard this before ..)
Comments
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Glad to hear from you. Sorry to hear your surgery wasn't successful but, at least hubby's seems to be doing better. I think the therapy for coping skills for you is a good idea. Learning ways to channel things is good. I know it helped my son with his emotional disorder. I know I haven't been doing the writings to our penpal list. I've written to 1 or 2 but, have a hard time finding time to write. I write to my son, of course and have picked up 2 of his friends at Kinross. They've asked my son to ask me if I'd write them. I know with the MDOC, you can make copies of things from the newspaper and print things off the internet and send it to the inmates so, I'll try and do that for Tim when I get the chance. I know that you can also send them a subscription from magazines and puzzle book places. I sent Jason a subscription from Dell puzzle books for his Christmas gift one year. You can do it on line. I always remember Jason saying that getting mail was the highlight of his day. Take care of yourself and as always, you and your family are in my prayers.
Brenda
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Oh, Darla....I am sorry about your surgery results...I am praying God intervenes and things will turn around for you...I will send Tim a Congratulations card on his GED...That is amazing...I know you are proud mom!
Love, Barbara
Its seems like forever since i went to see Tim, He phones less and less..and rarely writes at all.
i do miss him. i sent him money today.. He never asks for any...He knows , money is tight..and trys to be really good about what He buys.. i so wish i could send him more......i do love the jpay set up thou..sending a quick email off to him....when ever i think about him...helps me... somehow
yesterday i went to prisontalk.. and read alot...but then last night ..i couldnt shut my mind off..kept thinking about all i read there..........some how i gotta go on living.......i no this..but i am struggling..
i started seeing a therpist here.in the new place we moved to....seen her twice. so far..and she has set me up a appointment with a dr there.maybe i get on some more meds..
i havent really meet anyone here since we moved here.... started at a church..that seems good..but not really made any friends there..
it looks like hubby may need more surgery....we are seeing a surgeron here on thur...see what He thinks.. i pray He doesnt..
Comments
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Oh, Darla, I have missed you and I am sorry you are feeling so down....You have so many things going on right now I am sure you are feeling overwhelmed..I am glad you have started therapy...You are in my prayers.....Please know we are all out here listening and love you always, Barbara
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Oh Darla! It just seems to never end, does it? I'll be praying that your husband doesn't need more surgery and that you are able to get the help you need too. As for Tim, I don't know what to say. Maybe he's just settling into a routine at the new prison and this is what is working for him. Maybe, limiting his phone calls works for him at keeping the homesickness at bay or maybe he thinks it is better for you if he keeps things to a minimum. It is hard to say. I know sometimes, Jason doesn't write us for weeks on end but, he does usually call home weekly. I'll pray that he can find a common ground for some harmony in his life and be able to find a balance that works for all.
Blessings, Brenda
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Oh, Darla...I am glad you are going to be seeing a new cadiologist....very good news! Let's hope he is a decent one.....and your hubby is doing better....that's excellent....You are in the right place if you need to whine, sweetie...you know that....Love, Barbara
flmombs
I too have kind of slacked off journaling as I seem to be writing the same thing most of the time. But, we need a place to get this stuff out of our system. If we are whinning or repeating ourselves, no one has to read our entries. But, it gives us a place to unload the burdens of our daily lives, be it good or bad.
I'm glad to hear that hubby is doing better. Take those baby steps and before he knows it, he'll be as good as new, maybe better. Fresh blood for your care is a good thing too. He may have a totally different perspective on your condition. As for making it up to see Tim, he'll understand if you can make it. Your health and safety should come 1st. What good would either you or your husband be to anyone if an issue arose while in the UP? I was worried somewhat when we visited Jason and we were in St Ignace! So, just hang in there. If the trip to see Tim is ment to be, it will happen. God Bless!
Brenda
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