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amiilee 
2:15pm, November 1, 2009
we decided i wouldn't go to therapy every week for awhile to save some money. i have nowhere else to go without just complaining... so here i am back on ds. unfortunately or fortunately it has nothing to do with my fertility issues!
for the second time this week i feel like i've been punched right in the gut.
i look forward to weekend because i get to spend them all with my husband. give or take a few saturday dance practices here and there or a dance competition i think my husband i have slept apart 4 times in total. i do not find this out of the norm.... apparently some people do.
we woke up this morning and i thought we'd have a nice day together... figured he'd go fishing for awhile... we'd come back watch some tv, take a ride or a million other little things i now feel are too "boring". he gets a phone call at 8:30 this morning from a friend who lives 2 hours away to see if he wants to go fishing out on his boat today... at 11am... until god knows when... with another 2 hours drive home... sleep for the night to follow...
so there goes my day... oh, and my nighttime too.
i think it's rude and inconsiderate to just up and leave with an hours notice... if this guy had called yesterday things may be different. so i explained to my husband that i really didn't think he should go because i thought we would spend the day... yes and the weekend give or take a few hours together. this led to the following tirade of mean and hurtful things... which he doesn't think are either:
"i don't get to do anything"
"whens the last time i asked to do anything"
"i don't know anyone else who spends this much time together"
"you always have to have something planned"
"it's unhealthy for people to spend 48 hours together"
"it's not good for our marriage"
"all my friends get to do stuff and i don't"
"you should live in disney world so you'd think everything was perfect"
"are you jealous of me??"
"you have to go out with your own friends"
"everyone needs their space"
and more...
i have never been a person with many friends and AM OKAY with that!
i never needed a "girls night out" or "space". and i don't feel like i HAVE to go out with my own friends. never was a NEED for me to have a group of girlfriends. SORRY.
i am beyond hurt and confused and embarrased and angry.
never expected this from the man i married.
for the second time this week i feel like i've been punched right in the gut.
i look forward to weekend because i get to spend them all with my husband. give or take a few saturday dance practices here and there or a dance competition i think my husband i have slept apart 4 times in total. i do not find this out of the norm.... apparently some people do.
we woke up this morning and i thought we'd have a nice day together... figured he'd go fishing for awhile... we'd come back watch some tv, take a ride or a million other little things i now feel are too "boring". he gets a phone call at 8:30 this morning from a friend who lives 2 hours away to see if he wants to go fishing out on his boat today... at 11am... until god knows when... with another 2 hours drive home... sleep for the night to follow...
so there goes my day... oh, and my nighttime too.
i think it's rude and inconsiderate to just up and leave with an hours notice... if this guy had called yesterday things may be different. so i explained to my husband that i really didn't think he should go because i thought we would spend the day... yes and the weekend give or take a few hours together. this led to the following tirade of mean and hurtful things... which he doesn't think are either:
"i don't get to do anything"
"whens the last time i asked to do anything"
"i don't know anyone else who spends this much time together"
"you always have to have something planned"
"it's unhealthy for people to spend 48 hours together"
"it's not good for our marriage"
"all my friends get to do stuff and i don't"
"you should live in disney world so you'd think everything was perfect"
"are you jealous of me??"
"you have to go out with your own friends"
"everyone needs their space"
and more...
i have never been a person with many friends and AM OKAY with that!
i never needed a "girls night out" or "space". and i don't feel like i HAVE to go out with my own friends. never was a NEED for me to have a group of girlfriends. SORRY.
i am beyond hurt and confused and embarrased and angry.
never expected this from the man i married.
Comments
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I think I've had that exact conversation with my DH. There are times I feel like we never "do" anything but then he'll go plan something -- only those plans usually include his friends, not me. He tells me that if I had more of my own friends, I wouldn't care what he did. It's irritating... I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. (((hugs)))
amanda1112
I am so sorry. Please don't be embarrassed or feel you are alone with what you are going through right now. It is actually a very common issue in marriages and relationships. It does not mean it hurts any less though. You can talk about anything you need to in your journal, it does not have to be fertility related. Many women can relate, especially those going through IF treatments because IF puts a lot of strain and stress on even the best relationships. I hope you are able to work things out. Vent as much as you like to get it out. Writing in a home journal can help too, to get it out that is, but you don't get feedback or support there. I find doing both is helpful. You are in my thoughts.
Lioness816
I'm sorry you are going through this right now. As Lioness said, infertility puts a hefty strain on a relationship. The grass is always greener! Sometimes I pray that DH will want to go someplace without me! He planned a golf weekend with a group of his buddies later this month and he's already talking about not going. I would LOVE to have 5 minutes (or better yet two days) of alone time! I hope your DH comes around soon. And remember, this is a support group. We're here to support! No need for embarrassment here!
JudylynS
I have been down the go get your own friends convo..Men just don't get the need for us to be with them some time especially going through IF. I hope that your DH comes around and we are here for you
browngurl30