My wife and I have been married …
My wife and I have been married for 4 years and through invetro, we have new born twins at home. I need someone to …
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amiilee 
2:15pm, November 1, 2009
i feel like what's left of my heart is barely there right now.
ever since we terminated my last pregnancy at the end of september my husband has seemed distant. when i ask him what's wrong he usually just says nothing until i make him mad about something and then he blows up. i guess i expect that from a guy anyways.
my husband thinks that when he doesn't feel well i try to make him feel guilty about it. sometimes i do that... cause i want to go out or whatever... but last night i didn't do it on purpose. i thought we were on the same page with trying to get pregnant this month so i made him a calendar and thought he'd be excited about it. maybe he's just not ready yet. he said he was... but maybe not. so today is the first possible day i could ovulate and according to the test i just took, my prediction was right... so when he didn't feel good last night i'm sure i copped a little attitude because i wanted to follow the calendar! i had asked him numerous times during the night if everything was okay and he sais yes... so i had thought the whole time we'd start trying again last night. it wasn't until the very second before bed he told me he has a headache and a stomachache. fine. but give me a little notice next time maybe so i don't get my hopes up. i tried to talk to him which was a mistake. he ended up screaming at me so loud, punching a hole in our bedroom door and then driving away. he left for almost 2 hours, which has never happened before. i couldn't imagine what i did that was so wrong.
so i cried myself to sleep thinking awful things about myself and woke up this morning with swollen eyes and a barely there heart. we walked around each other in the morning time shuffle and i got a half-hearted hug goodbye. so i started crying again. where's the affection?
where's all the love you said you had?
i saw that google had ernie and bert on their homepage and it made me smile so i thought it would make him smile too... so i took a picture and texted it to him and all i got was "thanks have a nice day"... this would be normal except that my husband never is so short, always says he loves me or a variety of other cute little sayings.
so i told him i don't know why i bother... i don't feel like i did anything so wrong and i'm the one left crying and trying to make him feel better...
then i texted him that my ovulation test was positive today and he said "i guess that's good news".
i don't know if he even wants a baby with me anymotre. maybe he's just sick of it all.
guess i couldn't blame him much.
ever since we terminated my last pregnancy at the end of september my husband has seemed distant. when i ask him what's wrong he usually just says nothing until i make him mad about something and then he blows up. i guess i expect that from a guy anyways.
my husband thinks that when he doesn't feel well i try to make him feel guilty about it. sometimes i do that... cause i want to go out or whatever... but last night i didn't do it on purpose. i thought we were on the same page with trying to get pregnant this month so i made him a calendar and thought he'd be excited about it. maybe he's just not ready yet. he said he was... but maybe not. so today is the first possible day i could ovulate and according to the test i just took, my prediction was right... so when he didn't feel good last night i'm sure i copped a little attitude because i wanted to follow the calendar! i had asked him numerous times during the night if everything was okay and he sais yes... so i had thought the whole time we'd start trying again last night. it wasn't until the very second before bed he told me he has a headache and a stomachache. fine. but give me a little notice next time maybe so i don't get my hopes up. i tried to talk to him which was a mistake. he ended up screaming at me so loud, punching a hole in our bedroom door and then driving away. he left for almost 2 hours, which has never happened before. i couldn't imagine what i did that was so wrong.
so i cried myself to sleep thinking awful things about myself and woke up this morning with swollen eyes and a barely there heart. we walked around each other in the morning time shuffle and i got a half-hearted hug goodbye. so i started crying again. where's the affection?
where's all the love you said you had?
i saw that google had ernie and bert on their homepage and it made me smile so i thought it would make him smile too... so i took a picture and texted it to him and all i got was "thanks have a nice day"... this would be normal except that my husband never is so short, always says he loves me or a variety of other cute little sayings.
so i told him i don't know why i bother... i don't feel like i did anything so wrong and i'm the one left crying and trying to make him feel better...
then i texted him that my ovulation test was positive today and he said "i guess that's good news".
i don't know if he even wants a baby with me anymotre. maybe he's just sick of it all.
guess i couldn't blame him much.
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I am so sorry you are having a rough time. It is so hard to go through the things that you have. Men express emotion differently. I wish they did it the right way, but they just don't (my husband included). I'm sure he just doesn't want to face the heartache again. Things are gonna be fine, but he may need to talk about it with someone. Does your Dr.'s office offer some sort of grief counseling? It may be worth it to give it a shot. My RE's office had someone on staff that was there all the time to talk about anything that we may be struggeling with. I know you will get your take home baby soon!!!
kspepgirl
Also, if your husband is anything like mine, it could be that his upset is because its hard for him to see you so sad and, for lack of a better word, desparate. My DH has struggled most with how much it affects me. He may also feel guilt because he is the one who determines the gender.
I know you don't want to heare it but maybe for mentality and marriage sake, throw away the calendar and the OPK and only make love to connect with him.
You are always in my thoughts and prayers.
Love
Laurel
LJPage95
So sorry. It is so hard for men to express themselves sometimes. I hope this evening you find peace together and reconnect.
FNP
I'm sorry you're going through this right now. I'm sure your husband is hurting and is probably scared to be hopeful, I'm sorry it's coming out so hurtful toward you. I hope he realizes it and comes around. Hugs.
Jen2279
I am so very sorry you are going through this. IF takes a huge toll on most relationships, how could it not? You have been through so much together and sometimes it all gets mixed up and tangled and you just can't figure out how to untangle it. (I always picture a ball of yarn all tangled in a knot) I hope you are able to work through this together, but if you are not then counseling of some sort may be helpful. Many couples go at one point or another and most of them have not had to deal with all that you and DH have. I wish you the very best and please know you are a wonderful, kind and loving woman. There is nothing wrong with you. You have both just been through so much over the last few years. You are in my prayers. {{{HUG}}}
Lioness816
bless your heart ... I am so sorry to hear that.
I agree with LJPage95, Your DH is prob hurting so much seeing you in so much pain. Take some time to heal your marriage. Work on each other now so when you start back you have a stronger bond together so you can handle what could lie ahead. You both will be in my thoughts and prayers.
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